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I am at the dentist. I do not want to be at the dentist. My chest is shaking.

You know what the weirdest thing about me is? Going outside for other people to places that are fun?? It’s normal. Just having out. For me ?? It feels like a special occasion.

#melifails #anyone else feel that way?#to stores or restaurants or movies #those don’t feel like regular hang out activities it feels formal to me #i wasn’t a kid who went anywhere #been a home body my whole life #been monitored my whole life #my mom and dad gave us freedoms but my mom is lowkey a helicopter parent because eod her anxiety #i Can’t be away form my house for even five minutes before she calls me to ask where I am #It’s smothering sometimes #it makes me feel like I can’t leave home without her permission #when I’m with my best friend she’s less likely to be on my ass because she trusts my best friend more than anyone else I know #but at the nice old age of 26 I have to update my family even when I’m at another friends house #so we have game/Karaoke nights with two sisters bestie and another friend and maybe a few more occasionally #and okay SURE I would come home at 4-6 in the morning #BUT i Don’t drink i Don’t do drugs they know the home and where I am and STILL scold me #It’s only on Fridays and we don’t leave their house and when I do I update them #it just makes me feel like smothered and like I can’t be trusted that the people I love can’t be #🥺 I followed all the rules I still follow all the rules and it doesn’t feel like enough #sometimes I feel chained #like Im wearing a dog collar with greatest daughter on it #but this is my own doing #i am my own curse #Im so sorry I’m getting all depressing #im really tired and when I’m sleepy and tired I just remember the burden of my existence #okay I’ll be nicer sorry #also there’s a cockroach and I don’t wanna sleep 🥹🥹 who wants to come kill it for me #oh also I’ve been very insecure about my size and weight #of course I want to LOOK thinner but really?? I just don’t want to feel like I weigh down my friends either #Im scared to go places because I’m not only broke but because I’m fat and I’m slow and I won’t fit in seats and all that

Oh yeah!!! I no longer have covid 😄

#im still tired though cause the phlegm in my throat hasn’t gone #😭 sleeping is SO fun #melifails

We didn’t get sushi everyone bailed on us 😃 so bestie and I got chicken and then went to the movies 10/10 day I love her sm

#melifails #we watched novacaine #SO GOOD #I was giggling during all the violence and throwing punches in the air when I hoped he’d hit

Mmmm so sleepy period day two is so mean

#I cocooned myself in three blankets sweats and a million stuffed animals #maybe it was more like a nest #either way I woke up sweaty threw everything off and then fell asleep again #melifails #now I’m up 💅🏽 but I wish I was back in my next #oh I also had two pillows #so let’s see two pillows three blankets sweats and #bear dog bear again duck kuromi oh third pillow #5? plushies ans three pilloes and three blankets and sweats #I wish it was cold that sounds so comfy for winter

Oh new year I guess

#I think that top one is especially funny #melifails

Sometimes I think the world would be better if I wasn’t in it

#I’m fine just sad #melifails #I’m positive I’m my moms biggest regret #🥺 I haven’t even eaten today #I had some ice cream actually and two packages of fruit gummies #and a little water #👉🏽👈🏽 I gotta make her food first

loteriaaaaaaaaaaaa

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