#mharosie

[mental-health-advice]

I'm 23 years old without a driver's permit; I'm extremely embarrassed to admit it. The reason for this is due to anxiety.. Being in any vehicle stresses me out. Everyone around me believes I'll be a good driver but I can't overcome my anxieties towards driving.. Lately its become a huge problem and I feel like its putting strain on my relationships to the people closest to me. I know that I need to get my permit and license but I'm terrified. I don't want to be a burden on my loved ones anymore.

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling conflicted and anxious. I completely understand how you are feeling and the situation you are in.

The first thing which you could look into is different techniques to use. Whether you are trying to keep the feeling of anxiety away for a while or struggling with panic attacks, looking into techniques to use and practise can really help and give us a way of fighting back. Something which I use is calming audio or music I enjoy when I feel anxious. This helps me relax and take my mind off the situation and gives me a positive feeling. Do you feel you could look into some techniques?

On our tumblr we have a page dedicated to calming techniques, which I encourage you to have a look at. Perhaps pick a few, try them out and see which one fits. It is okay if you feel some are not working, as we are all different and finding the right technique can take a little time but is definitely worth it. I will link you below!

Calming Anxiety and Panic

I believe that taking your time with these techniques is crucial, as well as anything which you feel you are struggling with. Blocking everyone else out for a few moments, do you feel ready to learn to drive? Do you feel you would have the time, motivation and money for it? Are you ready to take that small step? It is okay if the answer is yes, and it is also okay if the answer is no. This is a good place to start and really understand how you feel about it.

If the answer is no, do you feel you could speak to your loved ones about how you are feeling? If they understand your situation then they may be able to help out by offering you lifts or car shares (which is good for the environment and offers a social activity!). I understand you may feel negative about having to rely on others driving or ask for lifts, but it is okay to not want to drive. It is becoming more and more common for people to choose not to drive, or feel they cannot. Public transport is only improving and is definitely something in which you could look into. You can find timetables online, or at local information centres.

I really believe speaking to your loved ones will help the feeling of negativity reduce for you. Not wanting to drive is okay, and society must realise that it is okay too. You are not a burden for not driving.

If the answer is yes, then there are a few options for you to look into. There are driving instructors who have experience with nervous and anxious drivers. They are understanding and may have a different teaching approach to make it comfortable for you. You can look into instructors in your area via Google, or even Facebook and compare those which you find. When I was looking, I wrote down the options and compared prices, availability and the feedback from previous customers. Do you feel you could have a look at a few driving instructors?

When you get to your lessons or test, it is important to take your own time and not to rush anything. Using calming techniques during your lessons and test could perhaps benefit, and if your instructor knows your situation they may build these into the lessons. Taking your time is crucial, and it really helps me with driving and everyday experiences. It is okay to take time, and it is okay to need to pull over and stop for a moment to regroup your thoughts.

Doing the lessons and test in your own time is also important. If you feel you can only drive for an hour, that is okay. If you feel you could do 2 hours at a time, that is also okay. Speaking to your instructor can open up doors and ideas on how to learn in the best way for yourself. They could also recommend schedules for lessons or how they feel you will perform best. When it comes to knowing if you are ready to take the test, you must believe in yourself and ask yourself if you feel you can do it. Your driving instructor will know if you are technically, but it is up to you to take a deep breath and know if you are ready. It is okay if you need a little more time or just need a quick recap lesson.

I really do understand how you feel, as I have been through it too. I am around a year younger than you are and have only just passed my test. I was in a situation when I was 17 where driving made me feel anxious and it reminded me of things I didn’t want to associate with driving. I struggled to get lifts without getting comments about ‘you could have driven if you had learnt’ which made me feel awful. Unfortunately, not everyone understands that such a ‘normal’ thing in society is sometimes difficult for others to do.

I stopped my lessons altogether and focused on my education, although it was difficult throughout with catching public transport (I live in a small town with terrible bus links to the station) and getting to work. But, I do not regret this. I wasn’t prepared in my mind to drive and I wasn’t in the best of places. I eventually built up the courage to book some lessons again a few months ago and I felt so nervous to take that little leap into driving again. The second time around, I was much more focused and motivated. I still had my doubts and lessons which I couldn’t focus, but my instructor knew that and we really worked well to work on the parts I needed to work on instead of ticking boxes.

