#mtg shitposts

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Sorin, after a compleat Nahiri + Phyrexians start pouring into Innistrad while he's still grappling with all of vampirekind hating him, his angel daughter being dead, his other daughter having tried to kill him and wipe out his entire plane, and his grandfather (the one person left alive who still likes him at all) being charmed into hating him and marrying a woman he'd otherwise probably hate:

Arlinn: Shouldn't we do something? Sorin: Well I have 1 plan. Arlinn: ...We're not letting Emrakul out of the- Sorin: What's the worst that happens? it destroys Innistrad??? (gestures at invasion ships, phyrexians, and compleated nahiri) Arlinn: Arlinn: Your job fucking sucks, man Sorin: Yeah. I know. 7000 years of absolute misery

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

is this anything

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while we're on the subject of mtg, warning for spoilers for dominaria united but

I'm OBSESSED with the fact Teferi is going back in time to learn about the sylex

NUKE GOBLET. NUKE GOBLET. Teferi is going back in time to learn how to use the NUKE GOBLET

Teferi shows back up in Ravnica to the rest of the Gatewatch like "I have a plan to deal with the Phyrexians!"

Elspeth, who just found them: so do I! (holds up sword)

Teferi & Elspeth speaking at the same time--

Teferi: we're going to BLOW THEM UP!

Elspeth: we're going to assist in a REBELLION!

everyone else is just like "I'm sorry, who said what now"

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

babe I know lore from Innistrad that not even the writers care about

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

so if sorin didn't remember the OG tarkir timeline and he found ugin, in the new timeline, trapped in a hedron, was his reaction like. To go "well. I see now why Nahiri was so eager to get MY help a thousand years ago and not his," because it looked to him like Nahiri had decided to trap a certain elder dragon on Tarkir?

because I just envision this discussion happening after Ugin wakes up on Tarkir after Sorin releases him and it's the funniest thing to me right now sdksjdksj

Sorin: (aghast) did Nahiri trap you here? Did she come for you as well? Did her call not reach you, either? (clears throat) The Eldrazi are free, Ugin-! Ugin: Sorin, what are you talking about. No, Nahiri did not trap me here. And where is she - you say the Eldrazi are free??? Sorin: Sorin: About that

LOOK I KNOW THERE WAS AN ACTUAL STORY AND EVERYTHING AND I WILL READ IT BUT BEFORE I DO, THIS IS JUST WHAT I AM PICTURING, AND IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME. LET ME LIVE

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Jace, the Perfected Mind... with a notable lack of ribcage...

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

if the planeswalkers found a planeswalker with therapist training

jace explains his life story over the course of 4 hours and they're immediately like sorry I don't think I can help you. I don't think there's a shrink qualified enough in this multiverse to deal with that hot mess

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

can you imagine being Azorius and trying to deal with jace as the living guildpact. half the time he's just gone and the other half he just says shit like "this is law now according to article whatever because I say so"

and for the 5 billionth time you have to try not to pop a blood vessel and explain to him, "No, Jace. We cannot write it down as just 'Article Whatever.' We need an actual number and regulations--"

*Jace walks out and when they follow him to the room he went into, he's just gone*