manjiro sano lost you in his past life. he has had to live with the agony of seeing you fall apart at his lies of betrayal and infidelity. now that he gets the opportunity to turn back time, there is nothing he wouldn’t do to make things right.
pairing : timeleaper!mikey x reader
content : angst with comfort. second chances. major manga spoilers. confessions of cheating (but it was a lie told by mikey to push reader away). cursing. mentions of death.
mikey stands on the ledge of a rooftop of the building, looking over the city lights illuminating the night, letting the wind brush through his long hair.
he could see the people from here, albeit tiny, he can still observe everyone who passes by. there are smiles on their faces, lovers holding their hands, happily walking on the streets of tokyo aimlessly.
a sharp pain shoots through his chest when he looks beside him, ready to hold the hand of the love of his life, only to be reminded that he is entirely all by himself. it hurts, and he knows he doesn’t have the right to complain when he was the one who pushed you and everyone else away.
he is alone by choice. he distanced himself and deliberately wanted everyone to hate him by choice. that should make it all alright, that the sole reason he has nothing is him. that is what he tells himself.
no matter how self-destructive he is, there is a voice in his head that loves him, and it questions everything that has gone wrong in mikey’s life.
is it really his choice if he doesn’t like it? is it really by choice if had things been different, he wouldn’t have to do it? if he wishes he had another choice?
how is any of this fair?
how could you let them do this to you, mikey?
who gets to decide who is dangerous and not? who gets to decide who would live happily with their loved ones and those who would die alone? if there is a god out there, how is it any fair just for him to be standing on top of the world... all cold and broken?
it doesn’t make any fucking sense.
it’s all so fucking unfair.
all his life, he has done nothing but envy people for being happy, and for not being afraid to be. because whenever he’s happy, he always had to brace himself for the consequence that would come next.
his happiness was always conditional. always with a price to pay. and now he thinks he has maxed out, having experienced pure bliss with you.
the love of his goddamn pitiful life.
maybe this is payment for being too happy. for thinking you’d both have a future together. it is his punishment for ever thinking it was possible for him to be with someone as good as you.
mikey will repent for it, but he misses you so.
he misses you so much he is close to hallucinating an image of you in all the places you’ve been to together. his throat itches at the urge to scream his lungs out at being full of too much longing.
he misses you, and his skin longs for your touch, his heart for your love, and his soul for your warmth. but he can’t do anything to change that.
he closes his eyes to get rid of the sight of people living their lives just right below him, and try to get a memory of you smiling at him.
instead, he is confronted by the memory of the night when he let you go. no—it’s not just letting you go. he deliberately hurt you so you could let him go.
manjiro sano remembers it all. he remembers your betrayal-stricken eyes. he remembers your quivering lips. he remembers your hiccups in between your sobs. he remembers how he broke your heart, the very thing he promised that he wouldn’t do.
he remembers it all too well.
it sucks to be the one who remembers.
“i don’t think i heard you right, manjiro.”
your boyfriend hasn’t been coming home lately. it worries you, where he is, where he stays when he’s not home. you worry if he eats well, if he is alright and not all beaten up somewhere.
despite his behavior, you brush it off as something that he has to do. maybe he needed some time to himself. perhaps something important came up in kantou manji hang. he’s an important man, after all.
you don’t have the heart to assume something else other than that. so, the revelation he makes to you tonight as soon as you gets in the door shocks you.
“you heard me right,” he says without emotion, despite the havoc wreaking inside his body it makes him want to hurl. “i cheated on you. kissed and slept with someone else. i can’t bear to keep it from you.”
his heart is acting like a ticking time bomb. the confusion in your eyes, not believing what he just said, hurts more than if you would just scream at him and throw curses around.
she doesn’t believe me.
the expression on your face is straight. you are waiting for the punchline. it is a cruel fucking joke but you’re willing to forgive him for it if he would just say that he’s tripping.
but he doesn’t say anything. he just stands at the doorway, almost one foot outside the door because he’s so ready to leave. he’s ready to leave you and you don’t understand why.
“you’re lying.”
he shakes his head, and it was the cue for your heart to start clawing out of your ribs in the realization that he might just be telling the truth.
but he’s manjiro sano. he is yours. he has always been yours like you have been his. there is no way he could do that to you. the person who kisses your forehead goodnight could not possibly cheat on you.
“i’m not lying.”
he is lying. he hasn’t been coming home because his impulses have been worst than ever. he’s afraid he’d black out and wake up to your cold body next to him. he’s terrified that his love would not be enough to keep you safe from the danger that is himself.
he is lying, because it is physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually impossible for the man to even look at somebody else that is not you.
you are the only one he wants. you are the only one he has ever loved. that is his greatest, naked truth. and right now, he has to convince you otherwise.
how could he fucking possibly make you believe that he doesn’t love you anymore, when his entire body knows for sure that it belongs to you. only you.
