#messymessymessy

[xingisdreaming]

Everyone’s afraid of me,

so I’m untouchable man.

[empatheticagent]

Aftermath

What on Earth was he supposed to do?

At first when Germaine had shut down, Ray was desperate to help and had spent all those hours that cold, searching. He’d ended up sick, he’d had an episode and then ended up with extra appointments with Dr Lawrence to try and cope.

Germaine had been his main support after all, since Clay’s death. He was the main reason Ray had been making any progress in recovering and moving on. At first, Ray had visited regularly, even though he hated seeing Germaine like that- like he was dead.

And now there were all those messy feelings attached.

They were messy enough with the guilt of their last real conversation -the argument about whether Germaine could, or should be loved- there was still lingering hurt that had never been resolved from that, and Ray’s guilt for letting it stop him acting sooner. And then there was the love itself. It was still there, but buried under all that and grief.

Ray had started dropping by less and less before stopping entirely. As the months had stretched on, Ray had started losing hope that Germaine could be fixed (not that he asked those doing the fixing then). It had taken Dr Lawrence pointing it out for Ray to realise that he was in fact grieving the losses of both Clay and Germaine. It was only a few months difference in how long they had both been gone after all.

Then Strucker had taken him up to Canada, to Bancroft.

He was told he was only there for two weeks, but it felt so, so much longer to him and he was still recovering from it, months after on top of everything else. Ray was doing better than ever with his powers thanks to Marco and Nic, but physically and mentally it was possible he was worse than ever.

The healthier weight he had been at while staying with Germaine was gone and he was scruffier and more withdrawn. Often he didn’t bother even trying to speak and some days even refused to sign unless it was Auslan to save himself the frustration and embarrassment of making mistakes. Even while training with Nic multiple times a week to move passed it, Ray still had a very mixed reception to physical contact.

Often when he did speak, it was when he was angry, usually with Cassie. He would argue and then usually turn his anger on something else in the room and Marco insisted Ray take days off regularly, not wanting to risk training when he was already in a bad mood.

So…

What was he supposed to do, now that he was suddenly told Germaine was nearly ready to be reawakened?

How the hell was he supposed to keep befriending, learning to trust, caring for someone getting too attached too fast and then having it all ripped away again?

His other closest friend disappeared from work and hadn’t come home too, so Ray was hesitant to turn to her for support, even if Cassie spoke to JJ regularly now. And then the whole realisation his psych was actually Bancroft’s son… Ray had barely even processed that at all.

What was he supposed to do?

He could just try-

. . .

. . .

. . .

Because I care about you.

‘You- you shouldn’t’

I can’t help that.

‘That’s n-n-nnot tr-rue. If anyone c-c-could…’

@theghostofagentweiss @specialagentace @agentjjkelly

[heatherbaraldi]

The aftermath of last night’s Baraldi Boutique Live. 😳 We get a little messy up in here. 🤪 It will Be cleaned up today for more live fun this weekend. New Cassie’s and Joys are on their way... some are arriving TODAY! 🥰 #messymessymessy #ifitfitsitships #lovemypeeps #lularoe #baraldiboutique #reallife #nofilter #behindthecamera #busybaraldis #lovewhatido (at New Castle County, Delaware) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtV41_gF6CH/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pavpwv4h6c6z

[hookedbykati]

*sings* 4 works in progress, 3rd cup of coffee, 2 submission sketches, AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE! #designerlife #multitasking #caffeineallday #selfemployedlife #messymessymessy #justkeepswimming #myhandsaresore #hookedoncrochet

[ernie2000]

My feed is a mess. My life is a mess. My Christmas lights are a mess.... smh

[catsorgtf]

a mess

I texted you for the first time in months after getting too drunk on wine and too drunk on the careless whispers of those around me.

After all this time I still expected a sense of closure and I am still magnetized by the toxicity that embodies you.

They say time heals all wounds but all time does is distract you until a distant memory creeps up and tears you open again.

I've put a dead bolt on myself in a poor attempt to lock every lingering thought of you out but they always find a way to break down the door.

I remember crying on my kitchen floor over you and I remember you telling me I was losing my mind.

I remember dancing around the living room with you thinking we could actually fix things and I remember you yelling at me the entire car ride home.

I remember the first time we fought your best friend told me I could do better and I remember the first time I told you I loved you your only response was silence.

And after almost a year of blaming you for everything that happened, I now realize that I was at fault.

I tried to force you to love me and I am so fucking sorry.

I'm sorry for cursing your name.

I'm sorry for never letting go of the past.

I'm sorry that things didn't happen differently.

I'm sorry for playing the victim for so long.

I was constantly searching for an explanation from you to rationalize how things ended but I don't need one, I need to forgive the both of us.

I've been so overwhelmed with anger that I prevented myself from ever experiencing what it feels like to let go…

with that being said,

I'm in a good place and I hope you are as well.

This is the last time I am going to write about you.

[femmephantom]

There should probably be an office rule prohibiting me from refilling the ink pads on our stamps. #messymessymessy #lookslikeacrimescene