Like the title says, this was loosely inspired by “Stay Alive (Reprise)” from Hamilton. It hurts.
I am so sorry, Indy.
———————
Indy sprinted into the medbay, nearly colliding with the door. “Where’s Lyric?!” He cried, eyes darting around.
Ollie met him just inside the door. “Patch is with him. He’s not doing well, Indy.”
Indy’s heart nearly stopped. “Where?” He followed Ollie over to the corner, the sound of pained crying filling Indy’s ears.
Patch was leaning over a thrashing trooper who’s face Indy couldn’t see. “Shhh, Lyric…”
The shiny screamed, and Indy couldn’t bear to listen, so he stepped right up next to Patch. “Lyric-“ Indy started, his throat constricting and cutting off his voice. He could tell just by looking that Lyric wasn’t going to make it.
“Indy!” Lyric gasped, still thrashing in pain.
“Shhh, stop moving, vod’ika, stop…” Indy murmured, leaning over the kid and gently trying to hold him still. Maybe he had a chance if Indy could get him to lay still. Maybe…
“I did what you said— I did, Indy—“ Lyric gasped almost deliriously.
“I know, I know… Shh, save your strength, Lyr. I know you did a good job,” Indy soothed, stroking the shiny’s deathly pale cheeks.
“I kept my brothers safe— They’re safe, Indy—“
Indy put his forehead to Lyric’s forehead. “I know, Lyr, I know. I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of you.”
“I-I’m sorry—“
Indy kissed Lyric’s clammy forehead. “No no, don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. Breathe, Lyric, breathe.”
“I’m s-sorry— I didn’t mean to—“
“No, Lyric, no. Breathe with me, okay? Breathe in and out, vod’ika.” Lyric matched Indy’s first breath, but the second cut off sharply. “Again, Lyric.” The shiny tried to follow along, but his breaths were too short and shallow. “Come on, Lyr, keep breathing.” Indy watched Lyric’s eyes lose what little light was left as he exhaled for the last time. Indy felt his knees buckle and he leaned over Lyric’s body, brushing the little trooper’s hair out of his face as he carefully closed the empty amber eyes. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he gently stroked the cold face of a shiny no older than eight years old. He wasn’t even done growing, and now he’d never get to finish.
Indy let out a choked sob. “I’m sorry, Lyric… I’m so sorry.”
Patch got a redesign! He’s the only (mostly) sane person in the entire 342nd because the battalion is crazy. His scar is from a training accident on Kamino. He suffered mild brain damage (well, as mild as brain damage can be), which messed up his balance. He handles it fine now, but he still has moments where things feel tilted one way or another and he needs a moment to figure out how much he needs to compensate for the odd balance.
He’s very calm, and while he hasn’t had training for it, he’s like a therapist for a lot of his brothers. He’s sweet, but if you somehow manage to make him mad, you might not survive. Don’t underestimate his ability to sass you to death either, he can and will roast most of his brothers.
Order 66 won’t be happening in my fic (not gonna explain how it’s avoided right now, obviously), but since I hit 66 followers, I decided to finish up this older ficlet for you guys. If Order 66 did happen in my fic, it would still end a little better than canon, but oof, it’s still way more tragic than the actual ending of my fic. Nebula and Patch need hugs after this, ouch.
You might be wondering “Hey, why didn’t Patch go all murder mode on Nebula when he was right there when the order was given?” I don’t really want to give it away here, but there is a reason. I kinda want to see if you guys can guess why Order 66 didn’t make Patch turn, but it made Jax, who is super close with Nebula, turn. I’ll give you all a hint: in my Patch fact dump, there’s a thing I mentioned involving nightmares. I want to hear your theories about Patch, guys!
—————
Patch was standing on the opposite side of the main console of the Loyalty when he saw General Nebula stagger, shaking his head as though he was trying to shake something off. “General?” Patch stepped around the console as the Jedi’s neck frill went white and his eyes widened, a distant, far away look on his face. “General?”
Behind him, Patch heard Jax answer a transmission. The Chancellor’s slimy voice spoke. “Commander Jax, the time has come. Execute Order 66.”
“Yes, my lord,” Jax replied in the most horrifying, emotionless voice Patch had ever heard.
