what was going through harry's mind after he sectumsempra'd draco? did that alter the way he viewed him?
Ah shit ummm… So I think that it changed Harry’s view of himself rather than changing his view of Malfoy. What Harry did doesn’t change who Draco is. It only broadens Harry’s idea of who he has the capability of becoming. It doesn’t bring him to question if he was right or wrong about Draco. It doesn’t even bring him to reconsider how easy he trusted the halfblood prince or contemplate his ease of trust in general, which should have been the second priority for consideration, but it does give Harry a very real and raw fear of himself. Harry doesn’t sit down to consider whether he would have done this spell if he’d known what it was to begin with. He doesn’t consider the kind of damage it may do when he first reads it in the book. He only knows its purpose. He never considers the intent of the person who wrote it because this person helped him so much, so he cannot believe for one second that this person is bad. Now this obviously comes full circle when Snape dies because he conveys this ideology again, but that’s a whole separate post so.
Harry’s go-to spell is a disarming spell. We see it throughout the series. We see it in every duel against Voldemort. We see it in his final victory against him. That’s his go-to spell. That is who Harry is. It is who he is before the incident with Draco, and it is who he is after. And it isn’t like he never uses a horrible curse again. He literally uses two of three Unforgivables after that, but seeing Draco half dead on the bathroom floor really opened his eyes to the fact that they are in this. This fight, this war, it’s theirs. Dark magic is not some foreign thing, and he certainly isn’t incapable of using it. It can touch him , and he can touch it. He always thought himself distinctly disconnected from it because he’s THE GOOD GUY, as if it were a completely different world separate from his own. It isn’t. Sirius’s words didn’t resonate the way they should have by then. He didn’t grasp the entirety of it. But he sees now. He is very much able and capable of using dark magic, and he is just as able and capable of using it with ill intent. That is the lesson he learns. That is the revelation of self he is gifted with on this occasion.
I will say that this scene felt a lot more dramatic to me in the movie than it did in the book, and while both forms were as humorous as they were dark, the scene was obviously put together in a way that would amplify how serious it was. The music, Snape’s entrance, the following scene with everyone crowded around Harry. And obviously it’s easier to do that with film, but the book sort of alleviated a bit of the darkness with the “Roonil Wazlib” quip immediately after, so we really don’t have to sit with how grim the reality is ( or at least I didn’t because ADD ). But the point is that, this is reflected in how Harry APPEARS to view it. He takes his detention and focuses his anger and frustration on the quidditch match he misses, but in reality, a lot of that anger is directed at himself. Not just for the match but for how easy it was for him to properly and successfully use that curse. It worked. And it worked very well, and that says something to him about his intent, about his ability.
Bellatrix may have been talking about one specific curse, but for Harry, that carries over to all dark magic, and it echoes in his head. And all of this is amplified by Snape’s detention and how he tries once again to thoroughly tear down this vision of James and Sirius that Harry has in his head. It is more effective this time because Harry has proven the theory. Good people can do bad things , and that is the only immediate conclusion he has. And it scares him.
Even if he didn’t know what the spell was, he wanted to hurt Draco. He wanted to hurt him bad. It wasn’t just a duel. It wasn’t just a fight. It was the most intimate climax of this schoolyard beef, a transformation from childhood rivalry to opposite sides of an actual war, and Harry took it all the way there. And it affected him, deeply. Because this isn’t his school bully anymore. “ For enemies. ” I do not at all think that wording is without a subliminal message. This is his enemy. This is a death eater. Because Harry’s view of Draco was solidified at Borgin and Burke just before the year started. This event only changed his idea of himself because he sees just how alike he may be to his enemy. And he hates it.