“i tried to stop it, but i’ve been so fuckin’ lonely lately with all those nights alone. needed someone to keep me warm, you know.” it feels like insects are crawling underneath his skin at the disgust he feels at his own words, despite coming from a place of untruth.
in denial, it is your turn to shake your head. you even manage to crack a smile in hopes that he would return it. “mikey, p-please? i don’t get it, love. this is not a good joke. please, stop it, yeah?”
your pleas don’t fall on deaf ears. he’s willing to stop saying it over and over now only if you would believe him and just push him away.
but you’re not doing that.
see, mikey? this is how much she loves you. she loves you too much for her own good. she loves you so much she believes you’re not capable of doing this. she loves you. love her enough to let her go before you become the death of her.
“i’m not kidding. i slept with someone else, and i liked it. i wanted it to happen.”
when the realization hits you, when the coldness behind his ivory eyes supported his claims of cheating on you, you break and manjiro sano breaks with you.
he cannot bare to look at the sobs that leave the lips that he worships, nor the tears that escape the eyes that he would be a slave for.
you are hurting because of him and he knows it would happen. he wanted this to happen. better break your heart than have you die on his arms. he can’t let that happen. not in this lifetime and not in the next.
for five minutes, the only sound bouncing off the walls of your studio apartment is your wails. cries of someone who feels like they have lost everything, including faith in all that they have ever believed in.
“why…” you whisper, but loud enough for him to hear. “why would you… how could… i don’t understand. i can’t wrap my head around it.”
he wants to look away, but he doesn’t. he looks at you, bearing your broken heart to him, serving it to him on a silver platter.
mikey etches it in his mind to make sure he remembers how hurt you were, so he can pay for it in hell. he is not sure how, but he will suffer for it. he promises he will burn just to fucking pay for this—this moment, right here.
“i’ll just grab my stuff and i’ll be out before you know it.”
your eyes widen and you hurry to block his way to the bedroom. “what? no! no! you’re not leaving, mikey! we’re going to talk about this, okay? y-you can’t leave like this. this is your home. don’t go. please.”
the look he gives you is incredulous. “are you sick in the head? i cheated on you, and you want me to stay?”
you flinch at the reminder. he can’t believe it left your mind for a moment. you can’t believe it either because even though everything has been said and done, you still can’t believe it.
“everything hurts! looking at you hurts too much right now, but i need to understand! i want to hate you but i’m willing to talk about it if you have an explanation! you can call me stupid but i’m not letting you go! make me understand! just… don’t leave.”
he looks away because he can only take so much. he wants to get away from here as fast as possible so he won’t have to hear or see the aftermath of the storm he just created.
pushing past through you, you stumble in your foot following him to the bedroom where he brought out a bag that he now fills with some of his clothes. without you noticing, he grabs a hoodie of yours and leaves you one of his, along with most of his things.
“you don’t have to leave! you can say sorry right now and i will forgive you, manjiro!” you continue to sob as you reach out a hand to stop his arms from moving more.
he shoots you a weary look. “why can’t you just let me fuckin’ leave?!”
“because i might never get to see you again! as much as i can’t bare to look at you knowing what you did, i can never live knowing i’d never see you again! you will disappear! i know you!”
he wants to take you in an embrace and ask for your forgiveness for lying, but he has to stand his ground. everyone he has ever loved will die, if he doesn’t leave.
you will be in peril if he doesn’t do this. and there is nothing he wouldn’t sacrifice to keep that from happening.
“if-if you don’t have feelings the person you slept with, we can figure this out. mikey, love, i’m willing to work this out with you. j-just don’t leave.”
you just thought him how to get out of this. he is going to say it, and he is not going to mean it.
“i love them.”
if the thought of him being physically involved with someone else brought excruciating pain, this—him falling in love with someone else—was death.
mikey dies with you.
i will pay for this, baby. i will burn in hell to pay for this. i will never forgive myself for this. i promise, that i shall never be happy again after this.
at the battle of the two tomans, he finds himself begging takemichi to stay alive.
“this is why i pushed you all away, see? this is exactly what i feared would happen!” he cries out because he is exhausted.
his dark impulses are gone, but takemichi is gone, and you are gone. everyone he loves is gone, in one way or another.
he has done everything in his power to keep this from happening. he survived lonely nights, ate bland meals, and lived in isolation the past years just to keep all of you safe.
he had to watch his friends reach milestones and celebrate with each other, face hurdles together, simply hanging out as the sun sets while he does nothing but wish he was included—all of that to stop this, but it’s happening. there was nothing else he could have done but life is working against him still.
right now, he’s soaking in the blood of one of his very best friends. shinichiro is gone, emma is gone, izana is gone, draken is gone, and he doesn’t doubt that there would be a next if he keeps himself close.
why? i don’t understand. he has followed everything even when it killed him, so why?