I passed my test third time, and that is okay. The whole process can be complicated with our emotions, but I learnt that it is okay to feel. Our emotions are valid, and we can overcome them with time.

I really hope this has opened up some thoughts for you, and you are able to choose a path which is right for you at this moment. I believe in you, whatever your decision may be.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I've been reading through your past advice and seen a lot about intrusive thoughts and it kinda sounds like what my head does but I don't really understand what they are so basically what I'm trying to ask is what are intrusive thoughts? (I didn't want to google it in case I find something worse than what it actually is)

Hello, thank you for sending this in! I really hope I can help you with some resources and tips. Intrusive thoughts can be terrifying and confusing, but you must know that you are not alone.

More people than we realise experience intrusive thoughts and they can be difficult to speak about because of fear of judgement or we do not understand them ourselves. I have personally experienced intrusive thoughts so I will share with you a few tips I use to try and cope with them.

Intrusive thoughts are negative thoughts which suddenly pop into your head. For me, I would dwell on them and continue to think and worry about them which made me feel even worse. I have two websites for you to have a look at, which explains what intrusive thoughts are and the mind website has a true story from someone who has experienced them.

Mind website

anxietyandstress.com

I agree with you when you say you do not want to google it. That is okay and encouraged if you are worried about it. When researching health we can often stumble across an article or diagnosis which we worry about. Self-diagnosis or researching can be really scary and dangerous for us. If you feel you need to speak to someone or get a diagnosis, I encourage you to speak to your doctor about it or another healthcare professional. There are trained councillors in schools, teachers who you can speak to our colleagues and managers at work. Family and friends are also a good option.

When I was dealing with my intrusive thoughts, I had a few ways to cope with them. My first one was writing them down, whether it be in the form of a fiction story or diary. I wrote a lot of fiction which helped distance myself from the thoughts and allowed me to explore them through my characters.

The second tip would be to speak to someone you trust or tell them about it. Not necessarily a doctor or teacher, but someone who you can tell without the worry of judgement. My worst intrusive thought had me really scared and paranoid, and I got to the point where I had to tell my best friend without really thinking it through. I feel that if I thought it through, I would have backed out because of the fear. But there was no reason to be scared, as it helped me get rid of the thought and I had a shoulder to lean on.

I encourage you not to keep them to yourself, as it isolates us and creates fear and more confusion which is damaging to our health. You are not alone, and the intrusive thoughts you may be having could be someone else’s intrusive thoughts too. You can get through this and block them out. Our live chat is always here if you ever need to talk them through instantly, or our ask box is here if you have any other questions.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I'm starting my first job on Thursday (training on Tuesday) and I'm super nervous! I'm really shy and awkward and suck and socializing with people. I have no idea how I'm going to handle this. I'm scared of having a panic or anxiety attack at work. I suppose it'll get easier as time goes by but right now I'm just scared of messing up. I haven't been doing so well mentally lately and this is just stressing me out so much. But I need the money. :(

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and congratulations on the new job role.

Starting a new job can make us feel all sorts of emotions. Feeling nervous or anxious is totally okay, and I hope I can give you some tips and advice on how to cope while at work.

It is always best to try and have a relaxing day before your first day. A good night’s sleep, a clear mind and ready to learn. One way to ease the worry can be to write down all of your concerns the night before. Dedicate 30 minutes or an hour to this, and let all of your worries out on this list. Once you feel you have written it all down, put it away (perhaps even in another room) and focus on the rest of your day or getting ready to sleep. You can look back at these worries after the first day or week, and see what worried you and how they went.

Asking questions is okay. In any situation, there is no silly question. If you want to ask a question, it means you would like clarity in some kind of way and that is okay. Your colleagues will understand that you will have questions, and I’m sure they will be more than happy to answer them - especially during training. Asking questions shows you are willing to learn and is generally a positive way to learn and build relationships with your colleagues. They may be able to share stories on how to remember something or share mistakes and solutions which they encountered. Asking questions is a great thing to do, and it is okay to ask them.

