[or this idea by @bealittleimprobable and @im-the-punk-who but as a fever dream]
Rosa: welcome to "A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action Please", where me and my sexy goth assistant -
Isobel: *wolf-whistles*
Rosa: ow! Fuck, Alex! Ok, my bitchy little emo assistant and I will try to increase your chances of survival and get it through your thick skulls that you should always shoot first and ask questions later.
Kyle: I'm extremely not comfortable with that
Rosa: tough shit. Do you want to get kidnapped again? Or wear bulletproof vest all your life? Do you?? Well then always be prepared to shoot some bitches.
Liz: but what if they have unique, important knowledge that will be forever lost? What if there's a way to work with them first and steal their secrets?
Rosa: NO, BAD LIZ. What did we talk about?
Liz: ...no more trying to befriend psychopaths for access to their research.
Rosa: right. Remember, survival first, making sure the Pod Squad And Assorted Weirdos are safe second, THEN curiosity.
Max: I still object to that name
Rosa: duly noted. Now, any questions?
Maria: what if I don't have a gun on hand? Or any fancy offensive powers?
Rosa: glad you asked! You may have noticed Alex hitting me in the ear with his empty coffee cup earlier. My plucky little helper is here to talk about Improvised Weapons. Stop rolling your eyes Alex and hop to it.
Alex: in combat engagements of this type, speed is key. Unless you've had time to prepare, use whatever is within your reach and aim for the head. Anything sufficiently heavy will make a decent projectile at a short distance - don't try to hurl it far unless you've trained for it, but throwing a smaller or otherwise unwieldy heavy object like a laptop, a rock or a centrifuge, either with your hands or powers, will give it additional kinetic energy to make sure your blow incapacitates the target. Remember, your goal is to get away and regroup with the rest of PSAAW so you only need to momentarily blind, knock out or block the target from pursuing you
Liz: how about bringing down an avalanche on them?
Alex: great example, Liz
Michael: ...like it's hard, I could make it rain rocks any time...
Alex: oh I know you could, baby. Now, next slide, please? Thank you Rosalinda. With this category of objects that offer a good grip in addition to mass, like a baseball bat or a wrench, you can control the blow at the expense of getting a little closer to the target, but in a close combat scenario they may be your best bet.
Isobel: would dildos work?
Alex: depends on the model. I’m afraid most of your stash would make better projectiles or - hold that thought, we’ll come back to this in the strangling & garroting section. Now, for a little demonstration on the current topic first. Max, can you come up here?
Max: ummm, is that a rubber chicken?
Alex: yeah, we didn’t have anything else that would fit the purpose of the demonstration. Now, depending on your relative positions you can target the enemy’s eyes like this or this... or their temples for best stunning potential, see?
Michael: oh, I see the stunning potential
Alex: not at work, babe. Now, when they are down like this, you can take the opportunity to swing your arms, gather some momentum and bash them over the head like - that.
Dallas: oh I can’t watch this
Alex: please stand up straight again, Max, one more demonstration. If you're coming from below, don't go for the chin, try to angle to crush their windpipe.
Max and the rubber chicken: eeek!
Alex: Thank you Max, you may sit down again. Do you want a tissue? Here, drink some water.
Liz: you’ve been very brave, honey.
[2 hours later]
Alex: any other questions?
Isobel: yeah, teach... can you give me a personal demonstration of those close-contact sharp object insertion techniques?
Kyle: I, I ha - I have a syringe?
Isobel: aww, you’re the sweetest. But I wanted to get up close to check out Alex’s instrument...
Rosa: Michael, stop strangling your sister, break it up pendejos!
