How Do I Kneel for Someone Who Already Walked Away?
I don’t know what to do with him. The man who couldn’t love me back then, the one who held me steady when I was drowning but also made me feel like I was too much the second I asked for more. He says he wants back in my life. He’s flying out at the end of the month, a whole weekend of him in my space, in my bed, in my head again. I keep telling myself I know better. I keep telling myself I learned something from how it ended the first time. But the truth is, I haven’t stopped wanting to kneel for him. That part of me doesn’t shut off. He knows exactly how to touch that switch, the one that makes me forget every reason I should walk away. And maybe that’s what I hate most—that my body still remembers him as the one who knew how to anchor me, even if he couldn’t stay. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to let him back in and not lose myself again. I don’t know if this is self-sabotage or if it’s just desire wearing a familiar face. What do I do with someone who couldn’t stay, but knows exactly how to make me want to kneel?