#monkees pilot script

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You must listen to Mike Nesmith's interview on Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. He talks at length about the Monkees, and in particular the Monkees pilot, exploring some of the concepts I had explored in the Monkees Script Project.  Here’s the pull quote:

“What happened was this: The screenplay, instead of it being ironic, and funny, it became sardonic and angry. It was… it mocked. And so the four main characters were assholes. They were just jerks. Nobody liked them, nobody wanted to be around them or anything. They were written into the screenplay so they were in everybody’s face and everybody’s hair. And it was just a very unpleasant kind of thing, and it never got funny.

“When they put Davy’s interview… and they put my screen test on it, that changed … ‘Meet the Monkees and you’ll never know where they show up next.’ And now, then, it became madcap, and kind of easygoing, and so when we were making fun of something, or poking fun at it, it was gentle and it was not angry. It was just kids fooling around and having fun.”

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A few notes about the last section of the pilot script. 

The Swedish Rhythm Kings are described as dropping their instruments and running to the exit when told to report to their embassy.  In the episode, they carried their instruments (leaving the drums behind) and marched away in a dignified fashion.  Not only was this a better execution of the scene, it was probably at least 200% easier to film.  Never mind the expense and bother of dropping a clarinet, accordion and violin on the floor. 

The character who did the most talking in the Let’s Dance On scene was the interviewer, who seemed desperate to get somebody to make a comment into his microphone.  None of that was in the script.  Not one bit.  Which is rather ironic, given that the Interviewer was played by scriptwriter Paul Mazursky.   

The freeze-frame title card joke “A typical teenager?”  and “No, a friend of the Producer,” were not in the script. 

In the aired episode, Mrs. Russell has four lines.  Two, way back in Act I:  “Don’t you think you’ve been spending too much time with that boy?  When you should have been studying.”  And the second:  “Oh, dear.”  Later, in the party scene, she has two brief exchanges with her husband:

RUSSELL What are you crying about?

MRS. RUSSELL It’s so sad!

And then, as the episode draws to a close:

RUSSELL I’m in terrible pain… but I like it!

MRS. RUSSELL Oh, Charles!

I point it out now, simply because NOT ONE OF THOSE LINES IS IN THE SCRIPT.  According to the script, Mrs. Russell never speaks a word.  She is present when her daughter comes home at 1:00 am, she is present when Vanessa announces that she failed her history test, she is present at the party.  She cries (Russell asks her why!) and she dances with her husband while he is in terrible pain.  But she never says a word.  What we have here is a non-speaking role being expanded to a speaking role.  More importantly, we have a cipher character being expanded to a participant.  Thank God!  Because it would have been patently absurd to show all these family interactions with a mother who doesn’t have a word to say. 

The final scene’s most significant change—no, the most wonderful, delightful, inspired and heartwarming change between script and screen in the entire episode—is just four little words spoken by Mr. Russell.  In the script, he says, “I’m in terrible pain.”  The script doesn’t even say that he is dancing as he says it.  There are no stage directions, no instructions about emotional state or facial expressions.  Russell could be having a heart attack, for all the script shows.  But on the screen, he is dancing enthusiastically with Mrs. Russell, and he adds those four magic words:  “But I like it.” 

He likes it!

I’ve said it before, and this one line makes me more certain than ever:  this episode is all about Vanessa and her daddy.  And it’s Mr. Russell alone who experiences any personal growth because of the events of Here Come the Monkees.  

Finally, Mazursky and Tucker sign off with an unexpected bit of cynical self-mockery.  "BEGIN UNEMPLOYMENT FOR ALL CONCERNED."  Ironic, as Mazursky and Tucker would not write for The Monkees again. 

That’s the last of the blog posts about the pilot script.  I still have scripts for Monkees in a Ghost Town and The Case of the Missing Monkee.  Are you interested? 

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Monkees Script Project: The Pilot (14 of 14)

This is the last sequence in the pilot, and it’s shorter than you might think.  I’ll type it out in full, including the very last sentence of the script, a mild but telling joke that was never meant to be filmed.   