If you are unsure, you can ask. Even if they have told you already, it’s okay to ask again. It can act as a conversation starter and open up more starters for the future without thinking into it.

When I started university, they constantly reminded us that it is okay to make mistakes. As humans, we learn from our mistakes. We remember situations and how we may or may not have handled them correctly. We remember this for the future and are able to improve our knowledge. If you make a mistake, it is okay. It does not mean you cannot do something or did it wrong. It means you will remember next time, and you are learning. Everyone makes mistakes, whether they are new to the job or have been working there for 15 years. It is okay to make mistakes.

If you doubt yourself before or during your work hours, remember that you were chosen for a reason. They saw the potential and a good worker. They believe in you, and understand that you will be learning. Remind yourself that you are new, and you can do this. If you need to, you could set reminders on your phone to tell you this or write it on a piece of paper in your pocket.

Our MHA blog has a page on calming ourselves during anxious moments or panic attacks. I encourage you to check this out (I will link you below) and perhaps work some of these into your day. Whether you need to use them or not, I think it is a beneficial thing to have. There are some really easy techniques which you can definitely use at work, and help to keep yourself from feeling horrible about work. Work is a great thing, it is just believing in ourselves and our choices at work which we often struggle with. That is okay, and we can learn ourselves how to cope and improve our mental health.

Calming Anxiety and Panic

If you need to take a moment to yourself at work, it is okay. Find somewhere quiet or ask if you can quickly pop into the bathroom just to take a moment to breathe. Here, you could perhaps use one of our techniques on our page.

For me, I find a job a positive thing for myself. It keeps me busy and gives me a purpose which I need. One thing which I often forget is that although I love my job, I can switch it off once I am home. I am allowed to have a chilled day and not think or worry about something I did at work. I am lucky enough have a good relationship with my colleagues, and I believe you will be able to do so as well. This way, we can discuss any issues together and learn from each other.

I really hope your training and rest of the job go smoothly, and that you are able to feel comfortable to work there. A new job is a scary thing but can be so exciting too. We have to believe in ourselves and remind ourselves it’s okay to struggle or ask questions. We are human, and if someone judges us or responds negatively, we have to be strong enough to brush it off. Unfortunately, that is sometimes the case. But we are strong enough, and we can show them that we were hired for a reason.

I wish you all the luck, and I am really excited for you. I hope you are too.

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I don't know if i'm trans or not. I am female and like my body but i like how flat my chest looks in a binder and how with certain clothes I can look masculine enough but I wouldn't want to be a man, i dont want facial hair or anything i like my feminine features. I am also a lesbian and I never thought about gender until i really thought WHY I wanted to bind. It scares me, i don't want to be a man

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, I really hope I can help you with how you are feeling. Gender can be a confusing, overwhelming topic as there are not many resources for all of the different genders. But, it can be a validating experience and make you more comfortable with who you are.

I want to first touch on labels, and what they are. Labels are titles we can give ourselves which explain something about us. For example, sexuality or gender. Labels can be incredibly useful to us and help us understand who we are. It can give us something to explain to others who we are, and it can help us to relate to others with the same label. However, you do not have to give yourself a label.

Labels can also make you feel under pressure to fit a certain category, when actually you may have lots of different feelings which relate to lots of different genders. When researching my own gender, I did not want to label myself because it was too confusing and I felt my gender would be set in stone. However, once I realised that I didn’t have to follow any rules or guidelines I gave myself a label. I felt I needed one to help me understand who I was. It is okay to have a label, and it is also okay to not have one!

Binding is okay, whoever you identify as. It is down to how it makes you feel as a person. If you haven’t already, looking into what dysphoria is could be beneficial in understanding why you want to bind. There are also a few resources on binding online, as it is slowly becoming more known about. Some tips for binding are:

Do not try to put on a binder just after a shower, it’s very difficult!

