“hey!” there’s nothing but delight in his voice as he approaches, arms opened wide, “there’s my girl! heard you passed your boards. that’s good,” a pause, and a grin, “not that there was any doubt, huh? you’re made of greatness,”
Allison and Daniel are supposed to be happy right now. This is supposed to be something good. It's supposed to work. It might have if it wasn't for the fact that Daniel knows Allison still loves Connor.
{ 3,452 words } | { ao3 | ff.net }
Daniel can't help but notice that something is wrong. Things should be great right now. Allison helped save Ruth's home, Sophia delivered a healthy baby boy, the hospital is being rebuilt, and Daniel loves Allison more than ever. After everything they've been through, he thought that things would finally calm down.
They're calmer now but there's something else. Allison's been staring at the wall for the past 10 minutes. For the first few minutes, Daniel had tried to concentrate on his book but now he's simply staring at her. They've been through enough that he knows that something is wrong with her. She'd been hesitating to kiss him back for days and she'd been guarded ever since they first got back together.
Daniel's tried to deny it but he has a sinking feeling that he knows what it is. How could he not know?
"Allison?"
It rattles the entire bed when Allison jumps, turning to look at him. Daniel's again struck by how beautiful that she is, the same way that he is every time he sees her. There's something about her eyes that have always been so open to him but in the past year, she's become jaded. "Sorry. I was distracted. Were you talking?"
Daniel shakes his head, a sad smile on his lips. He doesn't really want to talk to her about this but he can't pretend anymore. He doesn't want her to have to pretend anymore. He wants what's best for her and he loves her enough to give that to her. If that hurts him more than anything ever has then he'll deal with it.
"No," Daniel says quietly, clearing her throat as Allison looks at him curiously. He takes a moment, as if to memorize her face but it's already memorized. Losing her now might be the end of him but he refuses to accept this any longer. "I want to, though."
A look of concern flashes across Allison's face before a wall drops, hiding her emotions. "Okay. What about?"
Daniel hesitates before taking a breath. No more running, he decides. That's what Allison has been saying and it's sad to him because he knows she's still running away. Now she's running from things she doesn't want to admit to. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. What do you mean?" Allison asks, much too quickly.
"You're different. You haven't kissed me since-" Allison opens her mouth and Daniel puts up a hand to stall her. "You haven't initiated a kiss since the housewarming party. And you haven't wanted to kiss me back since before then. You've been different and I think I know why."
There's a look of rapidly growing horror on Allison's face and Daniel thinks about stopping. This is for her own good, he tells himself. She needs this and he's done being selfish when it comes to her. He almost caused her to lose her job. He owes this to her. Hell, he owes her everything.
"There's no reason. I mean, there's nothing wrong."
Daniel raises his eyebrows at her and she flushes, shifting a few inches away from him. "I've noticed for a while but it's been escalating even worse ever since the party."
"Well, Sophia going into labor stressed me out and-"
"Connor came," Daniel interrupts and Allison's jaw drops. There's guilt in her eyes, sadness, a bit of anger. "Allison, it's because of Connor, isn't it?"
Allison clenches her jaw now, letting out a slow breath and shaking her head. "I don't want to talk about Connor."
"I don't either," Daniel admits, looking at her closely. "But we have to. You've changed. You're different than you were."
"Daniel, I chose you," Allison says firmly, looking down at the book that he had been reading earlier. "What are you reading?"
Laughter threatens Daniel but the overwhelming sadness is too much for him. "Allison. Please. Don't insult my intelligence. I know I've done some stupid things but I do notice you. You didn't choose me. You chose to keep me from losing my job and that involved you losing him."
Allison looks down and Daniel waits for a response. When he can see that one isn't coming, he sighs. "Allison-"
"No," Allison finally says, looking back up and there's only anger on her face now. "I don't want to talk about it, Daniel. You're good for me. You love me. We have a great relationship, the kind that I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. I don't want to talk about Connor."
If Daniel hadn't been sure before, that statement clinches it for him. He's good for her. He loves her. She doesn't say anything about her loving him, except that she's dreamed of this kind of relationship since she was a girl. But that's not good for the future. He'd dreamed of being an astronaut when he was a kid and that would’ve been a mistake.
"I do love you," Daniel says quietly, reaching up to cup her cheek. She flinches, not as if he's going to hurt her with his hands but with his words. "Do you love me?"
Allison looks conflicted as she nods. "Of course."
Even to Daniel it sounds too rehearsed. He knows that she does love him in her own way. They have something special, a bond that can't be broken. But it's not a romantic love, at least not on her part. "Allison, you need to go to him."
"Daniel, I can't," Allison whispers and he can finally see some emotion. Now that they're talking about her with Connor, she's got tears in her eyes. Every word she says is another strike through his heart. Her not being with Connor has nothing to do with her wanting Daniel. "He's with that girl now. And besides… he wouldn't understand, he doesn't understand. He's been jealous of you all along and after everything… he doesn't trust me."
"Did you tell him anything?" Daniel asks. He knows that Allison had wanted to help Daniel keep his job but to not tell her boyfriend anything at all? Guilt threatens to overwhelm him. The girl is too nice for her own good.
Allison laughs but it's a sad one as tears start streaming down her cheeks and she reaches up to rub at them viciously. "No, Daniel. I didn't. I couldn't do that to you. By the time that everything came to a head it was too late and he didn't trust me enough to listen to me. That's his fault."
She crosses her arms over her chest and Daniel aches to pull her close and hold onto her. But this emotion that she's showing for Connor? It's the kind of emotion that he feels towards her. He has to do this and so he strengthens his resolve even as it breaks his heart. "Allison, you need to-"
"No. I don’t want to talk about it. There's nothing for me to do. We're together. Unless you're breaking up with me."
Daniel can't bring himself to actually break up with her but he can see that Allison is going to be stubborn. He rests his hands gently on her upper arms, leaning in to press a short kiss to her lips. He can feel the hesitation before she kisses back and by then he's pulling away. "Let's sleep on this conversation, okay? Meet me for lunch and we can talk tomorrow."
Suspicion is evident on Allison's face but she seems relieved as she nods. "Please… Are you sure?"
"Of course. Goodnight. I love you."
"Goodnight. I love you too."
Those words echo in Daniel's mind later even as he hacks into the hospital login to find Connor's schedule.
***
Connor's been in a bad mood for weeks and he knows it. He'd tried to hide it when he was working with kids but now he's been shoved into the radiology department until they find a permanent spot for him and he's letting his temper wreak havoc. Fortunately, he hasn't had to work with patients very much. Everybody had been only too happy to let him work in the background as much as possible.
Now, seeing Daniel step into his workspace, Connor feels his temper rising. Daniel's a good man. Connor knows that deep down. Daniel's good to Allison. He would do anything for her. But god, it doesn't make it any better. Because Connor loves her and he knows that while Daniel may be good to her, he's not good for her.
"What?" Connor asks angrily, not even looking at Daniel as he reads over paperwork that he has to finish filing before he takes lunch.
When there's only silence, Connor looks up and he's surprised by the smirk on Daniel's face. He's going to hit him. It's going to have to happen and he even pushes back his chair, prepared to stand up when Daniel laughs. "I thought it was only her."
Connor hesitates. "What the hell are you talking about and why the hell are you here?"
"I thought only she was in a mood because of you but it turns out that everybody here is scared of you. Crazy to think about. You're like a giant teddy bear with your love of children and your dog named Princess of all things. It must've taken something big to make you so grumpy with everybody who comes across you."
There's no hint of mocking in Daniel's voice but Connor doesn't trust him. "You know what's made me so angry," he bites out, letting his pen drop from his fingers as he realizes he's clenching it too tight.
Daniel shrugs. "Yeah. I just didn't realize how much it was affecting you both."
"Stop talking in riddles," Connor says, clenching his jaw as he considers how much trouble he'll get in if he decides to hit Daniel anyway, even though the man isn't smirking anymore.
Daniel sighs, sitting down in the chair across the desk from Connor and he suddenly looks so exhausted that Connor feels a twinge of sympathy. They've all been through a lot lately. There's something else in Daniel's body, though. A sadness. Even Connor can see it. "You broke up with Allison. You left her when she needed you. She had to go through a surgery without you because you were jealous and stupid."
"Get the hell out of my office, Daniel," Connor says through clenched teeth, his fingers digging into his palm as he thinks about how Daniel was right. But Connor isn't stupid. Allison kissed Daniel twice. Connor had been messed around with by girls before and he refuses to let it happen anymore.
The idiot must have a death wish though because Daniel doesn't move. "Look. I need to tell you things and they need to remain confidential. It wouldn't only be me losing my job but Allison too."
Connor frowns. "If you don't stop talking in riddles, Daniel, I swear-"
"Do you remember when I went away for a while? It wasn't a vacation. I… fell under pressure and stole a bunch of drugs from the hospital. Allison's been helping me cover it up since then. When you saw us in the broom closet, she kissed me because she thought it would be a good excuse if it was Victor who saw us." Daniel takes a breath and Connor's mind is racing a mile a minute, trying to think this through. Daniel stole drugs? "She helped me out through everything, including the bitter withdrawals. It's in the past but it's still haunting me."
