#mayflybuzz

[mayflyuniverse]

[frantically pushing away storyboarding urge] OH GOD-- STOP-- BRAIN. NO WE CAN’T STORYBOARD ODIN GREMLIN VILLAIN HOURS TO FOB’S ‘CHURCH’ JUST BECAUSE IT PLAYS ON THE PLAYLIST!! WE HAVE PACKING TO DO!!!! WE’RE GOING TO GO SOON!!! STOPPPPPP

[mayflyuniverse]

No one is awake at this hour for me to talk about this to, and now i’m just sitting here, stewing in my own goddamn anger............................................................

Imma murder him. imma straight up kick my brothers’ ass. he’s an idiot and i can’t believe we share the same upbringing that he’d do something this stupid.

[mayflyuniverse]

I'm going to bed but.. [dusts off the dust on this blog] ... I'll be temporarily using this blog again until bluesky allows private accounts.

Nothing much to add other than that and I forgot but a shelf I ordered to put on my desk is finally coming tomorrow or day after. I'm looking forward to organising some of my tools and getting rid of the boxes to be honest. I don't like working in messy environments.

But for now g'night! 🌙✨

[mayflyuniverse]

My immune system's a bust lately.. I didn't realise my supplements are running out and I need to conserve my cash for the rest of the year... Not to mention, my body's immediate physiological sync when I'm depressed just does not help... Especially when I'm on my cycle, so I ended up with a terrible migraine and a temperature last night.

I slept for a few hours, but kept waking up bc the housecat kept meowing in the next room (she's okay, she's just a little antsy because she's in heat), but man... it did shot my chance at a good night's sleep.

Ended up getting up for a bit and just tending to emails. But I think I'm going to try and get a few more hours before I get started on my day.

This week is really packed, so hopefully next week, things are a little calmer so I can focus and work... I've been so distracted lately.

[mayflyuniverse]

Trying to tamper that 60+ year old lady in me seeing kids praise a certain anime series for having 'good fight choreo' when it really isn't... it's SO bad by fight choreo standards but not my monkey, not my circus.... let the kids have fun... let themmmm.... have fun.......... UUU..

I hope they watch some actual good fight choreos like old Hong-Kong movies around 70s-90s..... and see what good choreo actually means.. heck or anime that actually uses proper choreo like Kengan Ashura or Kimetsu no Yaiba, or even Sword of the Stranger like pls... don't let this be your standard kids....... they're fooling you with smokes and mirrors.

Like it's visually good, but it's not principally good. nothing wrong with having senseless flashy fights in its own right but if you're talking like choreo? then this ain't it TqT

[mayflyuniverse]

Speaking about being distracted, Since I used my witch sona art for this blog (since it's darker colours so it fits better) and my old art on my art tumblr, i'm wondering if i should do a new art so I can use it as the side banner for my art tumblr... i totally forgot about updating it and i don't have many new personal art. I don't come in here often except to queue things once in a while after all...

Maybe I'll work on something SLOWLY on the side. I'm tryingn to be good with my work pile (which is honestly overflowing atm 💦) But I find making sure i do something on the side that's personal tends to help me with art burnout... something so I don't lose the joy of illustrating kinda thing..

A bright themed illust of me..... sounds like fun. I don't draw myself often (bc uh.. i'd rather draw my OCs), but it's fun to just let loose once in a while.

[mayflyuniverse]

Y_Y I've got to find ways to cool down when i know someone's trying to rile me up.... some people are definitely like talking to a wall kind, so there's no use in engaging with them but hooo man. That urge to just smack em' across the mouth that I can't get with the internet burns within me.

It's okay, gotta practice my sabar.

[mayflyuniverse]

i feel like i’ve been all over the place emotionally lately... i just want it to settle already. 

like....  I genuinely try to keep out  of everyone’s ways as much as possible. I grew up with people telling me i’m overly-sensitive so I learned to keep my thoughts to myself but I don’t know, it feels like sometimes people use that as an excuse to just demand  everything and anything out  of me.

I can’t react, respond to anything they do that hurts me. When I do, i’m unreasonable. I’m aggressive. but at the same time they never seem concern about what  I think  of things. I’m human too... i get tired too.. 

This is all to say, my big sister and in addition some of my younger siblings have  been  driving me insane. I hate the things they make me feel by being around them.. they’re naturally selfish and they’ve barred any method of communicating, so it leaves the only option of obeying them and not showing any displeasure outright when you do. It feels very dehumanizing... if you do show  even the  slightest bit of exasperation or anger over the compounded mistreatment, they’ll activate their tear glands and my mum will jump to their defense.

which is another sore spot considering i’ve long been unable to cry in front  of others i feel unsafe around. even those i’m close to won’t catch me in tears unless  it’s really pressing. And i can’t help but feel even more disdain and hopelessness being pegged as the villain because i, who can’t do it, was the trigger to someone who could, regardless of how the real situation is.

I cry. but I just don’t feel comfortable exposing myself like that but it doesn’t mean i don’t. doesn’t mean i’m without feelings. sometimes i feel like i’d explode with feelings in fact but... *sigh* it is what it is. Once a designated monster, always the designated monster.

I can’t wait for these siblings to move out or for me to have a chance to just live alone. Though that might only come once  i don’t have my parents with me anymore so it leaves me with a lot of conflict. At least with my parents, even if they  misunderstand me, they’ve  contributed  so much to me that  I’d take that from them. It never comes  from a place of ill-will, no matter how much  it hurts. 

These siblings on the other hand..... *sigh* 

oh  well.