Ficlet: Size Ain’t Got Nuthin to Do with It
Written for @cutiepie-tro’s extreme height difference AU! Or mini-Vinnie AU, as I like to call it.
“Why?”
That was all Cavendish could say on the matter.
Dakota shrugged, depositing the bundle of doll-sized clothes on the table. “It’s like a secondhand store, but for clothes! Besides, this time of year they’re selling the ones with the fashionable winter jackets. I think I’d look good in mini-faux fur.”
He held up a tiny red jacket.
Unable to come up with a response, Cavendish got up from the couch, almost tipping it backwards, and grabbed the TV remote. Hopefully the local news anchor would explain it better than he could.
“The owners of Freddy’s Toypalooza have been baffled by the oddest case of theft in the twenty years they’ve had the store,” the anchor reported. The camera panned to the doll aisle, which had many packages opened and scattered around the floor, some dolls missing the clothing they were advertised with. “The only clue in the crime scene was a bent needle that had been discarded at the end of the aisle. Police believe it was the tool the thief used to rip open the packaging. The investigation is still ongoing.”
Cavendish shut the TV off with some difficulty when the news turned to traffic conditions. The buttons on the darn thing just weren’t made to accommodate anyone taller than eight feet.
“You can’t just raid the girl’s section every time you need clothes!” Cavendish complained. “Are you sure you don’t want me to crochet you a few things?”
Dakota continued to sort through the fabric he’d brought back. “No. You managed to get your hands stuck in a cat’s cradle last time and I had to crawl into that mess and untangle you one knot at a time. That took forever and I have a ‘not doing that again’ clause in my contract.”
“You can barely sign a contract!” Cavendish protested.
“I could do it the professional way if someone would make pens for fun-sized people,” Dakota replied. “The year 2175 and nobody thought to invent it yet. The nerve. Until then, the Bureau is receiving my paperwork all signed with a broken forest green crayon.”
Cavendish rolled his eyes. “We’re digressing. The point is you shouldn’t be stealing clothes from children’s toys.”
“Well, I’ve been meaning to try on the ones from that expensive stuffed animal shop downtown. The commercials make those things look appealing.”
“Dakota, no.”