Make sure you own a safe binder (I use gc2b)

Never bind for more than 8 hours

Never sleep or exercise in a binder

Look after yourself and take note of any pain or discomfort while wearing your binder

Gender identity is becoming more spoken about, and something which I do not think a lot of people realise is the number of genders. Some of the more well-known labels which you may have heard of are transgender, non-binary and gender-fluid. Our MHA page has a list of genders and other pieces of information that I have not gone into which I encourage you to have a read of.

List of Genders

Gender and Sexuality

Gender and sexuality are two different things. Both can feel overwhelming when trying to figure out who we are, but we do not have to fit into labels if we do not want to. We are who we are, and figuring out these two things one at a time can often feel less scary and confusing. Do you feel you could focus on one before the other, or at the same time? Either way is okay!

Unfortunately, there is not a definite way or set of rules to go by to tell us who we are. Every person’s experience of gender is different, complex and beautiful. One way which can help give us an idea is standing in a mirror, and saying phrases such as ‘I am female’ and ‘I am male’. This tells us if either feels comfortable to say and may give us some thoughts on who we would like to identify as (transgender, demiboy, gender-fluid etc). Another way to get us thinking is to imagine who we see ourself as in 10 years. Do we see ourselves as a male or non-binary? Do we see ourselves as cis-gender?

The way you are describing how you are feeling is perfectly okay. You can bind and not be male, and even if you do identify as a transgender man you do not have to have any surgery or hormones to identify as a man. I cannot tell you who you are, but I encourage you to look into the different genders and perhaps have a look around on YouTube and hear others speak about their relationship with gender. Something which really helped me is hearing others speak about how they see their gender, and how they may identify with one or two labels.

I really hope this has helped a little. Remember that it is okay to be who you are, and you are worthy whoever you identify as. It is okay to change and find yourself, trying different pronouns and names to see what fits. It is okay to dress in a stronger masculine or feminine look to who you identify as. It is okay to experiment to see what is comfortable and to not give yourself a label. You are you, and it is finding that person and being comfortable in your skin.

I believe in you, and we are always here at MHA for you!

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I live in Japan, and I’ve went to a Japanese school. Now I’m in my last year of high school, and I have to take multiple university exams. I start my first one in a week, but I’ve lost all motivation to study. I feel like I won’t get into any universities even if I do study, and I know I’m running away from my problems, but I just can’t seem to find any will to do anything and I feel like such a loser and weak. I hate disappointing my parents, and I do want to go to university... I’m desperate:(

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I hope we are not too late to talk about this. If you’ve taken the tests then I wish you all the best with them and I hope you felt okay about how they went. Tips for tests and how to handle them can be used in everyday life, though. I really hope there are some techniques you can take away from here and use.

The first base to touch on with studying, for me, is usually the area I plan to use. I’m lucky enough to have a desk with lots of resources, and I find that helps me a lot. However, you can still make a study area on a dining table, a wide space on the floor (as long as you’re comfortable sitting on the floor) or even outside in the shade. Wherever it is, here are a few things to look at:

Supply of fresh air (having a window open, being outside)

A clean, clear space with working pens and pencils.

Highlighters. Can you colour coordinate what each means?

A good chair or position to sit in.

A good temperature.

Having the noise appropriate for you (if you can study with calming music or if you prefer it silent)

Another thing to look at in advance to studying is creating a schedule. Within this schedule, it is beneficial to slot in short breaks, meal times and time to enjoy yourself. It may take a while to figure out which works best for you (whether you prefer studying first thing in the morning, during the day or in the evening), but you can mix it up until you feel it is right all while studying. If you find it helpful, you can even schedule down to the very subject you will be revising each study slot. I always find it rewarding to tick off the slot when I have completed it, too!

Studying can feel overwhelming, as we often are not sure where to start. Scheduling can help with this, as well as finding the best way to revise. There are websites which can help contribute to studying, such as memrise. This is like a digital version of making study cards, but being tested on them. It contains lots of subjects so it may be helpful to check it out. You can, if you find it helpful, also make your own study cards. Writing them out in different pen colours in itself is studying, as we are focused on what we are writing. Then, we can use these small cards wherever we are. At work, in a queue or even at dinner. Mind maps are also useful, and they can be colour coded and stuck on a wall to glance at every so often. When revising for my exams, I used to stick questions on the walls next to light switches, mirrors and even the toilet flush! I had to answer the question (the answer would be on the back) before I could continue my day, or flush the toilet. This way I wasn’t overwhelmed by sitting down in front of a page full of information. I could take little moments out of my day to focus on questions, as well as sitting down and working on some other subjects.