One last, and probably overdue disclaimer:  I am doing my very best to preserve the script exactly as it appears, except for some formatting issues that are beyond my control (neither facebook nor tumblr will allow me to center dialogue on the page).   I’m not a perfect typist, but I do know that it’s “Monkees” and not “Monkeys”; “Micky” and not “Mickey”; and that periods go inside of punctuations marks.  The script was typed out (and retyped, and re-retyped) by busy people who had great and glorious things on their minds.  Using manual typewriters.  Perhaps, not even with the benefit of a handy bottle of Liquid Paper. 

***

96   ANGLE – DAVY, MICKEY, PETER

DAVY Now, how do we get Sven and the Rhythum Kings off the bandstand?

Suddenly over the loudspeaker:

WOOL HAT (V.O.) (Swedish accent) Ladies and Gentlemen, your attention… please…

97   ANGLE DANCE FLOOR People on the dance floor react.  MUSIC STOPS.

98   ANGLE BANDSTAND Wool Hat has the mike in his hand.  The Four Swedes stand behind him.

WOOL HAT (Swedish) Your attention, please.  I regret to inform you that Norway has just declared war on Sweden.  Well all Swedish Nationals please report to their Embassy.

The Four Swedes drop their instruments and run to exit, muttering wildly in Swedish as they go.  The crowd on the dance floor has made an aisle for them.  DOLLY THROUGH CROWD.  Everyone is frozen, silent.  When they get to exit, the other Monkees join Wool Hat on bandstand and start to play a rocking, rolling song:  “LET’S DANCE ON”.

99  ANGLE DANCERS Immediately all start dancing:  kids, Fat Man, Old Lady, Vanessa, Russell, Tipsy, Rudy, Jill.

100   SOMEWHERE – FAT MAN  - OLD LADY Dancing.

FAT MAN (to music) Thin!  Thin!  Thin!

101  ELSEWHERE – RUSSELL – MRS. RUSSELL

RUSSELL I’m in terrible pain.

102   ELSEWHERE – VANESSA – YOUNG BOY Dancing.

VANESSA Hey… you really swing.   CUT TO:

103   CLOSE DAVY Shrugging to other Monkees, as if to say, “well, that’s the way it goes”.

104   LONG SHOT The Monkees are playing and singing.  All parties on the floor are involved in a rollicking, swinging, boss, too much, fab, dyno, screaming, out-of-sight, dance.

105   CLOSE – TEENAGE GIRL She walks to bandstand right through madness.

106   SERIES OF INTERCUTS between Teenage Girls and Davy (as in earlier sequence with Vanessa.)

107   ANGLE – MONKEES They all beat up on Davy with their instruments, and chase him off the bandstand.  MUSIC UNDER: “THE MONKEE THEME”.

108   SUPER CREDITS OVER SHOTS OF MONKEES TAKEN FROM PICTURE. a)   Roller Coaster b)   Monkees playing on bandstand. c)   Chase sequence, etc. d)   End with:  Zoo scene.  End Theme. BEGIN – UNEMPLOYMENT FOR ALL CONCERNED.    FADE OUT.

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Note that the script specifies that we should not be able to see the bride at first—and yet, it says that she is smiling.  Not sure how they were going to show that! 

Was any of this filmed?  I’m of two minds.  On the one hand, when we see the Little Old Lady in the party room, she’s not wearing anything that even remotely resembles a wedding dress.  Also, the line she is supposed to say during the wedding scene (“To think: we met crossing a street.”) appears in the party scene—even though it is not in the script for that scene.   On the other hand, Turner’s mysterious line, “Thin!  Thin!  Thin!” IS in the script for the party scene, and it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense there without the earlier line, “I almost feel thin,” in the wedding scene.  A couple of commenters have even told me that they thought Turner’s line during the dance was, “Rin Tin Tin!” 

We never hear Jill say, “The Monkees are here!   The Monkees!”  But she is present in the scene, standing beside Vanessa when Davy says, “Your old man’s chasing us.”   I mention this, simply because I never noticed her there before.   I don’t see her father Rudy at the party, though. 