Patch didn’t have time to question what that meant because he heard a blaster click and he knew without looking that he was in the line of fire. “General, run!” He shoved Nebula just as blaster fire erupted. Nebula ignited his lightsaber, but was obviously hesitant to use it for anything except deflecting blaster bolts.
Patch looked at Jax and saw nothing familiar in his brother’s face. All he saw was the desire to kill. “Jax! Jax, snap out of it! It’s me, Jax, come on!” Jax’s blaster aimed at Patch’s chest. Blazer had his blaster aimed at Patch too. Patch started backing away, feeling Nebula moving along with him. “Jax... It’s me. It’s Patch! Don’t do this. Whatever this Order 66 is, it’s wrong, Jax! Come on, brother, put the blaster down. Blazer, come on, bud. Put it down, redhead.”
“Move or be terminated with the traitor,” Jax ordered. No emotion. Flat. Expressionless. None of the emotion that was evident in every word that left Jax’s mouth.
“Traitor? Jax, General Nebula hasn’t done anything wrong. Surely you know that.”
“Move or be terminated,” Jax insisted.
Patch could barely breathe. How was this happening? Why hadn’t he turned too if Jax and Blazer had turned? “Jax! Blazer, come on! I can help you! We can figure out what’s going on, and it’ll be fine. Come on, please, don’t do this.”
“If you defend him, you are as bad as he is.” With that, Jax and Blazer opened fire. Patch expected to die. Only... he didn’t. Nebula had wrapped his tail around Patch’s wrist and dragged him out into the hall.
“Patch, MOVE!” Nebula shoved him forward.
Stumbling, tripping, Patch started running. “General, what’s happening?!”
“I don’t know, Patch, but whatever it is, it’s happening across the galaxy, so this isn’t isolated. We can’t stay here to figure it out, we need to get somewhere safe first.”
“Hangar?”
“Hangar,” Nebula agreed. “Put your blaster on stun mode, I don’t think we’re getting out of here without a fight.” Blaster fire rained down around them as they skidded around a corner, trying to outrun Jax and Blazer.
Patch had never fired a blaster at his brothers. That thought had only ever crossed his mind once, and that had been after Umbara when a platoon of 501st troopers had been tricked and ordered to attack a platoon of 212th troopers. The thought of shooting at his brothers now, despite using the stun setting instead of kill, made him sick to his stomach, but he obeyed his general’s order and set his pistol to stun mode.
“R5!” Nebula screeched before launching into an indecipherable string of Claesian screeches, hisses, and squeaks. The astromech understood and zipped across the hangar and into the closest ship. The blaster fire became almost overwhelming, but Patch kept running, following his General to the ship’s ramp.
Patch was almost up the ramp when pain ripped through his lower back, sending him crashing to the hangar floor. Nebula’s clawed feet appeared in his field of vision. “No. General, get out of here!” He’d been hit on the left side of his spine, so he likely had damage to multiple organs. “I won’t make it! G-go!” It didn’t matter if Nebula was determined to save him, he’d likely bleed out before they got somewhere safe enough for Nebula to tend to him.
“I am not leaving you here!” Nebula snarled before hauling Patch onto his back and bolting up the ramp. Patch fell to the floor and the pain made him sob. “Patch, hang in there until we jump to hyperspace, that’s an order,” Nebula said as his footsteps faded.
That might have been an order, but Patch wasn’t sure he could carry it out. He didn’t currently have the strength to move. Dying from a brother’s blaster... He sobbed, his body twitching with pain in response. This wasn’t how he thought he’d die. Out of all the possible deaths his mind had created over the course of the war, this had not been one of them. He didn’t want to die this way. He always thought he’d have Dek, Ollie, or Jax by his side, but now all his brothers were actively trying to kill him. One of them had pretty much succeeded already.
The ship suddenly jolted, making Patch cry out when the pain exploded up his back into his shoulders and down into his legs. After a few more agonizing moments, General Nebula spoke. “Okay, Patch, let’s see what we can do here.”
“I don’t want to die!” The wail had escaped him before he even realized what he was saying. But he found he meant every word of it. “I don’t want to die, General! Please, I don’t want to die!”
