So I was watching captain America civil war for the millionth time coz I was sad and wanted to see my man.
And somehow the thing that struck me most this time around was that bucky saw Steve with the avengers. All these people who respect him. All these people he calls friends.
All while Bucky himself is struggling to remember not only Steve but also himself. He must've felt jealous, angry, pitiful for himself.
Mind you he has no one else he can call friend let alone family other than Steve.
How his heart must've broken when he saw his best friend with all his other friends fighting for him.
He who has no one he can call his. No place to call home.
He must've felt replaceable. Expendable. He would've seen Steve doing so well in his life while Bucky himself has to make sense of whether what his mind conjures is real or not.
And not to mention the guilt of worsening things for Steve who was doing so well until he came around all messed up by Hydra.
And then he says "I don't think I'm worth all this, steve" to sum up decades worth of agony in merely 10 words like it isn't eating him from the inside.
Okay bye, gonna go cry again now. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk