I wrote this as a comment to a video about the whole Tess Holliday thing. I've decided to share it here instead because it turned into a short essay.
I'm a woman of size and have been a consistent 220 lbs for the last 10 years. I don't think obesity should be "normalized" but I also don't think it should be actively stigmatized. If someone is obese, it's not always as simple as telling them to "put down the fork and stand up from the desk". There are usually a host of other issues involved. Most common is probably depression. And when I get told by "friends" and strangers that I shouldn't be happy with my body, that I should "put down the fork", essentially that I should hate my body, that adds to my depression. So does being unable to find clothes that fit, or seeing the lack of positive representation of women of size , instead of them just being the butt of some joke. And you know what depression makes me wanna do? Eat. Every time I eat a piece of fried food, that's an act of self sabotage, and sometimes even self hate.
Reverse psychology doesn't actually work in this situation. If you ACTUALLY care about an obese persons health and you want to help them? Invite them to go to the gym with you, or go for a walk with you. Invite them to dinner or lunch and cook a healthy meal for them. Be there for them and don't berate them when they slip up. Actually listen to how they feel, and do your best to be SUPPORTIVE, instead of degrading.
Also, don't forget that there could be something else entirely out of their control going on with them. Just two weeks ago, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism. You know what some of the symptoms of that are? Weight gain, and difficulty losing weight. I'm not using this as an excuse, but god fucking knows, I HAVE BEEN TRYING. All my fucking life I've been trying to lose weight and nothing. Ever. Worked. And being told "You just didn't try hard enough. You need to stick with it longer. You should go gluten/dairy/soy/carb/fat-free!" is annoying as FUCK. Don't you think I've TRIED all that?? Just because I've accepted myself and have chosen to love and adore the body I'm in doesn't mean I haven't fucking tried to be a healthy person, because I have! I've been trying so hard and thought for so long that I just wasn't doing it right. But now, I finally have an answer. My body betrayed me, I have a condition I couldn't do anything to prevent. I'm treating it now, and maybe, finally, I'll be able to drop this weight that I've been carrying around for years.
But that does not change the fact that I choose to love the body I'm in, no matter what size it currently is. And in fact, choosing to love it is MORE motivating than actively hating it. I much prefer to let my self-love motivate me to better myself, take care of myself, and try to be a healthier person. I LOVE myself and my life and my family and my girlfriend SO MUCH that I'm doing everything I can to be a healthy person. I do want to change the state of my body, not because I hate my body, but because I love myself.
So I guess what I'm trying to say in a round-about-way, is that it's better to love yourself, no matter what size you are. Love your friends and your partners and your family, no matter what size THEY are. Use that love as encouragement to better yourself. Strive for a healthy body and mind, and use love as the driving force.