Thankfully, Russell’s line, “I don’t know about that boy’s music – but he sure is a messy kisser,” was left out of the finished episode.   For one thing, it’s quite clear that Davy’s lips never came close to Russell’s cheeks. 

The next entry will be the last one.  No earth-shattering surprises, but one last joke from Mazursky and Tucker that was never meant to be filmed.  Stay tuned!

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Allow me to say just this about the Monkees pilot script in general:  It just cheeses me off that the character of Dr. Lionel Turner is named throughout the script simply as "FAT MAN."   Yes, I get that we also have "TIPSY MAN" and "BLONDE" and "LITTLE OLD LADY," but none of those characters have names.  Dr. Lionel Turner has a name.  Heck--he even has a personality.

Strangely, the actor who played Dr. Turner is one of the episode's writers, Larry Tucker. 

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Monkees Script Project: The Pilot (13 of ??)

Well, I promised you a wedding.  Right there in the country club, at the exact same time that Vanessa is blubbering about her Sweet 16 party, and her daddy is chasing the Monkees from room to room, there’s a wedding going on…

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91   INT. “WEDDING ROOM” A lovely, flowery room with a wedding in progress.  The minister is the Interviewer.

MINISTER One final question, Dr. Turner:  Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?  CUT TO:

FAT MAN I do!

BRIDE (smiling) How nice.

Organ music swells to wedding march.

93   ANGLE DOOR Russell and Guard enter noisily.  Then stop respectfully.  They circle suspiciously around the ceremony.  Fat Man has his back to them as he kisses Bride on forehead.  We now see bride.  It is the Little Old Lady from Act One.

LITTLE OLD LADY (wisfully) To think:  We met crossing a street.

FAT MAN (happy) I almost feel thin.

Now the Monkees appear from behind the Fat Man, throwing rice and yelling “good luck” as they rush out door.  Russell is about to pursue, when:

The Interviewer stops him.

INTERVIEWER (taking microphone from pocket) Excuse me, sir… I wonder if you could answer… (looks at Monkees exiting) … that is… who are these… uh…   CUT TO:

94   THE BALLROOM Sven and the Group are playing another chorus of “whispering”.  The teenagers are still staring at them.  The Monkeys burst into the Ballroom.

VANESSA (screams with joy) The Monkees!

JILL The Monkees are here!... The Monkees!

The following people come rushing into the Ballroom:  Russell, the Guard, the Doorman, Tipsy Man, Waiter, the Interviewer, the Fat Man, Blonde, and Little Old Lady. 

VANESSA (to Davy) What’s happening?

DAVY (running by her) You old man’s chasing us!

The Adults are trying to get through to the Monkees.  CUT TO:

95  ANOTHER ANGLE – NEAR DOOR

****

I’m going to pause the transcript here, because the next bit is identical to what was seen on the screen.  (Spoiler: Russell tells the Monkees they can stay!)  I’ll just jump forward to this last bit of business—and one line that got cut!

****

95 CONTINUED

Davy embraces him, French military style.  Kisses one cheek, then the other.

DAVY (accent) Merci, Mon Capiton.

Then with a sweeping, grand gesture, accented:

DAVY (cont’d) Now, in gratitude, we must play.

He exits from scene.  Russell smiling puts his arm around Vanessa.

RUSSELL

I don’t know about that boy’s music – but he’s sure a messy kisser.

Vanessa gives her daddy a big kiss.  Under all of this “Whispering” has been playing on and on.

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We’re in the homestretch, folks! 

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Part 12 continued the chase sequence through the country club, with one vignette that is very close to what appeared on screen, and one vignette that was very different. 

The ping pong scene is quite faithful to what’s in the script, with just a couple of minor exceptions.  The woman in the blue tunic is identified in the script only as “BLONDE.”  The actress hired for the part was very much a brunette—not that it matters that much, but it’s a curiosity that the writers felt it necessary to identify her by that one  characteristic. 

