So... I kinda-- sorta-- love you, but you already know that. I always worry that I bug you, despite all the things you say. I wish I didn't always doubt you. (Believe me, I'm trying.) But it's a terrible habit, and it makes me sad that I jump to the worst possible thing. I want to make you happy, that's the only thing ever on my mind when I talk to you. I love to hear you laugh, I love to make you smile. I love our long conversations, that drag on through 'till dawn. I love your ideas, and creativity, though I know for certain that you would disagree with me. I love that I can always talk to you, even though I usually get embarrassed. Though... How could I not? You're unbelievably charming, intelligent, beautiful, funny, COMPLETELY mesmerizing... Really, the list could go on and on. I want you to stay in my life, even if we're nothing more than friends, I couldn't ask for anything more.
I want to continue to make memories with you, do stupid things together, become lost in your words, as I clumsily try to piece mine together... You're not perfect, but you don't have to be. I love you and all your little imperfections. I don't want to fail you, I know you probably don't have any set expectations for me, but I want to be more than myself-- If that makes sense... I want to... I want to be somebody special to you. I've never thought myself someone worthy of love, much less from someone as great a person as you, but... I guess I'm selfish. I want, but that doesn't really mean anything, huh?
Even if it wasn't me bringing you happiness, to know that someone else can, would probably bring me to tears, but I'd be happy that you're happy. I want to dance with you, I want to watch the stars with you, I want to sing you small lullabies, I want to hug you to me, I want to fall asleep next to you, I want... I want... I want...
I sometimes wish you could be clear with me, but if that is merely how you are-- vague-- then I can't complain. Because it is just the way you are. I'd like some clarity every now and then, some facts to go on, even though I tend to forget them, even when I write them down. I can't help but remember that everything is temporary. Your thoughts could change, how you see me could change, how you think of me could change, how... You could suddenly leave, without a word...
I know you promised, but I need to know something. Do you try? I try to keep you beside me, and if you don't want to stay, I can't help but feel even more selfish. Keeping you here if you don't want to be here.
I can get so jealous, and I know you don't like the word 'sorry', so I guess I'll just say I'm ashamed of myself. Jealousy is stupid, but there are a million other people out there-- most of which are better than me. So I wonder sometimes. Perhaps a little too much every now and then...
I love you, I love you, I love you!
Please, please, please, no matter what I say, or what happens, please remember that. You mean more to me than you could ever possibly know. It's silly, and it probably doesn't mean anything, but I love you. Even when a bunch of stuff is stressing you out, you have a bad day, or your just plain tired. Always. That's... Pretty cliche, but it's true, okay?
I worry for you, all the time. Even though I know it's silly to, because you can take care of yourself. Maybe it's just an excuse to talk to you, I don't know. Every small conversation, every message here and there, it means a lot to me. I truly appreciate you.
It'd be nice, perhaps one day, to eat pizza and Hawaiian punch popsicles, and watch old movies and mindless horror all day, together, but... Well, y'know.
