DIABOLIK LOVERS Rejet Fes 2026 Live Drama Translation ☽ Day 1, The Vampires’ 15th Anniversary: Are They Behind the Times?
Original title: DIABOLIK LOVERS 朗読劇 「15年目のヴァンパイア達、時代に乗り遅れている説」 【Rejet Fes.2026 Day.1】
Voiced by Kaji Yūki (Kanato), Toriumi Kōsuke (Shuu), Kimura Ryōhei (Kou), Suzuki Tatsuhisa (Yuma), Maeno Tomoaki (Kino)
English translation by @otomehonyaku
Click here for the audio!
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
SUMMARY | Rumour has it our favourite vampires are becoming irrelevant! Kou, Kino, Kanato, Shuu and Yuma hold an emergency meeting to discuss how to become popular again. Fortunately, Kou knows exactly how to appeal to new fans…
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
00:14
Kou (narrating): The year is 2026, late January.
An unspecified place in the city centre.
There, a group of troubled vampires are trying to organise a strategic meeting.
Kino: Hold up. What did you say?
Who’re you to tell me I’m troubled?
I don’t even have anything to worry about.
Besides, I am special. Don’t group me together with those dimwits.
Kanato: I have troubles.
My housemates are all eyesores.
Which is exactly why we are holding this meeting—I need them out of the house.
Let’s start with that decorative ornament sleeping over there.
01:07
Shuu: “Decorative ornament?” You don’t mean me, do you?
Yuma: Ha! Who else could it be?
Ya barely even move around. How’s that any different from a piece of decor?
Shuu: Huh. It’s you.
So inconspicuous I barely noticed you.
You have no right to speak. Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.
Yuma: If anyone’s inconspicuous, it’s you.
And this is s’posed to be the Sakamaki family’s eldest? I almost feel sorry for your lil’ brothers.
Shuu: Aren’t you a little hotheaded?
If you’re looking for a fight, have a go at one of those guys.
I have no time for such trivialities.
Yuma: Ah, you’re gettin’ on my nerves. Square the fuck up!
Shuu: Listen to me. Stop picking a fight with me.
01:54
Kino: What a lively bunch! I can’t tell if they like or hate each other.
Shuu, Yuma (simultaneously): We hate each other!
Kino: Man, down to the freaking breath! They must be great friends.
Yuma: The fuck makes ya think that? Don’t put me in a box with that guy.
Shuu: That’s my line.
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s being likened to a vampire who harvests vegetables all day like a fucking human.
Kou: Stop, stop! Just stop fighting.
I gathered you here to discuss something important!
Kino, stop egging them on.
Kino: I didn’t even do anything. I only said they seemed like they were getting along.
Kou: And that’s egging them on! Let’s get down to business already.
Kanato: So, we are gathered here today to discuss how I can evict five people from my house, correct?
If so, I have a good suggestion.
Kou: No, no! We have nothing to do with the discord in your family. Take that somewhere else!
Kanato: Ah…
I swear, each and every one of you is useless. Right, Teddy?
Kou: Wow, that’s some pent up frustration right there.
It’s your family though. You do something about it.
03:05
Kanato: You called us over here and that’s how you talk to me?!
If you value your life, then don’t talk back to me!
Kou: Y-you’re one to talk!
Geez, this is annoying. Please just get serious for a moment and think about why you were called here today!
Kino: Oh, I got it! Is it about how bad the Internet connection is at y’all’s houses?
No matter which house I visit, there’s no WiFi, the mobile connection is slow…
It really put me in a pinch.
Shouldn’t you move to the city already?
Kou: Are you still bringing that up?
Shut up, Speed Limit Prince.
Who gives a shit about—wait, you were actually kinda close.
Yuma: What? Really?
Kino: I knew it! It’s me, after all.
Having no WiFi or a good Internet connection in the digital age is a matter of life or death. It’s really alarming.
04:00
Yuma: Hey. That’s not really what we’re here for, is it?
If it is, I’m outta here.
Kou: Isn’t it obvious? That’s clearly Kino’s personal problem.
I’m not saying he was right.
[Shuu starts snoring.]
Kou: Huh?
Hey, come on! Don’t sleep here, wake up!
Shuu: Ugh. So noisy. Tone it down.
Kanato: Enough of this nonsense. Get to the point already.
I want to go home as quickly as possible.
Shuu: Same here. Spit it out.
I’m in a bad enough mood already now that you’ve interrupted my sleep.
Kou: You’re not even listening to me! I’ve heard enough of your complaining!
Now, just listen!
