Jan 28, 2016
i am excited for the psychiatrist Friday not because of the bpd diagnosis I wouldn't be excited over a mental illness...but mostly because if that IS what is going on (I am 99.9% positive it is) I'll get the help I seriously need????
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i am excited for the psychiatrist Friday not because of the bpd diagnosis I wouldn't be excited over a mental illness...but mostly because if that IS what is going on (I am 99.9% positive it is) I'll get the help I seriously need????
went to psychologist today I fit all the criteria perfectly for borderline : - )
talking about break ups and losing friends and shit always makes me fucking cry I was talking to my therapist and I felt the tears coming and I was just internally STAY STRONG FOR MOTHER and then she was like U blame urself too much....AND THEN IT CAME I HATE CRYING INFRONT OF OTHER PEIPLE FUXKING KILL ME !!!!!!
i am seriously going to talk with my therapist tomorrow over the fact that i THINK i might have BPD i have 3 co occuring disorders with it along with a 4th but my pschiatrist still does not know if i for sure have it (its bipolar disorder) i fit the criteria nearly PERFECTLY and im incredibly concerned and i really hope i dont have it but it is possible lol
friendly reminder i go into episodes when i want to be by myself or maybe just talk in group chats but private chats make me tired if you force me to talk it will make the episode longer it will piss me off and i probably will purposely NOT talk to you and if you do get me to talk all ur going to get is chatter about my “””special interest”””” at that point lmao or talk about my depression and thats about it
so went over all the drama shit with my therapist she was like so confused and overwhelmed by the situation LOOOOOOOOOOOOL I FELT BAD FOR HER BECAUSE THE LOOK OF SHOCK AND ???? ON HE R FACE I also asked about Harper being a "pedophile" and she said they were definitely not and our relationship was perfectly legal as well as me being age of consent and the age gap restriction being 4 years apart
HONESTLY its like one half of my brain wants to be happy and is positive but the other half is just pessimistic and suicidal and depressed and i hate it....it feels like im two people at once
fuck this whole YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PUT YOUR FRIENDS FIRST! that is such bullshit when you’re depressed as fuck and you can’t even take care of yourself? i was called a selfish and bad person because i said i am putting myself first when i was depressed as fuck and i wanted to kill myself everyday and then i felt fucking horrible and tried to force myself back into trying to fix everyone elses problems and then i started feeling fucking worse so if youre in a situation you need to put yourself first fucking do it. you arent selfish. you just are trying to take care of yourself.