During my dissertation at university, I really struggled to sit and read information. Whether it be an article or my own work, it seemed to jumble into one and go in one ear and out the other. I tried reading aloud, but I struggle with that too. Eventually, I downloaded an extension for Google Chrome called Speak It. I could then highlight what I was trying to read, press the button, and it would read it out loud for me while I followed along. This helped me massively, and I encourage you to try it if you feel you may struggle in the same way.

In most cases, schools offer study sessions in quiet environments with a teacher available if needed. Do you think attending one to see how they work for you would be beneficial? Talking to a teacher or school counsellor about your worries may also help, as they may have some study techniques or tips to cope with the exam period.

On our MHA page, we have some information on school advice. I will link it below. It does not directly target exams or tests, however, some of the advice (especially on getting a good night’s sleep) can be applied to a lot of things in life. I really hope you find the page useful.

School Advice

Speak to the universities you would like to go to. Speak to the staff. But, most importantly, speak to the students. I know this may feel scary and too much, but even communicating via email or a forum is valuable enough. They may have advice on applying or getting through exams, and not all universities may be the same. When I applied, my university focused more on my personal statement, growth within my results and my portfolio. Yours may be the same, so I recommend having a look into that if you feel you can.

I completely understand that this time may be overwhelming and stressful for you, but my last piece of advice I will give you is probably the most important. Breathe, take breaks and take time to yourself. Having time to enjoy things is just as crucial as studying, and it helps our mind massively. It is okay to spend some time away from studying and it is okay to feel nervous. Believe in yourself, and know that you are trying your best. Reward yourself. Look after your mental and physical health.

I really hope this has helped, and to everyone else who is going through exam season. I wish you all the best and believe in you!

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

When I was a kid, I had undergone sexual/physical/mental abuse for about a year. And I think to cope with it, I ate a bunch of food. I now want to become more healthy so I want to ask: how can I become more healthy mentally? I can’t really afford mental help, and no one else knows this but me. I want to be comfortable with myself be for I become more healthy physically.

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I really hope I can give you some ideas or inspiration. I’m so sorry for what you went through, but I believe in you and you can become stronger. You are not your past, but your future.

It is perfectly okay to want to be healthy, but it is just as important to be safe and realise what we are doing. There are lots of ways to focus on our mind, and I think to work on our mental health before physical health can be beneficial!

My first point is that you could make a routine. Perhaps a daily or weekly routine, with simple things such as a wake-up and bedtime or meal times. Keeping to a routine can really split up your day, and give you something to follow if one day you feel a little less motivated. I write mine on a whiteboard, but you could set alarms for meal times, break times from work or even keep the routine in your mind. Whichever works best for you!

Loving yourself as you are is an important lesson. Our personality, our fashion, hobbies and how we feel about our bodies. It is okay to change, and it can be refreshing and a new start for some. You can always change who you are, as long as you are safe and it is making you more comfortable. One thing which I have done is write down points I like about myself, and those which I wish to change. This helped me see what stage I was at in learning to love myself, and what I could safely change to make me feel more like me.

I would just like to say, nobody is perfect but we can learn to love ourselves. The aspects we do not like about ourselves which we cannot change make us who we are. We can be proud of them, and show them off because it is our thing. Physical or not.

Staying positive throughout the whole process goes hand in hand with motivation. While working on your mental health, a little positive message or reminder can go a long way. You could write positive sticky notes and place them around your home, or set reminders on your phone to smile or breathe and relax for a moment. I often have various playlists I listen to which are full of songs that make me feel motivated and happy.

I also have a playlist for when I need a moment to be sad. It is okay not to feel okay, and we have to acknowledge our feelings and embrace them. Sometimes we are sad, that is okay. We just have to know that we deserve happiness and it will pass. We must dust ourselves off and pick ourselves up again. Listening to my playlist gives me that moment to embrace what I am feeling and to focus on something else.