There is a gigantic problem that has to do with all 13 of us. And that is…
We vampires have been at this for 15 years and rumour is we’re behind the times!
Everyone: What?!
05:00
Kou: I mean, this year is our fifteenth anniversary!
We have so many juniors now. Aren’t we domineering old geezers (1) at this point?
We have to keep doing new, more popular things or we’ll truly become obsolete!
Shuu: Ah, yes. I would rather die than care about that.
The two oldest geezers aren’t even here, so why bother?
Kino: Right! Where are those self-proclaimed founders?
Kou: I called them but they didn’t show up! Said something like, “our presence is only needed at dignified events,” or some bullshit.
Talk about domineering old geezers.
Kanato: This has nothing to do with me. Besides, 15 years are nothing to us vampires.
Kino: Well, let me teach you something, then.
Recently, another short-tempered, hysterical boy has apparently made his debut (2)!
Kanato: …Excuse me? What did you just say?
Yuma: Haha, you’re gettin’ replaced!
Shuu: Things are only going to get messy if there are too many similar characters.
Don’t the people at Rejet have poor taste in men, anyway? [lmao]
06:07
Kino: What are you even saying? It’s been that way for 15 years!
But still, shouldn’t we show the newbies how dignified we seniors are?
Kanato: Why didn’t you say that earlier?! Let’s think of a solution already.
15 years is a really long time for a human! We have to do something to keep up with the times!
Kou: What? That’s the exact opposite of what you were saying earlier!
Yuma: And suddenly you’re first in line, huh? Calm the fuck down.
Kanato: How am I supposed to calm down?!
I won’t lose. I will show everyone who’s the best!
Kou: This conversation is kinda heading in a strange direction, but… oh well.
At least Kanato’s on board now!
Well, then, I hereby open our Secret Strategic Meeting!
Kou (narrating): So… our strategic meeting about whether we can become modern vampires, even after 15 years, is still ahead of us!
However, we’ll continue this conversation later tonight.
[Brief intermission.]
07:30
Kou (narrating): It has been 15 years since the vampires first met you.
What threatens those vampires at the moment is the current of the times.
Trends are ever-changing, even after 15 years, and the vampires have to keep up!
Will they actually be able to become modern, trendy vampires?
Yuma: How’re we even supposed to keep up? I know nothin’ bout trends to begin with.
Kou: No, Yuma! You always have to know what’s trending!
Shuu: And you say you do?
Kou: Of course I do!
I’m an idol. I’m always thinking about what the fans want!
Kanato: I must show everyone that I am the best always.
Kino: See? Kanato is the only one of us who knows what’s up.
Kanato: You have no idea how important this is! There’s no way I’ll lose to any other men.
No way, no way, no way, no way, no way, no way!
Kino: You’re scaring me… He’s really upset about another hysterical brat joining the team, huh.
No worries. I don’t think anyone will ever top you in the tantrum department.
Shuu: What a bother. Just end this quickly. I don’t care how.
I’m sleepy…
Yuma: C’mon, let’s get to the point before he falls asleep.
What should we do?
Kou: We definitely need a new selling point! If anything, now is the age of princely types, right?
09:01
Kino: Yeah, idols and princes are probably the most trendy nowadays.
I, for one, am as real a prince as they come! Compared to you all, I’m trendy as hell.
Kou: Ah, right, right, very cool. Let’s ignore Kino for now and start with Yuma!
Yuma: What?! Why me?
Kou: It’s alright, it's alright!
Besides, Yuma… how do people describe you again?
Yuma: I’m an unstoppable evil savage.
Everythin’ about me is big: my voice, my body, my demeanor… Plus, I’ve got a rowdy personality.
Compared to those other three, I definitely lack some refinement.
I’m a feral child and a sadist who gets violent without warning.
Shuu: Oh, people call you feral, alright.
Your voice, body and demeanor are big? That’s pretty accurate.
Kanato: He’s definitely the type to confuse verbal abuse with a sound argument. He has not even an ounce of elegance.
10:01
Yuma: You asshole, stop makin’ fun of me!
Kanato: That’s exactly what I mean!
Our future is on the line here, so tone it down a notch, please.
Kino: Still, though, if he’s lacking refinement, he’s only got to become a little more refined and then he’ll be perfect, right?
That’s exactly what the princely type is all about.
Yuma: I wasn’t askin’ for y’all’s opinions.
It ain’t just me either. People’re talkin’ ‘bout the rest of y’all just as much, right?
Kanato: Once he gets going, he really doesn’t stop, does he? Quite befitting of a deeply suffering, hot-cold type yandere sadist (3).