“And you won’t, Patch. I’m gonna get you fixed up, then we’ll go to my homeworld and the healers there will take care of you. Just keep breathing.” Nebula sounded like he was barely containing his worry. He moved Patch slightly, but somehow it didn’t hurt horribly. “I’m going to numb you from the shoulders down, so don’t panic on me,” Nebula murmured before Patch felt something prick him near his spine. The effect was almost immediate. His pain dulled to a faint ache, which made his entire body relax. “There ya go... I’m gonna start working on getting you fixed up, just keep breathing and try to stay awake if you can. I’ll try to keep talking to help you stay awake.”
Patch found it to be an odd, unpleasant sensation to have Nebula operating on his back and side while he was still conscious. Of course, he was numb, so he wasn’t really feeling any pain, but he could still feel whenever Nebula applied pressure or released it. There was a sudden increase of pressure on his side that made him grunt in surprise.
“Sorry, Patch, just hang in there a bit longer. You’re doing great,” Nebula murmured as the pressure on his side abated. “You still with me?” Patch grunted again, too tired and lightheaded to want to speak. “Still not feeling any pain, right?” Another grunt. “Can you flex your right hand for me?” Patch had no idea what his hand had to do with his injured back, but he obeyed, flexing his hand. “I said right hand, Patch. I’m glad your left one is working, but flex your right one please.” Confused, Patch flexed his other hand. “There, that’s the hand I wanted. Thank you.” General Nebula was so confusing and Patch just wanted to sleep. “I know you’re tired, Patch, I know. Try to stay with me for a few more minutes.” Patch wanted to listen to Nebula, but his eyelids were so heavy. So, so heavy.
———
Nebula had only gone into the cockpit to make sure they were still on course and to see how much longer they had before coming out of hyperspace. He was checking the fuel level when he heard the moaning start. Long, low, moans of agony. “Take over, R5.” Racing to the back of the ship, he saw Patch still huddled on the floor against the wall in the nest of blankets Nebula had settled him into after fixing his damaged insides and bandaging him up. Except Patch had looked semi-comfortable earlier. Now, he was grinding his teeth and moaning as he lay curled up in the fetal position, sweat drenching his body and the surrounding blankets. His breathing was labored, each breath a forced gasp that was too shallow.
“Patch, easy... You’re safe, Patch, it’s alright,” Nebula murmured, trying to soothe the injured medic. Patch only moaned louder, his hands moving to clutch at his side. Nebula pulled the blankets back and pried Patch’s hands away from his bandaged wound. “I know you hurt, but you can’t be pressing on yourself like that, Patch. You’ll reopen it and make it worse.” Patch started crying, but didn’t wake up. “Come on, Patch, wake up for me. Wake up.” Nebula wrapped his tail around Patch’s right wrist so he could let go with his right hand, then he placed his hand on the medic’s sweaty forehead, feeling the steadily rising fever burning under the man’s skin. “Come on, wake up, Patch.”
Finally, the medic’s eyes opened. Then he suddenly lurched toward Nebula, nearly faceplanting onto the floor past his blanket nest before he vomited. The second he was done heaving, Patch went limp, wheezing and coughing. “S-sorry...” he choked out faintly.
“No, it’s okay. It’s okay, you just don’t feel good right now. Let’s get you comfortable again, then I’ll give you some medicine to bring your fever down.” Nebula gently shifted Patch onto his back, the trooper crying out in pain from the movement. “Sorry, Patch.” After tucking the blankets back around the medic’s body, he took out a dose of fever reducers and injected it into Patch’s exposed bicep. “There, your fever should go down soon. Think you can manage a few sips of water?”
“Wa’er?” Patch mumbled, sounding interested despite the glazed, fevered look in his eyes.
Nebula nodded as he took his small canteen off his belt. “Yeah, you thirsty?” He flipped the attached straw up, then put the canteen to Patch’s almost white lips. “Small sips, alright?” Patch drank slowly, but willingly for a few seconds, then pushed the straw away with his tongue, so Nebula took the canteen back. “All done?” Patch managed a weak nod. Nebula put the canteen back on his belt and turned his attention back to Patch. “Try to get some more sleep, Patch. You need to save your strength. Want me to help you along? You’ve watched me do it with Jax a few times.” Patch seemed to ponder the offer, then he nodded slightly. Nebula placed his palm on Patch’s forehead. “Good, now sleep.” Patch was out like a light.