“c’mon, takemitchi! wake the hell up, damn it!”
the people whom he once called his friends are all weeping tears of grief at the sight of the new leader of tokyo manji gang bleeding out. they won’t ever say it, but mikey is sure they are blaming him for it. everyone probably thinks they would have been better off without him, without meeting him again like this.
they all have each other, they would have been fine. but what about mikey? what about him?
do they not know?
do they not know how much he wept and how he made his house a disaster right after he went home when he saw draken laying lifelessly on the ground with three bullet holes in his body?
do they not know how much he wishes he could just be selfish for once and come home to you? so you can wipe his tears and nurse his pain?
of course, they don’t know. he never showed that to anyone. no matter how much he wished someone saw it anyway.
he had to stand by his decision, no matter how lonely the road he chose was. he would choose it again and again, if it ensures this won’t happen. but it’s happening.
and he wants nothing else but make it right.
again, again, and again.
the next time mikey opens his eyes, he is back in his childhood home. he lays awake on his bed, confused as to why he could hear shinichiro’s screams for emma to get off the couch, and the latter’s cheeky giggles.
he thinks, what a dream. i miss them so much since the day they left me. the heavens know what i’d give to go back to this day.
mikey startles when the door to his bedroom opens, revealing shinichiro.
he almost wants to cry and throw himself at his brother to hug him, but the older sibling got to open his mouth first.
“and you! when will you get up?! when it’s christmas? move it or you’ll be late for school again! that won’t be a good impression to make for your y/n, your crush!”
this dream is a little too realistic. still, he follows his brother like a good boy, completely going with the flow of this dream.
but when he steps on the floor, his foot catches a lego scattered around, and he yelps in pain. in pain.
that’s not normal in a dream, is it?
slowly, the idea of the possibility of time-leaping introduced to him by takemichi hits him. he sprints outside his room and snaps his head to the calendar.
and the year suggests that he is eight years old. a child. and this year, everyone is alive.
“emma?” he calls for his sister that he carried lifeless on his back by himself. there are now real tears in his eyes, and his sister slowly approaches him.
“hmm? are you okay, mikey?” the blondie little girl asks curiously, confused as to why mikey has literal waterfalls for an eye right now.
“will you punch me on the face real hard?”
without a second thought, emma does so, like she has been waiting for her whole life to do that. mikey grunts, but tears only continue to flow at pure happiness of this second chance.
he embraces emma in his arms. “you’re here. oh, my god. you’re really here. nii-san will protect you this time, yeah? i promise ‘ya that.”
his next thought… is none other than you.
he doesn’t bother to put on his uniform. despite shinichiro calling him to get back, he only rides his bike and pedals as fast as he can to get to school. he looks for the 2nd graders’ classroom.
and there you were. sitting all too cute and pretty on the colorful chairs of the elementary school you both attended, with a spare seat next to you that you specifically reserved for him because he is always late.
time stops for him when you raise your head to look up at him, and meet his eyes.
you are both alive, and you are both young with your whole lives ahead of you. you don’t know it yet, but this little crush thing going on between you two right now will grow into something bigger.
you have no idea that you will end up kissing him first on your last day at middle school, and move in together at eighteen.
but he knows.
he knows what went right. he knows what went wrong. and he knows what to do this time so he won’t have to let you go anymore.
so he walks up to you, and says:
“hi. you look like my girlfriend.”
you laugh it off as a poorly executed pick-up line he heard from his brother, but then again, he knows something you don’t know.
you are his girlfriend. or at least, you will be.
“manjiro, you look like you need some sleep!” you say as your cheeks flush at his line anyway, pertaining to his puffy eyes that are results of his incessant crying.
I was the one who requested the 6th part, well, asked if there would be a continuation to the 'Orange Graffiti' anyways-
Holy shit, I loved reading it, I was honestly shocked to see you make part 6, grateful nonetheless! So, uhm- THANK YOU!
WELCOME BACK, it is I, <3 Grace <3
hehehe yayyyyyyy, i aim to please so that makes me so happy to hear you enjoyed <333
it had been a while so I actually had to reread everything too 💀
honestly i don’t rlly have any trajectory for this story, at the time when I started writing it I just wanted to put out more Mikey content since I feel like there is a big lack in that department, soooo it was all very ‘let’s write what comes to mind’ (like most of my stuff…LOL) it’s never been planned out so yeah very spontaneous but I think it’s so cool that regardless some people think it’s good :D
all of that to say thank you for the kind words <3