Connor feels as if his world has been shaken. Allison was going through all of that without telling him? And his boss was going through all of that? Connor can't help but feel a surge of sympathy for Daniel which he quickly tries to ignore. "It doesn't matter. She kissed you. She apparently risked her entire life to help you at the expense of our relationship."
"If you think that she wouldn't have done that for a stranger then you obviously don't know her," Daniel snaps, looking angry now for the first time since he came into the room. It surprises Connor, who sits back. "She's not the best at making rational decisions but she tries to help everybody and that always gets her hurt, doesn't it? She almost died in a fire because of it."
"But she did it for you," Connor shoots back. He's learned a lot about women in his years on Earth and most of it is that they'll break your heart. Women have broken his heart enough for the rest of his life.
Daniel scoffs, shaking his head. "You know what? You're being impossible. I just told you that she didn't want to kiss me but you're not getting it through your thick skull. She's not happy with me. I've noticed it for a while now but she's not interested in our relationship this time around. Do you know what she said when I told her? She said that I love her. That I'm good for her. That's why she's with me. What does that say?"
Conner opens his mouth but he can't think of a response. He's not even sure if one is required from him.
Then Daniel shakes his head. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're not the man for her."
"Why are you doing this? She's in a relationship with you. Don't you want to just be with her?" Connor finally asks, looking up at the other man.
There's a few moments of hesitation before Daniel frowns sadly. "Of course I do. I love her. But I know when a woman isn't into me. There's no reason for us to be in a one-sided relationship. She loves you. She misses you. She thinks about you all the time." Every sentence seems to hit both men equally, causing them both different kinds of pain. "She's waiting for you in the cafeteria."
With those parting words, Daniel stands up, closing the door quietly behind him as he exits quickly. Connor looks down at the desk before picking up his pencil again. Getting back with Allison will just break his heart again. He's not sure how much more he can handle. But if what Daniel had said is true… Does she really think of Connor as much as Connor thinks of her?
***
Allison picks at her cookie, trying not to think about what Daniel had said to her yesterday. He'd told her he'd meet her here 20 minutes ago. Was this his way of breaking up with her? That isn’t very nice of him if it is. She glances up when the door opens and then looks down at her plate of now mostly crumbs. Her heart hurts just seeing Connor in the doorway.
After everything that's happened, with everything between them over now, with both having moved onto new people, Allison is shocked when Connor slides into the seat across from her. Emily immediately drops him off a coffee and Allison raises her eyebrows. "Are you that predictable?"
Connor laughs. "Apparently."
The two sit in silence for a moment as Allison looks everywhere but at Connor. He seems to be content with the silence as he looks at her and finally Allison sighs. "Why are you sitting with me? You've done everything you can to avoid me since…" She can't bring herself to say it. Since she'd kissed Daniel. It had been spur of the moment and so stupid. It had seemed like a good idea on many counts but there'd been no passion in the kiss. It had been completely because of the lie. It had proved a point for her but at such a high cost.
"Daniel came to talk to me," Connor admits and Allison's head jerks towards him so fast it causes an ache in her neck. Connor smiles slightly as he takes another sip of coffee. "He told me everything. About his… vacation."
Allison's still in shock over Daniel purposefully talking to Connor but knowing that he had told Connor everything? A warmth blooms in her chest as she thinks about why. He'd known that Allison never would betray his trust like that no matter their feelings towards each other. Had he done it because of their conversation?
"I was surprised too," Connor continues as Allison gapes at him. "I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you. You have to- Allison, you have to know how hard this is for me. I don't do this. I don't do relationships like this. I don't fall in love. Everything that I've had with a woman for years has just been for fun, no strings attached. But I care about you in a way that I didn't even think I was capable of anymore."
The words bring to mind the last time that Connor was honest with her and she so badly wishes that she'd been honest with him. She pushes her plate away from her. "Connor, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you-"
"Don't be. I would be surprised if you had. I know you, Allison," Connor says, his voice softer now and he has such genuine affection in his eyes that Allison's heart picks up its pace. "And I love you for it."
"Connor, I'm with Daniel now," Allison breathes but it's an excuse this time. She knows how Daniel feels. Daniel is exactly the kind of relationship that everybody dreams of having. He cooks her dinner and rescues her from burning buildings. He takes care of her.
But Connor smiles and her heart swells with love for him. Daniel is the safe option but Connor is the option that makes her feel whole. "Why do you think Daniel told me what he did? Alli, I love you. Tell me you'd rather be with Daniel and I'll walk away. You can have your fairytale romance that you dreamed of in high school. Everybody will envy you and you'll have a white picket fence with a gorgeous house. Is that what you want? Because I can't give you that. My cooking sucks and Princess scratches the paint off fences.
