“Babe, can you come here?” you called as you stared at the box of chocolates that had somehow (you had a few suspicions how) ended up on the one shelf in the kitchen you couldn’t reach. Again. Sighing, you tapped your feet and paced back and forth a few times as you waited, but there was no answer. You knew you should probably be patient, but right now, you were in no mood to be. You needed chocolate, and you needed it NOW. Slowly, you took in the biggest breath you could and silently apologised to the neighbours, if they were home.
“KIM NAMJOON! THIS IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH!” you shouted at the top of your lungs. In a split second, you were smirking to yourself at the sound of Namjoon’s office door slamming open and his bare feet slapping on the hallway floor as he raced for the kitchen.
“What?! What is it? Did you get hurt?” He rattled off questions as he virtually launched himself into the kitchen, hands patting everywhere as he checked for injuries. You chuckled, taking a step back out of his grasp.
“No, but you will be if you don’t get down that box of chocolates you put up on the top shelf AGAIN” you warned, eyes trailing lazily up to the white box sitting in plain view but out of reach. A sheepish grin crossed his features and he quickly reached up and grabbed it, pushing it eagerly into your arms.
“Bad day, sweetie?” His voice clearly betrayed the caution and you felt a sense of grim satisfaction that he was able to recognise the danger signs so easily.
“Bad FEW days, sugarplum” you replied, giving him a sickly sweet smile that had him backing away a couple of steps with a look of fear you had come to recognise. He knew what that kind of manner meant and knew better than to mess with you when Aunt Flo came to visit.
“W-want me to go get some more chocolate? Heat pads? Teddy bears? Goats to slaughter?” The randomness of the last offer caused you to burst out laughing and his expression softened, seeing that you weren’t truly angry. He moved closer again, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close, planting a kiss on your forehead. “Have I ever told you you actually get more beautiful this time of the month?” Raising an eyebrow, you looked up at him in disbelief.
“I’m a cranky, bloated, sore, crampy mess. How is that more beautiful?” He chuckled, rubbing your back gently where he knew it always hurt.
“You’re not a mess. You somehow glow. You know how they say pregnant women glow?” You nodded. It was a term you’d heard more times than you could count. “Well, you’re always beautiful, but this time of the month, there’s something extra there.” Cheeks colouring at the unexpected compliment, you took a step back out of his grasp, opening the box of chocolates and thrusting it at him.
“Here, have a chocolate.” He eyed the sweets for a few moments before frowning and shaking his head.
“Can’t. I need to lose some weight.” Your jaw dropped and he gazed at you in confusion. “What?”
“How can you need to lose weight? You’re already ass-less as it is! I have zero ass, and I have more ass than you. If asses were like bellybuttons, yours would be the most innie of innies. You have an anti-ass.” The unamused look on his face stopped you and you gave him your most innocent smile.
“I’m the anti-ass, huh?” Nodding enthusiastically, you plucked one of the chocolates and held it to his mouth, your smile spreading when he opened his mouth. Popping it in, you waited for him to begin chewing before you took one yourself, closing your eyes and savouring the creamy sweetness.
“Yup. Assless Wonder. That’s my man.” Suddenly, before you knew what was happening, there was the sound of a belt being unfastened. Your eyes flew open just in time to see Namjoon unzipping his jeans and dropping them and his boxers to the floor, stepping out of them and turning around so that his back was to you. “What. The hell?”
“Does that look like an anti-ass to you, babygirl?” he asked, hands on his hips as he looked over his shoulder, smirking at you. You pressed your lips together, torn between appreciation and a giggling fit. After a few moments of staring, you finally shook your head slowly, though the giggles were surfacing a little already.
“Nah, you’ve toned it a bit. Must be all those workouts I’ve been helping you with.” You winked, helping yourself to another chocolate with another innocent smile. He glared at you, turning around and stepping closer.
“Just you wait, missy,” he warned, his voice holding a slight edge though still lighthearted. You raised an eyebrow, questioning what he meant. “You’re evil, teasing me like that when you know I can’t get revenge.” You giggled but he moved forward, causing you to step backwards until he leaned on the counter, his hands on each side of you, trapping you in the frame of his arms. The giggling stopped abruptly as he lowered his lips to your neck, pressing a light kiss there before they moved to your earlobe, brushing gently over it as he spoke softly. “As soon as you’re finished with your ‘bad few days’, you’re going to pay for those remarks. You’re going to help me ‘work out’ so often you won’t even have the energy left to joke about my ass.” With one last kiss to your cheek, he pushed off the counter, giving you a cheeky wink. He turned, grabbing his jeans and boxers from the floor and wandered out of the room as if nothing had happened, leaving you wondering if perhaps you had set yourself up for trouble.