Patch had been restless the past two hours, but he stayed asleep until he woke up crying. He tried to roll over or sit up, but either he was too weak or in too much pain because he couldn’t even lift his head off the blankets serving as a pillow. “Dek? Ollie?” He called timidly, sounding like he was on the verge of panic. “Dek? Ollie?” He called again as Nebula hurried to his side.
“Hey, Patch, what’s the matter? Do you need something?”
“Dek! Ollie!” He cried, seemingly ignoring or not hearing Nebula. “D-don’t leave me alone! Please! Please come back!”
He’s either hallucinating or he just thinks he’s alone because his brothers aren’t here. Nebula’s heart broke for Patch. The clones never really liked being isolated from their brothers, and Patch was no exception. He stayed with at least one of his brothers at all times, so being injured by one of them and forcibly separated from all of them was undoubtedly traumatic. Nebula didn’t know what to do. He could try to use the Force to pull Patch out of the hallucination, but then what? Make him go back to sleep? Being in reality means I can at least comfort him though. He placed his palm on Patch’s decidedly much cooler forehead. “Patch, come back to me.”
“General?” Patch squeaked in confusion, sounding frightened. Nebula could sense how weak the poor medic was. They still had two more hours before they reached their destination. Nebula wasn’t sure Patch could last two more hours.
“Yeah, I’m here, Patch, I’m here. You need something?”
Patch reached a shaky hand toward him, so Nebula grasped it with both of his own hands. “Stay.”
Nebula realized what Patch meant. He’s scared he’s going to die alone. “Okay, I’ll stay here until we come out of hyperspace, then I need to go help R5 land the ship.” He carefully made a spot for himself in the nest of blankets and settled against Patch’s side, feeling the trooper’s labored breaths. “You’re safe, Patch. We’ve only got a couple more hours before we reach a proper hospital.”
“Your sister?” Patch sounded worried. “What about her?”
To be honest, Nebula hadn’t really let himself think about Kitsune yet. Now that Patch had asked, terror threatened to swallow him whole. The 212th was a lethal battalion. Obi-Wan and Kit might be a deadly duo, but if they had been taken off guard like Nebula had...
He wanted to go speeding across the galaxy to find them. He didn’t want to keep waiting uselessly when they could be dying at this very moment. He wanted to spin the ship around to search for Kit and Obi-Wan. Instead, he settled a wing across Patch gently, adding to the layers keeping the medic warm. “I’ll go look for her once you’re safe. If I take off to find her now, I-“ He had to pause to swallow the lump in his throat. “I not only might lose her anyway, but I risk losing you when you’re right here and I know I can help you.”
“You’re risking— never seeing Kitsune again— f-for me?” Patch questioned between breaths. “I’m just— a clone. A d-dying clone, at that. You should find her b-before— it’s too l-late.”
Nebula wanted to see Kit again. He wanted to know she was okay, and to see her smile, hear her laugh, feel her curled up under his wing. He didn’t want to lose the only piece of his first family, however broken it was. Kit was his sister. His best friend. She was so much like their mother who she barely remembered. She deserved to have a future, and now she might not get a chance at one. But... she might already be dead, and Patch was alive and with Nebula. He could help Patch, but unless he found out where Kit was, he couldn’t find her in time anyway. Even then, he still likely wouldn’t make it to her. “You’re not just a clone, Patch. You’re my brother, and you are not dying today. You are not going to die, you hear me?” Water dripped off Nebula’s snout and he realized he was crying. He swallowed a sob, burying his muzzle in the blankets to hide the fact that he was upset. Patch didn’t need to know Nebula was upset. Patch needed him to be calm.
———
Patch had no idea how long it had been since he was last coherent, but his insides ached something awful. It was a minor pain compared to how badly he hurt before, but it was still incredibly uncomfortable. “Owww...” he muttered as he tried to shift how he was laying, only to make his body ache more.
“Hey, there you are, sleepyhead. Those drugs knocked you out good, huh?” Nebula’s voice greeted softly. “Don’t try to move, you’re in no condition to go anywhere right now anyway.”
“How long was I out?” Patch asked, opening his eyes to look at his General.
“Umm... well, you stopped being lucid about a day ago, but you were sedated probably nineteen hours ago. It’s been an... interesting nineteen hours, to put it mildly.” Patch’s vision cleared, and he saw how stressed, tired, and sad Nebula was.