Surrounding yourself with things you love is another good way to clear your mind and focus on positives. Tidying my room helps me, as it gives me motivation and allows me to feel as if my working space isn’t cluttered. Do you feel tidying the area you spend most time would help? Opening a window or making schedules, arranging your notebooks and pens can give you that nice space you can spend time on your laptop or artwork. In addition to this, I sometimes open a window to let in some fresh air. It may sound silly, but fresh air helps a lot when you are inside!

Being okay on your own is a personal challenge for me, but it is incredibly valuable. Being on your own often sounds scary and isolating, but learning to be okay on your own for a little while can help a lot with your moods and how you think. I like to stay busy and switch things up often, whether that be watching a TV show for an hour and then baking a cake, or going for a bike ride. Do you feel this would be something you could benefit from? Being on your own does not have to feel overwhelming, and taking it a day or few hours at a time can really help with the process. It is also important to socialise, whether that be at work with colleagues or family and friends. A balance is key!

There are lots of resources out there, for both physical and mental health. For mental health, there is an app I use called Headspace which gives you short meditations to do each day. These focus on you relaxing and just taking a moment to breathe which can break up a day, stressful situation or negative mood. If you cannot use the app, there are lots of free YouTube videos with calming sounds, music and meditations.

For physical health, there are also lots of apps and YouTube videos. I use Strava, which can track where I go on a run or bike ride and how far I go. A lot of physical activity is actually down to our mental health, though. I encourage you to continue working on your mental health before physical but remember that both are equally as important and you must be safe about how you are doing improving them.

If you have any questions about staying safe, healthy or would just like some more techniques to work on your mental health, please don’t hesitate to drop us another ask. I hope some of these ideas have helped or inspired some of your own, and I believe in you to make this progress. We can do it together!

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

I've shown signs of OCD since I was younger and I've just now realized they are OCD. I wanna talk to a doctor but when I bring them up to my dad he's says they are just quirks and I'll get over it soon. I've had a big problem with eating and have breakdowns multiple times a day from being in the presence of a food I've deemed 'contaminated'. When my mom sees me having a breakdown she normal just says I'm doing it for attention. I don't know what to do or who to see and my parents aren't helping

Hello! I’m sorry that your parents are not taking how you are feeling seriously, and I know how horrible this may make you feel. Even the slightest moment of doubt or not feeling okay should be taken seriously by those who love you, so I really hope that they are able to see this soon and help you. I really hope that I can give you some options on who else you can approach, as I know feeling alone can often make things worse.

Thank you for sending this in, and I am sorry that you’ve had to feel this way for a while without having any help. However, I admire where you are now in wanting help and knowing the next step is getting help. There are a lot of people out there, just like us, who are more than happy to help. We can help you via our ask system, live chat or even a visual aid (we have a video on what OCD is from one of our admins - I’ll link below!)

Apart from us, the second place I can recommend you taking a look at is our page on getting help. This can prepare you and guide you to have a think about who you may be able to approach, and how to approach them. Again, with anything, you are welcome to talk to any admin here at MHA regarding actually booking appointments or the process after getting help, as those who have been through similar situations may be able to answer questions. Getting help may be scary, and it may make us feel as if things are actually real and happening as opposed to it just being an idea or thought. But, this is okay. Asking for help is scary, but it is also a brave and relieving thing to do. Sharing how you are feeling can lift such a weight off your shoulders, especially when you are taken seriously and are listened to.

Another opportunity for you to talk to someone is web counselling - we have a page dedicated to this service, and they can often refer you to something more local which may be of help. Some of those on the counselling service may be trained in specific areas to help you see where to go next. Do you feel you have any close friends who you may be able to talk to? Sharing this with them if you feel you can could really help the process, as you would be able to have someone help with talking to others, or simply just being a listener. I encourage you to do so if you feel you can.

If you are still in school, or any education system, there should be a member of staff who is dedicated to student wellbeing. I encourage you to reach out to them and perhaps just see if you could talk to them on lunch or break. Talking to this staff member will act as a great support in school, as well as them referring you to other resources to help you with your wellbeing. They cannot diagnose you, but they may be able to help with techniques for any symptoms or feelings you experience. They may even be able to accompany you to talking to your parents about this.

