I've been doing a lot of writing this morning, and there's more writing to come! Maybe I'll finally get the ideas written that have been floating around in my head for so long.
I'm finishing up my Tasertricks bodyswap oneshot now
There will be even more Tasertricks later
I have an idea for something Darcy/Steve
Irontasertricks. It's Darcy/Loki/Tony and I'm trying to make it a thing. I've started a series here.
Look me up, I'm MyNameIsDarcyLewis. I'll post my Science Bros fics there soon. And when I can, I'll put a link on my blog! (can't do it now because I'm on my kindle)
Tony nodded on the other side of the phone call. “Surely you’ve at least heard of it. These people saw us all over TV, decided we were hot stuff, and wrote about how they imagine we are in bed. Sometimes with the author, sometimes with each other. It’s mostly teenage girls, but it seems like anybody can write these.”
“This is crazy. I’ve got to look this up. Hold on just a moment…” Tony heard typing noises, then listened to Bruce’s exclamations of surprise.
“Thor and Steve? Why would anyone think that… There’s no way that Thor is that flexible… I’m glad we’re not the only ones who see all the sexual tension between Barton and Romanoff… I don’t even want to know why so many of these girls want to date Loki… Oh finally, there’s some about the two of us! And the summary says something about em-preg… Do you know what em-preg means?”
“Don’t click it, don’t click it!”
“Too late, Tony. Oh God, I’m never getting that image out of my head.”
Stark chuckled. “So, what are your thoughts?”
Bruce sighed. “Well, I have to salute these girls for their creativity.”
“And their great taste in men.”
“Yes, excellent taste in men.” Banner laughed. “But some of these fanfictions are just terribly written.”
“I know. I’ve seen some great descriptions. ‘Steve’s blue eyes were like a deep sapphire lake as he looked intensely into Natasha’s green orbs.’ Seriously, who the hell calls eyes ‘orbs’?”
“I’m 100% sure that even we could do better than that.” There was a pause, then Bruce jumped up from his chair. “That’s it! We’ll write fanfiction about ourselves and post it online!”
“Write about us having sex? If it’s all the same to you, I would rather actually have sex.”
“No, not with each other. Imagine you’re a teenager with a laptop and a huge crush on me. What do you do? You write about Bruce Banner running into you on the street and falling in love with you. Except when you put it online, no one will know that you’re actually Tony Stark.”
“I think I see where you’re going with this.”
“They’ll think we’re one of them! What do you say?”
Tony smiled. “Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, two scientists trolling fanfiction sites in their spare time. I like the sound of that.”
“Fantastic!” Banner exclaimed. “Meet me at my place, and bring your laptop. See you soon!”
“I can’t wait to see how this turns out. Wait, are you still here? I want to know which one of us was pregnant in that Mpreg!”
They found themselves spread out on Bruce’s couch, each trying to hide their laptop screens from the other as they typed.
“Tony! Stop trying to peek! You’ll find out how it goes soon enough!”
“I’ve already seen that you’ve typed over 700 words. How are you doing that? I’m stuck on the third paragraph.”
One hour and many words later, they were ready.
“You go first,” Bruce said. “I think mine should be saved for last.”
“Well, someone’s a bit overconfident in their writing abilities. Tsk, tsk.” He put one a fake disapproving look, which only made Bruce laugh. “I can’t believe I just wrote this, but here goes.”
“Maria Glass looked around the lonely café. Her date was late-- again. She sipped her expensive wine as tears formed in her forest green eyes and she ran a hand through her dark auburn locks.”
Bruce was already starting to giggle. “Just my type of girl. I’m in love already.”
“She was getting ready to leave when a man ran into her table and spilled his drink right on her short, figure-hugging, crimson dress. Maria was about to yell at the stranger, but then she saw his face. This guy was unbelievably handsome, with tousled hair and chocolate brown eyes framed by his glasses.
“‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry about your dress!’ he cried out. His mouth was rounded in an O of surprise and apology.”
“Rounded in an O? As opposed to rounded in a square?” Bruce laughed out loud.
“Quiet. That line was genius and you know it,” Tony answered. “If it’s okay with you, I’m gonna skip the first date and fluff and blah blah blah. I’m going straight to my favorite part.”