“What happened? What about Kitsune? A-and the rest of our battalion?” Patch was afraid to know what happened.
Nebula sat heavily, his frill turning a dark blue with red around the edges, telling Patch that his Jedi was sad, but also pissed, which was never a good sign because it took a lot to make him angry. “Kit and Obi-Wan are alright, they escaped the 212th and are headed here to figure out what to do now. As for the rest of the 342nd... I can only assume they’re still searching for us. Jax isn’t stupid, so I have no doubt they’ll find us here. We have the entire Claesian military on high alert with orders to stun and disarm only should the rest of the battalion find us.” He paused to take a deep breath. “The Jedi are gone. I only know Kit and Obi-Wan survived, I know of no other survivors. There’s no way this was a willing betrayal, you know that probably better than I do.”
“Well, what do we do, General? I don’t want to lose my brothers because they’re being forced to do something they don’t want to do.” Patch pushed himself onto his elbows, ignoring his aching midsection and back.
“I know, Patch, but you need to rest. We’ll get the others back, I promise. We need to get you healed first, then we can help the others. While you’re healing, we’ll think of a plan and try to figure out what’s wrong, okay?” Nebula guided Patch back down, then placed his right hand over Patch’s left hand. “We’ll help our battalion first, then we’ll work on the others. We’ll figure this out together, I promise.”
-He was originally a normal cadet until he was shot just above his right eye in a training accident. He was only the physical equivalent of 9 or 10 at the time, and the blaster bolt missed hitting him directly in the eye by mere inches. This accidental injury nearly killed him, wrecked his balance, blinded his right eye, and made him very shaky. He pretty much had to relearn how to walk.
-As he healed, the shakiness and balance issues became less of a problem so he could get around on his own, but he still couldn’t aim a blaster well enough to pass any of the shooting drills. Shaak Ti suggested he train to be a medic instead, so he got placed with a squad consisting of Volt, Nexus, Dek, Ollie, Winder, Red, and Helix. His squad became super protective of him and never let him be alone since the Kaminoans would have liked nothing more than to get rid of him.
-He had days where his balance was too bad for him to go to training, so one of his squadmates would stay with him to keep him company and deter the Kaminoans from doing anything to him.
-He struggles with his balance still, but it’s not constant. He has episodes of bad balance where it feels like the world is tilting one direction, but he knows how to function during these “balance blips,” so they don’t hinder him too badly anymore. The balance blips last about 5-10 minutes, and usually only happen when he’s exhausted, really hungry, dehydrated, or after a jump scare.
-He never got a cybernetic eye because the surgery would have been too risky for his condition after his injury, and he simply learned to only have one good eye. He’s thought about getting a cybernetic eye now that he’s not at as much of a risk for complications, but he doesn’t want to be down and out for the amount of time it would take him to recover. He’s got work to do.
-The entire 342nd loves their head medic, and they all take really good care of him.
-Patch and Volt have holovideo calls a lot because they were super close before they were assigned to their respective battalions. They usually rant about their Jedi and Commanders being dumb, as well as swap stories about their Scalesian Jedi since Kitsune and Nebula are siblings and act nothing alike.
-Patch tends to be kinda anxious, but he can also be sassy as all get out when he’s talking to people he’s comfortable with.
-His hands shake when he’s stressed, but he has medication to help with that so he can still do his job.
-He loves spicy food.
-He might not be great with a blaster, but he’s the fastest of the 342nd’s three medics at stitching wounds shut.
-He’s surprisingly good at acting, and can fool most people who aren’t Jedi.
-Patch and Jax are really close, partly because Jax spends so much time in the medbay, but also because Jax was the first non-medic Patch met who didn’t see his blind eye and weird balance as a liability or a problem. Jax and Patch regularly comfort each other after hard battles or when they’re having nightmares.
-Patch doesn’t have the nightmare about killing Jedi, but he never says anything about it because he doesn’t want to make his brothers feel bad that they have that nightmare when they already worry about it enough. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t have that nightmare, but he suspects it has something to do with his head injury.
-He’s glad he’s in a battalion that travels a lot because that means he’s almost never near Kamino and would rather not go anywhere near there again, thank you very much.
