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I have value (you're worthless) I am loved and capable of loving others (you were meant to be used) I am good and comfortable in my body (you're bad, you're filth wrapped in skin) I am not my addictions (it's your cell) I am capable of recovery (you will never be okay)
Pride
Pride ... Some say it comes before a fall; all I know is that it doesn’t cushion the impact.
Everyone has pride, just to varying degrees.
Recently I’ve been really concerned about a friend; we shall name this person Cocky. Cocky’s been going through, well big changes in his life and as such Cocky’s world is being rocked and I am not quite sure if it’s in a good way or not. Yes yes I know that ultimately everything works out for the better and yadda yadda ding ding, hindsight is always vision 20-20. However since Cocky and I aren’t that close I haven’t been able to convey my concern for his mental/emotional/spiritual/physical/every other “-al” well-being. I have been toying with the idea for a while though, and finally decided I was going to do it - be the friend I know I can be. I had a specific date locked in, next week.
As the cosmic forces love messing with me, something happened over the past weekend that resulted with me saying “Cocky’s an asshole and he can fall off a cliff for all I care”. And with that, I decided as concerned as I am about Cocky’s well-being, I wasn’t going to say anything since my pride was wounded!
* It should be noted that if Cocky did fall off a cliff – I didn’t push him! Also I would care; I’d be sad, for a while. A long while at least.
*Coincidentally Ah Liew sent me a link about assholes earlier in the day, it’s pretty funny, check it out.
What His Underwear Says About Him (what I think of it)
What His Underwear Says About Him
By TYLER GILLESPIE
Briefs
Unless they are whitey-tighties, briefs are usually considered the sexiest type of men’s underwear. Briefs hug the waist, accentuate the upper thigh, and increase the front-bulge. Popular brands include: Calvin Klein, 2(x)ist, and Diesel.
Verdict: Brief-wearers may take too much stock in their appearance and could be superficial. They might make for selfish lovers. Conversely, they probably have good hygiene and will compliment your outfit/ lingerie.
My thoughts: Well yes it has the possibility of looking really sexy, but this is only if one is well endowed and/or has junk in his trunk. On someone really scrawny looking, I'm sorry its just *shudder*. Please eat a burger. Bulk up a bit. Looking scrawny was never in. Just saying. However if you look like this. Please by all means, wear briefs.
Boxers
When I was in high school, boxers were the only thing that the guys in gym wore. Now that I look back, I think it had something to do with the fact that boxers are effectively just another pair of shorts and conceal any bulge (which was important in high school gym class). Boxers are the most uncomfortable things to wear because they bunch up and provide no support.
Verdict: A guy who wears boxers has no direction in life and is stuck in his high school ways. This probably means that he has a high sex-drive and will go on late-night Taco Bell runs for you.
My thoughts: How do guys wear boxers in jeans ? Isn't that like the most uncomfortable thing ? So much pulling and pushing and riding up, just sounds like a whole load of unnecessary hassle. It doesn't serve a practical reason, since it gives no support. So really why ? Boxers for romping around the house in, sounds perfectly acceptable, in jeans, quizzical. And how do people think its "cool" to have all this excess boxer material spilling out over the band of your jeans ?! It looks ridiculous. Also the when I imagine a really scruffy messy slobbery guy scratching his genitalia whilst clutching on to a bag of chips, he's usually in boxers. Not a good association.
Boxer Briefs
This is the liger of underwear, the hybrid combination. Boxer briefs provide good support, while allowing for just the right amount of fabric. Boxer briefs aren’t usually sexy – they cover the upper thigh, the waistband is usually more forgiving, and they don’t create the desired hammock effect that briefs do.
Verdict: While a no-name pair of boxer briefs may be a sign of confidence, they might also equal a lack of ambition or drive. This underwear may not be the most passionate-type of underwear, but the wearer is probably more prone to cuddling.
My thoughts: Boxer briefs make sense to me.It serves its purpose and does not invoke any bad image associations. Boxer briefs have a come a long way with lots of renowned brands making a larger line for boxer briefs while cutting back on their selection of boxers ( I wonder why people, even underwear makers are hinting for you to make the switch). I for one do not think Boxer briefs are unsexy. It has that nice clean look. For people who are still ardent boxers wearing fans, think of boxer briefs as the skinny jeans to boxers, also as something that would highly increase your probability of getting laid. How is this not sexy ?!?
Thong/ Jockstrap/ Bikini
Miscellaneous/ exotic underwear is unknown territory for me. I’ve seen it on store shelves and on the internet, but I don’t think I know anyone who wears any of them on a daily basis.
Verdict: The miscellaneous underwear guy might be a little more adventurous in bed or the most inexperienced – yes, this is contradictory, but there is really no way to tell unless you get in bed with them. This underwear is like a grab-bag – you never know what you will get.
My thoughts: Stripper ?!
*main article taken from Thought Catalog published on the 9th of August 2011.
Think first, maybe
Generally I am one of those people that speak first then think. It hasn't always worked out for me but it hasn't failed me either. That might be a bit hard to comprehend but I’m sure you’ll eventually get it.
Lately though I've been trying this new thing out. It works something like this; an idea /thought /question /decision pops into my mind, usually as a consequence of a prior event /conversation /emotion. However instead of acting on it /asking, I choose to wait. Usually a couple of days or I tell myself “see how you feel in a few days, and then do it”. Usually I don’t end up doing it /saying it /asking it /acting on it.
Its times like these *cue Foo Fighters* I’m glad about my “new way” of doing things. I would have opened my big mouth, gone with my emotions and agreed to something I at this very moment would deeply regret. I would be stuck in situations and hate myself for getting me in it to begin with.
Logically thinking about things, devoid of emotion has always been something I've aspired for. I think this “new way” of doing things, might actually help me get there.
Judgemental Peeps
As people we all are judgemental, just to varying degrees. Some people have a low tolerance to loud people, some have a low tolerance to meek people. Some people judge other on looks, such as “oh-she’s-wearing-really-bright-neon-colours-she-MUST-be-obnoxious” (I find that one hilarious). Some people judge others on things they do and say.
No one is safe from being judged, ever. People are always going to form opinions about you and you can’t control it. I generally believe everyone is entitled to their opinions, and our differing opinions are what set us apart from each other. No two people will ever feel exactly the same way about every single issue – it’s just not plausible.
Back to judging people, as I said everyone does it. I will gladly admit to doing it, mostly all the time. However I (like most of society) choose to keep these judgements in my head. No, the lady who has clearly not looked in the mirror before leaving her house doesn’t need a perfect stranger to tell her she looks like a colour blind pet monkey picked out her outfit. For all I know she probably intended to look as such to escape a murder charge on grounds of insanity. Who knows!
I am not saying we should not judge people, I am just saying let’s keep most of our judgements to ourselves. Especially if they are going to cause someone unnecessary hurt.
On another note, I met someone the other day whose Facebook profile picture was clearly Photoshop-ed. There is no way at any point in time she looked like that. And yes I kept that thought to myself, well kinda. I shared it with Dini, not like he’s gonna tell anyone!
No no
Just cause you can, doesn't mean you have to.
Half A Century Old.
I was initially going to write this out and then burn it, but my writing is still god awful and well I’d be more inclined to not do this. So AA suggested I write type this out and post it, but quickly shouted “heaven has no internet la” – which led to us having a 5 minute conversation about whether or not heaven has internet (yes these are the conversations I have with people).
So it has been 12 years. The Chinese Lunar calendar has done a full cycle and it is the year of the dragon again and thus I am 24.
A lot has happened in the last 12 years. The US sparked off a glabal financial crisis. China is now a leading economy. Malaysia’s changed PM’s a couple of times. There was a terrorist attack on the WTC in New York and the Pentagon – that in turn sparked of a “war on terrorism”. The EU was formed and we now have the EURO. Sizes of mobile shrank and then grew bigger. People now use these things called tablets – which in essence are mini computers. Facebook is a worldwide phenomenon you would hate. Everyone downloads music and movies. We’ve moved past VCD’s to DVD’s and now there’s Blu-ray. As you can tell, the world is rapidly changing.
I’ve done a bit too. Grew my hair out, cut my hair, grew it out again, permed it, dyed it various colours (I once did this thing where I had a blonde streak and Uncle Selvam said I looked like a skunk?!). I lost weight, gained weight and am now hopefully losing weight again. I changed schools, climbed Kinabalu, graduated high school. Had a couple of boyfriends. Had a few falling outs with close friends. Had my heart broken, probably broken a few hearts (I hope not!). Made it to Uni in Australia. Learned to drive, haven’t met with an accident –YET. Learned to wear skirts and jeans, fell in love with shorts and dresses. Had an acne problem, solved my acne problem. Learnt to walk in high heels, speaking of which the amount of shoes I own would disgust you. Learnt to love food and to cook; learnt to bake.
Aunty Shorts got married and has two kids; a girl and a boy. Uncle Suresh has two kids; two boys. Khallisa’s in Uni in some god-forsaken place up north near Langkawi; she’s also god awfully tall, you guys can compete. Uncle Kani got married. Er I think I’ve covered all the bases family wise.
I do still think of you from time to time and it makes me miss you. Sometimes there are things I want to tell you, which I know you’d only turn your nose and roll your eyes at me for, but I want to tell you anyways. I want to share a beer with you (yes, I’ve learnt to drink – and I can hold my liquor too) Speaking of which I would really love to know who has a higher tolerance, me or you?
I wonder what you’d think of certain things. Would you like my friends? What you’d think of the people I choose to date? What you’d say about my sense of style? What you’d say about the choices I’ve made? Would you be proud of me? I want to just hang out with you and talk to you.
I miss our dinners, every time someone has a huge burger and it topples over I always think of you fighting with your burgers. When I eat oranges and am tempted to spit the seeds out, I think of the time we sat on the swing and competed to see who could spit the seeds over the fence into the drain. I miss your mac and pork, mine just never seems as nice. I miss being silly with you. I miss our road trip holidays and doing weird things like riding ostrich’s. I miss you tucking me into bed at night. I miss you forcing me to gulp down glasses of water, speaking of which I am still incapable of gulping down water as you want me too.
Happy 50th ma. I love you. I really miss you.
And it goes crack
Jumping Jacks on a railway track it’s been an atrociously long time.
So today was a fairly mundane day with the exception of a couple of phone calls that were mildly hilarious.
One of them involved someone calling regarding mixed signals and a semi broken heart? At least from the cryptic conversation bits that I managed to piece together, that’s the impression I got.
To simplify this we shall name this person P. So as P tried to not tell me that he was suffering from a mildly broken heart, he was asking me what he should do about it. I started laughing and leaned over to E and said “so what should he do?” She replied “eat ice cream, eat chocolates?!” All very valid suggestions but this got me thinking, what does one do with a broken cracked heart? What do I do?!
I tried telling P that I was the wrong person to be asking for a solution, as this was a problem I was definitely not equipped to advice on. I don’t do the dealing with emotions things broken cracked hearts. I simply ignore them and pretend the crack isn’t there. Now this probably isn’t the wisest thing to do and you’d probably find a billion books out there telling you so. The book on / by me however says it’s perfectly fine!
However I think it’s time for a change. I think it’s time for me to “man / sack up” and start dealing. Time for me to accept that these things happen, and that it hurts. Maybe I’ll have a bonfire and burn everything, maybe I’ll pack everything into a box, maybe I’ll just listen a little closer to the sound of the next crack, maybe I’ll do all this – tomorrow.