Shuu: The lethargic type of aristocrat who loves music and the type of sadist who finds everything bothersome.
Kou: Intensely two-faced and of unparalleled beauty, the personality of a little devil who has everyone around him in the palm of his hand—I’m the idol-type sadist!
Kino: A broken vampire prince who thinks it’s a given for everyone to serve him—a natural selfish prince.
Wait… Everyone’s really getting an earful, huh?
Nobody’s gonna want to get to know us at this pace.
11:07
Kanato: Talk about media manipulation. What a bother.
Kou: Well, I have good news for you!
I prepared some lines for the five of us which will cover up how terrible we are.
If we just read these aloud, the girls will think we’re perfect young men and will undoubtedly flock over to us in no time!
Yuma: That’s just straight up lyin’, ain’t it?
Kou: You just don’t know how to act! All we’re doing is showcasing our appeal even more.
Alright, here’s the script. I think you all get it, so get serious and read it, okay?
Shuu: Ah, you’re too well-prepared. Let’s do this quickly so I can go home.
Kanato: I suppose he has his good moments. I will do it earnestly.
Kino: Sounds kinda fun. I’ll do it!
Yuma: Ah, fuck… I’ll only say it once.
Kou: Well, then, let’s start with Yuma! And… action!
[The scene changes. Now, the five boys are going to showcase their appeal to you!]
12:01
Yuma: You’re hurt, aren’t you?
Quick, wrap your hands around my neck. You weigh nothing, anyway.
Besides, I just can’t… leave you like this.
I want to protect you, and never let you go, and stuff.
All of those things, I only want with you.
I promise I’ll never let you go. So, take my hand.
Shuu: It’s time to wake up, princess.
Ah, you truly are useless without me.
If you so wish, I’ll assist you with anything and everything—changing clothes, eating…
But if you end up unable to live without me, well… don’t say I didn’t warn you.
13:06
Kino: Hey, your bag’s heavy, isn’t it? Give it to me.
I’ll escort you on our date today, so leave it all to me.
I made sure to pack this day full with plans that’ll make you happy.
Today, I’ll make you the happiest little princess in the world…
Kanato: Hey. Do you want to sleep together tonight?
I don’t want to let you go for even a second.
I get anxious when I’m without you, even for the shortest moment.
I love you so much I can’t breathe when you’re not next to me.
So, please only look at me for the rest of eternity.
Kou: Oh, don’t you make that face again!
Don’t worry. I have no interest in anyone other than you. I never even remember anyone else’s names!
There’s only one special girl in my life. I promise I’ll make you happy.
I’m all yours, after all.
[The boys have done their jobs! The scene changes.]
14:28
Kou: And… cut! You guys are so good at this!
Kino: That wasn’t bad at all, was it?
Yuma: I’m never sayin’ shit like that again!
Shuu: Same here. If I have to do any more, I’m really going home.
[Addressing the audience] Besides, you like us precisely because we aren’t just nice, right?
Kanato: Right. This stuff doesn’t suit me at all.
Kino: Well, it’s nice on occasion, but we are twisted, nasty creatures with a very… particular kind of love language.
No, it’s rather severe. But that’s just who we are.
Kou: Exactly! Besides, we already receive all the love we could ever want.
Maybe there was no need to worry about being trendy after all.
Yuma: Pretty much.
[Addressing the audience] Nobody's gonna take ya away from me, no matter what anyone says now.
Shuu: Of course. That’s the way it’s always been.
Our relationship won’t change no matter what happens. Isn’t that so?
15:44
Kino: Well, I’m not hearing an answer, but—
[The audience suddenly screams ‘yes!’]
Kino: That’s the spirit.
Well, then. For our fifteenth year and beyond…
All: Let’s continue to spend this neverending, bloody love story (4) together.
Shuu: Better brace yourself and come with me.
Kanato: Please brace yourself and come with me.
Kou: Brace yourself and come with me, okay?
Yuma: Brace yourself ‘n come with me.
Kino: Brace yourself and come with me.
—END—
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The word Kou actually uses is お局的存在 which translates to “a senior female worker who supervises junior employees in a domineering fashion.”
I think this is referring to one of the characters of Rejet’s new franchise OVERNIGHTZ?
The word that’s actually used here is ツンツンヤンドエス. ツンツン stands for tsundere, the ヤン stands for yandere and ドエス means ‘extremely sadistic.’ What a word tho oml, we love a man who can do it all
吸愛（きゅうあい）is a combination of the characters for ‘sucking’ and ‘love,’ hence ‘bloody love story’ hehe