"But I'll take you to monster trucks and wrestling matches. I'll splash in puddles with you when it rains and drink beer with you under the stars. We can go to midnight premieres of movies and dress up as our favorite characters. Alli, I may not be able to give you the same things as him but I can give you all of my love."
Allison hasn't even realized that she's crying until Connor comes around to kneel in front of her, reaching up to wipe away her tears. "This isn't you," she says with a watery laugh.
Connor grins. "No. I'm not the type for flowery speeches, you're right. But I know that sometimes you need to be told how much I love you. I'm sorry I've disappointed you so much lately but I'll try as hard as I can for you."
"You don't have to change," Allison whispers as she wraps her arms around his neck, smiling softly at him. Her heart is pounding so hard it's as if it's going to burst from her chest. She's so in love with the man in front of her that it's almost painful. "I love you just the way you are, Connor."
There's no more need for words as Connor surges up, kissing her in a way that knocks her breathless. Daniel's kisses were always nice but they don't compare to Connor's. Allison wants to press closer to him, wants to never part from him but then Emily is clearing her throat behind them, grinning.
"I hate to break it up but…"
"Sorry," Allison whispers, her mouth only inches from Connor's.
"I'm not," Connor says. Allison can feel his breath hot on her lips and his words warm in her heart.
Allison closes her eyes and opens them, sure now that she's dreaming. "Connor, we should talk."
"I know. And we will. A lot of talking. For the rest of our lives hopefully."
Allison leans in to kiss him softly again before she laughs and pushes him away to go sit back on his side of the table. He sips his coffee and she asks Emily for another cookie that she actually eats this time. It feels as if a gigantic weight is off her shoulders and she can't believe how long it's been there. Connor knows the truth. Allison gets to have a chance to be honest with him. And while Daniel probably isn't completely happy for them, he supports them.
This is something happening right now. This is real. After everything they've been through, this feels like it's going to be something great.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Heart's Medicine (Video Games)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Allison Heart/Connor McCoy
Characters: Allison Heart, Connor McCoy
Additional Tags: Canon Compliant
Summary:
Seeing her mother in the hospital bed has Allison's emotions going wild. Maybe she can blame that for the rush she feels when Connor comes to comfort her.
the clang of an empty coffee cup against the steel of the kitchen sink echoed through the downstairs, followed by the sound of bare footsteps. it was early and derek had been awake for at least an hour if not more, so used to being up early for work. however, today was his day off.
moving through the house, eyes found a half awake ellis. ❛ good morning, sleeping beauty. ❜ the signature 'dad' smile on his lips, derek moved to kiss the top of his daughter's head. ❛ i was thinking, if you wanted, since i have the entire day off, if you wanted to do something. we could grab some breakfast and go out, just the two of us. ❜
she did not miss this cafeteria. sometimes she missed the people who she had shared it with. the memories of them as interns, then residents, just ready to blossom out of their surgical flowers. yet something about the building felt sterile to her. as if the life they had breathed into it was no longer part of her story. cristina moved to steal some fries off of ellis’s plate, dipping them into the ketchup and chewing. she wasn’t really hungry, but it had been too long since she had been able to catch up with ellis. “ so, have you decided ? ” she is of course referencing the specialty that she would go into. cristina had her money on cardio, it was the best and most challenging. while from the discussions with meredith she seemed to believe that general surgery would entice her more. give into the variety that everyone seemed to need. “ it’s been enough time hasn’t it ? to test them all out. ”
@mcheart said. “ please don’t look at me like that. ”
april knew that her face could often tell the person looking at it enough of what she was thinking. she didn’t like to think it was a bad thing - expressive, or so she had always told herself when it came to it. “i’m not looking at you like anything.” at least, not with any intention. chart dropping to the nurses station in front of her, the redhead turned her full attention to the resident. “you know your residency is about the only time you can get away with the odd slip up. you’re learning.” She had sympathy for residents - she’d been the resident who had gotten fired, the resident who had failed their boards, the resident who had all but trailed behind the rest of her class. or at least, that’s how she’d felt from time to time. “did you ever hear about the time i was fired? i was a resident at the time, and your dad was actually the one that brought me back. i don’t even know if i’d be a surgeon today if he hadn’t.” she paused, derek had done so much for her over the years - so much so that she wasn’t sure she’d be the person, have the life she had today without some of his guidance. “so mistakes don’t define you, you learn from them and move on.” she explained, her voice soft and reassuring. “you learn, and you don’t make that mistake again.”