In the script, Blonde has no lines, but the woman who appeared in the scene says, incongruously, “You play beautifully.”  And an unidentified Monkee replies in a squeaky high voice, “I know it.”  I singled out that exchange in my book as a Clunker, because it made no sense.  I had hoped that the script would help make the purpose of that dialogue clear, but instead the script deepens the mystery.  There wasn’t supposed to be any dialogue in that scene at all!

Moving on, we have the third scene in the country club’s bar.  On screen, we only see Russell dash through, with the guard and the doorman in pursuit, and the waiter throw his tray and join the chase.  That’s it.  But the script surprises us by revealing all four Monkees hiding in plain sight behind the bar, then engaging the Tipsy Man in some bamboozle dialogue.  “Ferney, nerney, gerney…” I have no idea what that was supposed to represent, especially as the Tipsy Man was able to speak in clear, complete sentences in every other instance.  Another attempt, perhaps, to show off the Monkees’  impromptu rock renditions of things they hear.  Remember the earlier scene at Rudy’s Record Rack? 

“When we – shebang – were – shebang – shebang – sweet!!! shebang!!  Sixteen!!”

Fortunately, all of this—including the Tipsy Man’s speech about giving up the booze—was left out of the finished pilot.  

Next… a wedding.  I kid you knot. 

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Monkees Script Project: The Pilot (12 of ??)

Picking up exactly where we left off, with the Monkees leaving their card game with the grownups in pursuit.  I’m going to skip past the sequence in which the Monkees run back through the bar and knock the waiter down a second time; the Tipsy Man asks them if they are the Monkees and they suddenly have monkey masks on their faces as they shake their heads “no.”  That scene is exactly the same on the screen and in the script.   But then…

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82   WOOL HAT smashes ball.   CUT TO:

83  DOOR – BLONDE as ball flies in her mouth.   CUT TO:

84   MED SHOT as two Monkees solicitously pat her on the back to try to disengage ball which finally dislodges and hops.   CUT TO:

84A   CLOSE UP – WOOL HAT New smash.   CUT TO:

84B   DOOR it opens.  Guard sticks his head in and ball goes in his mouth.  

GUARD (mumbling, excitedly, incoherently) Mmmmmm…....mmmmmmmmmm.   CUT TO:

84C   GUARD’S POV Undercrank as Monkees scurry about and run around the table toward camera as guard chases them.   CUT TO:

85  EXT. GAME ROOM – NIGHT Monkees come through door, look about.   CUT TO:

86   RUSSELL GROUP – (WITHOUT GUARD) as he spots boys.  Calls to them and starts to camera.   CUT BACK TO:

87  DOORWAY establishing Monkees f.g., Russell b.g. as Monkees see Russell coming and run away from him toward camera and past it.  Russell goes past.   CUT TO:

88   INT. BAR – NIGHT Waiter standing next to Tipsy Man.  Russell group storms through.  Waiter throws tray and joins chase.  ZOOM IN to reveal four Monkees lined up behind bar, close together, polishing glasses, etc.  We close in on them.  Tipsy Man turns to them.

MONKEES What do you think of the teenage drinking problem?

TIPSY MAY Ferney, nerney, gerney.

as he slowly revolves on bar stool.

MONKEES I like it!  It has a beat!

They do their hip version.

MONKEES Ferney, nerney, boom… boom… etc.   CUT TO:

89   LONG SHOT as they vault bar and leave screen right.  Russell group storms in.  CLOSE UP – Russell as he comes to a halt.

RUSSELL They’re not here.

TIPSY MAN Who’s not here.

RUSSELL (screams) The Monkees.

TIPSY MAN Russell, I warn you.  First you see Monkeys, then elephants.  It gets worse.  Snakes.  Give up the booze, Russell, give it up!

Tipsy Man gets rigid and falls out of the frame.

Russell, completely frustrated, runs out with Guard (ball in mouth), Doorman, Waiter following.  CUT TO:

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Next time… a wedding.  A wedding???