Heartbreaking facts about that Order 66 thing I posted a few days ago
Because who needs their hearts, right?? (Talking about this post in case you haven’t seen it)
-Jax was the one who shot Patch.
-Nebula manages to rescue pretty much all of the 342nd by having their inhibitor chips removed on his homeworld since the healers are super skilled.
-Jax takes a long time to act like himself around Nebula and Patch because he feels guilty. He’s very reserved and quiet, not the usual goofy dork he truly is.
-Jax remembers everything he did when his inhibitor chip took over, and he has awful nightmares about it.
-Dek and Ollie become nervous around Patch because they’re afraid he’s mad at them.
-Nebula and Patch want things to go back to normal, but they both have nightmares about being chased by the rest of the 342nd, and Nebula has nightmares about Patch dying from his wound.
Hhhh I wanted to write more honestly, but it’s late and my brain is fried, so this is the most I could coherently write, lol.
But it’s a bit of exploration of what Patch’s head injury he got as a cadet did/still does to him. (There is an explanation for why he’s got weird/abnormal side effects from it, so I’m not being medically inaccurate just to be inaccurate, there is a reason, but I don’t wanna explain that yet, lol)
—————
Nebula had no idea where Patch had gone, but he needed to find the medic. It wasn’t horribly urgent, but it also wasn’t normal for Patch to be hard to find. He rounded the corner and nearly crashed into Ollie, who was carrying a full bottle of water. Ollie stopped so quickly that some water splashed Nebula on the end of his snout.
“Ollie, what-“ Nebula realized Dek was nowhere to be seen, and it was rare for one to be without the other. “Where are you going in such a hurry? Where’s Dek?”
“Sorry, General,” Ollie apologized. “Actually, the answer to both questions is pretty much the same. Dek is helping Patch, so I went to get Patch something to drink.”
“Wait, is something wrong with Patch?” Nebula asked.
Ollie broke eye contact and bit his lip anxiously. “Uh... no, but also yes. It’s... hard to explain without Patch.”
Nebula didn’t like that answer at all. “Where is Patch?”
“I want it to stop, Dek,” Patch was whimpering as Nebula followed Ollie into the medics’ quarters. ”It’s not stopping. I feel so useless!”
“Hey, it’s alright, it’ll stop soon. Besides, it’s not usually this bad, vod, you’re just having a rough episode. Just sit tight, you don’t have anything you need to do anyway,” Dek soothed gently.
Nebula looked to see Patch curled up against Dek, who was sitting on one of the bunks. Patch looked perfectly fine until Nebula’s gaze drifted to the medic’s hands. They were in his lap, shaking and twitching so badly that it looked almost like someone was just sending a constant cycle of electricity through both hands. Patch locked eyes with Nebula, and he looked positively horrified, tensing up against Dek, who wrapped his arms around him.
“Hey, Patch, General Nebula got worried, so I figured I’d let him see what’s going on to help him not worry,” Ollie explained. “I got your water for you.” He held the bottle to Patch’s lips and let him drink about half of the bottle.
Nebula had no idea how he was supposed to not worry when Patch’s hands were twitching like they had minds of their own. “Patch, what’s going on? Are you sick?”
Patch shook his head. “No, this happens sometimes. Like when I’m too tired or I don’t eat enough or I get dehydrated. I got dehydrated and didn’t realize it, so I just kind of have to wait this out.”
“How is that normal?” Nebula asked, still concerned.
“My head injury caused it. I don’t know why because this isn’t a normal side effect of head injuries like mine, but I’m alright, really,” Patch replied.
“Why didn’t you tell me about it, Patch?” Nebula asked, worried.
Patch leaned into Dek and took a shaky deep breath. “I just- I didn’t want you to think I can’t do my job...”
“Patch, a good friend of mine is blind, and you know what her job is?” Patch looked interested so Nebula continued. “She’s my aunt’s personal bodyguard. She’s blind and beats all the other guards in training drills. I don’t think occasional shaky hands are much of an issue at all since it’s obvious you’re still fully capable of your job.”
“Really?” Patch asked, sitting up a bit.
Nebula smiled. “Really. And if there’s anything I can do to help, don’t be afraid to ask.” Patch smiled and relaxed in relief. ”I have some paperwork to do, so I’ll stop bothering you three now,” Nebula said as he turned to the door. “I’ll be in my quarters if you need anything.”