My final option for you is to sit down with your parents and talk to them about how they are making you feel. I know this is a scary option, and it may not be possible which is completely okay. Whether alone, with a guidance counsellor or even a friend, talking to your parents and explaining things may resolve a lot. Your parents may be confused or simply not have the information needed to understand, and offering that information could bring up their support and help. It is completely okay if you feel you cannot go down this route, though. I understand talking to parents is easier said than done in a lot of cases, and there are a lot of ways to go about this that I have outlined above.

I really hope this has helped, and that you are able to go down one road to getting help which I have explained. You are always welcome to come back for more information and advice, whether it be via our ask system or live chat. I believe in you, you’ve got this.

OCD

Getting Help

Web Counselling

Back to School

OCD - MHA YouTube

All the best,

Rosie

[mental-health-advice]

Hi! I was wondering if you could help me. I can't seem to focus on anything and I'm so forgetful it's embarrassing. I usually have 2 or 3 things in front of me to do because I can't seem to focus on just one thing so it helps that I can switch from one thing to another and back again. I even did it while writing this... Idk what's wrong with me, I can't focus in class and homework/assignments that hours longer than they should. Idk what to do or where to look for help. Anything helps thank!

Hello! Thank you for sending this in, and I’m sorry for the delay in response. I completely understand how you may be feeling, and it is very frustrating when we cannot concentrate or remember things. I really hope I can help with sharing some of my techniques.

Our concentration can often jump to places for a number of reasons, and it causes us to leave things unfinished or have to spend a lot more time on something than we should. I personally take hours on assignments, when it should take no more than one. I end up sitting down, determined to complete it but instead finding myself distracted and letting my mind focus on something else, instead of the task I am currently doing. I am still working on this, and I have gotten better with some techniques I have been carrying out;

The first thing I did was to create a weekly planner. I made it on my whiteboard, and separated it into 8 columns (one for every day of the week, and an extra one for notes). I was able to then plan when I was going to do what, even if it was something small like post a letter or work an hour on some work. I found it really rewarding when I could rub a task off after completing it, and finding the day blank where I had finished my tasks and had time to relax. This doesn’t necessarily have to be used if you worry about forgetting things, and I believe you can use it to help focus your time into one task and focus on finishing it. Do you feel this could help, or you could give it a try? Is there anything about this you would change?

The second thing I have begun to do is create reminders on my phone for important things. I am able to give it a date it must be done by and, using this with the weekly calendar, I can work out when I need to work on it to get it done in time. This contributes to focusing on one task at a time and not forgetting it, however the environment you are in also takes part in how we work and focus. Here are some tips I have learnt:

Sitting in a room you perhaps don’t usually sit in

Make sure your chair is comfortable

Make sure it is not too hot, or too cold

Sit next to a plant, or have a plant on your desk

Leave your phone in another room, along with any other device you do not need

Divide the task up until little pieces; eg. 5 minutes working, 5 minutes break and so on

Reward yourself when you complete a task!

Have a glass of water by your side

I believe all of these contribute to our focus, especially the room we are in and the distractions we have. Sometimes, people work best with music. I personally don’t work well with music, as I often find myself singing along or listening to the lyrics and ending up losing track of what I am doing.

If you are struggling with school work, there should always be someone at your school who will be available to talk to regarding this. There may be an after school or lunch club where you can go along specifically to work on your assignments, all while a teacher is present for help. Do you feel this may be something to consider?

The final tip I would encourage you to do is dedicate some time, perhaps each day or week, to relax and breathe. Whether we are busy or not, it is always healthy and okay to take a few hours out of an evening to perhaps have a hot bath or have a nice meal. Allowing ourselves this time can help a lot when coming to times where we need to focus, as our stress levels can be reduced.

I really hope these tips might help you, and that you are able to mix it up a little to find what environment you work best in. You are more than welcome however to come back to us with anymore questions, or simply another opinion on this via ask or live chat. You can do this, I believe in you! One day at a time.

Sleeping

Mindfulness

All the best,

Rosie