You told me you cared about me, and now I'm waiting for you to tell me again. You told me telling me you loved me was easy because you always wanted to and I want to know if that's how you felt when you left me alone with a liter of vodka and my thoughts, and the pain is killing me and I can't breathe and I wouldn't care if you stabbed me, or smashed my head against the concrete or shot me in the stomach, because honestly anything is less painful than this loneliness and I'm so sorry I wasn't good enough for you and I'm so sorry you don't love me the way I love you and I swear this is not an obsession and I swear to God if you died I'd drown myself in alcohol at your wake and I would try to resuscitate you because I love nothing as much as I love you and I hate nothing as much as I hate you, and I'm so tired of this pain. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. I WILL DOWN TWO LITERS OF VODKA, OR MAYBE DO DRUGS, JUST DO NOT LET THIS LONELINESS EAT ME AWAY. DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. You told me you never wanted to grow up, and you said you never wanted to start in the real world and you left me to do just that and all I know is I'm tired, tired, tired and I just want you here again. I'M NOT OKAY.
a girl wrote in my notebook once