“Bruce and Maria kissed passionately, their tongues tangled in an embrace of love and lust. Then, Bruce pulled away.
“’What’s wrong, baby? Please tell me!’ Maria pleaded.
“Bruce turned away in shame. ‘I can’t do this. You don’t know the real me,’ he stated with a voice full of sadness and regret.”
Banner couldn’t hold in his laughter. “You’re putting Stephanie Meyer to shame here. They’re gonna have to crown a new king of bad writing after this.”
Tony continued. “’I can’t tell you my secret,’ Bruce groaned.
“Maria stared deeply into her lover’s eyes. ’My darling, I know all about you and the other guy. And I love you with all my heart, no matter what may happen!’ Then she grabbed Bruce’s hands and got down on one knee. ‘Bruce Banner, will you marry me?’”
The real Bruce Banner had fallen off the couch and was almost crying with laughter. “I am done. I am so done,” he choked out. “You’ve really outdone yourself.”
“Okay, last sentences,” Tony said. “You’d better listen.”
“Bruce enthusiastically said yes and leapt into the arms of his fiancée. They ran hand in hand to Maria’s room, where they spent a night full of pleasure and passion. It was a romance for the ages.”
Bruce climbed back up onto the sofa. “So, you didn’t write the sex?” he asked.
Tony sighed. “I tried, but it was terrible and I wasn’t even trying to make it terrible. Let it be known that Tony Stark, although he’s had more sex than most of SHIELD combined, cannot write a sex scene.”
“I guess it’s my turn now,” Bruce said. “I went in a sort of different direction…”
He picked up his laptop and began reading.
“A beautiful silhouette was visible through the hotel room’s window. It was Isabelle Strider, the richest woman in her town. She had just come back from a glitzy high-society party, and was now stripping down into her undergarments to sleep.”
“Oh my God, you chose the word ‘undergarments’?” Tony snorted.
“Standing in her push-up bra and thong, she looked around the empty suite. At least, she thought it was empty. But she could hear some sort of rustling under her bed. Suddenly, a gorgeous man-“
“Got that right!”
“Dammit, Tony, I never interrupted you in the middle of a sentence when you were reading.”
“Sorry.” Tony didn’t sound sorry.
Bruce cleared his throat. “As I was saying…”
“Suddenly, a gorgeous man crawled out from under the bed. It became immediately obvious that the man was not wearing a shirt. It also became obvious that the man was famous playboy Tony Stark.”
“Bruce, only you would go through so much trouble to say ‘he was shirtless’.”
“’You look incredibly hot, but what are you doing here?’ Isabelle Strider asked.
“Stark’s voice was full of desire. ‘You took my breath away at the party tonight. I’m here to return the favor.’
“Their lips met, and the kiss exploded into something much more passionate. Tony moaned as Isabelle reached down and felt his huge package.”
Tony suddenly leaned forward. “Hold up, hold up! Stop it right there.”
“I was just getting to the good part!” Bruce complained.
“Okay, I’m perfectly fine with it if you want to write me into a sex scene,” he explained. “But if you do, you are not calling Tony Jr. my ‘package’. It sounds like the start of a porno or something. ‘Hello, miss. Would you sign for this package, please? Surprise! When I said package, I meant penis.’ You see why we can’t have that?”
Bruce and Tony looked at each other for a second. Then, they both burst out in hysterical laughter. Tony looked like he might be having a seizure, and Bruce was coming dangerously close to falling off the couch again. They tried to calm down, but every time they met each other's eyes, they just started laughing again.
When the laughter finally died down, Bruce said, "I guess I need to find another way to refer to your junk, don't I?"
"Oh, we'll figure something out. Maybe Google it. Anyway, want to keep reading?"
Bruce blushed a faint shade of pink. "I don't know if I want to read it out loud..."
"Hey, if you can write it, you can at least show me!" Tony took away Banner's laptop and read to himself.
"Okay, so... oh. Oh. Wow."
Bruce moved closer. "What's all that about?"
Stark looked up and smirked. "You, my friend, have a gift for writing porn."
