in addition to my last post, feel free to grab me on kik at holmes.couture (don’t forget the dot in the middle) to rp also. like i said, i rp as sherlock, usually modern ACD or my own adaptation (info here), but i’m totally open to working with your bbc muses. main ships are holmescest & seblock (moran/holmes) but i’m flexible
Hey guys! I write Sherlock and I’m looking for someone who’s into writing Mycroft for some Holmescest rps since omegle is down. You can email me at [email protected] if you’re interested, and we can talk plot! Up for anything from plotless smut to long-term au stories.
Awww, stranger had to go, but no matter! This was a very angsty and so good rp. It’s not long at all and should we continue, I’ll likely update it!
Stranger: [tw: torture. Established relationship] Mycroft climbed wearily out of the taxi, letting himself silently into his apartment. Looking around in the darkness, he spotted a half-full cup of his favourite tea on the coffee table. Sherlock was here, then. In spite of everything, Mycroft smiled. He had been hoping to see his brother. It had been very nearly twelve months since he had left England on a simple diplomatic visit, but things had got out of hand and what should have lasted a few weeks had kept him away for a year, confined and unable to contact home. Toeing off his shoes, he draped his jacket over the back of the sofa and padded into his bedroom, breath catching at the vision of Sherlock asleep in his sheets, body curled almost pitifully around Mycroft’s pillow. Crossing the room quickly, Mycroft gently extracted the pillow and took its place, wrapping his aching arms around his little brother.
You: Sleep had always been a hard time coming from the moment Mycroft had disappeared. Anthea would tell him nothing, nor would anyone he threatened. He'd done favours for Irene Adler, nipping at her heels in order to get information that merely sent him on goose chases. It had been a miserable year and it was obvious that it had worn down the detective. He'd very nearly given up, ready to admit to their parents that Mycroft wasn't on an extended trip, that he was too busy to visit them. The lie was getting harder and Sherlock could no longer hope in it himself. He found himself staying at his brother's far more often, using it as a crutch and comfort. The bed had stopped smelling of the man and was beginning to smell like him now, and even his brother's pillow lost its scent. It didn't stop him from using it, from curling around it as if he could protect the man himself. Sleep had struggled to come to him and was easily broken. So once Mycroft wrapped around him, taking his rightful place, Sherlock opened his eyes and clung to the older Holmes with a broken rasp of his brother's name on his tongue. "Mycroft."
Stranger: Mycroft held his brother tightly, needing very much to feel him in his arms. "Sherlock," he murmured brokenly, hearing all the pain in his little brother's tone. He had spent weeks crossing Europe, mostly on foot because all his resources had been lost when he was kidnapped and taken for questioning. He was exhausted, and felt close to death, but the thought of leaving Sherlock alone without so much as a proper goodbye had been too much, and forced him to keep going through it all. And now he had him, back in his embrace where he belonged. After thinking he was going to die before he got this experience again, it was quite overwhelming, and Mycroft felt hot tears building in his eyes and spilling silently onto his cheeks. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, though he had done everything he could to escape and get home. "I love you." He had wanted to say it every day since his capture, but the words refused to pass his lips unless they were going to fall on the ears of the one person he meant them for.
You: The murmur proved that this simply wasn't a dream. In all the times he had thought about it, he had never expected Mycroft to ever come home to him like this. To say his name in such a way, or to apologize for being gone. He had imagined Mycroft as either dead, or merely displeased for having found his brother using his things in a near constant manner. Nonetheless, with the man there, truly there, Sherlock reacted much the same. Tears collected at the brim of his lashes before giving piteous drops down his cheeks. His nail gripped the shirt Mycroft wore tightly and his breaths became hot ragged gasps as he replied. "You were gone for so long, I didn't think you would come back... I didn't-/Mycroft/." He wheezed, the sound gross in how emotional it came out. He burrowed in tightly, attempting to bury himself into the man. "You're home, you're finally home... I couldn't find you. I failed."
Stranger: Keeping one arm firmly around Sherlock, he raised the other to tenderly catch his brother's tears as they fell, the now-rough pad of Mycroft's thumb stroking his wet cheeks. "Shh," he murmured softly, "it's okay, little one, I'm here now. I've got you." He comforted his brother as well as he could through his own gasping sobs, kissing his forehead almost desperately in a bid to soothe both their nerves. All the feelings of hopelessness and despair, of need and want and consuming love that he had pushed aside to focus on staying alive all flooded back, bombarding his mind until all he could do was cling to Sherlock in returned, peppering kisses over his face, their tears mingling when their skin touched. "You didn't fail," he whispered, looking deep into his little brother's watery eyes. "I promise, you didn't. I just needed you to be here to come home to," he added, voice catching in his throat as he remembered the nightmares he'd had about coming back to find Sherlock had lost hope and given up. He knew the same situation in reverse would have broken him.
You: There was a choked hiccup, as if Sherlock had reverted back to being a child and had lost Redbeard. As if his best friend were gone and dead once and he was still trailing right after Mycroft's heels. His sobs were uncontrollable, broken, and wailing in strength and sound. As if he'd shattered inexplicably. He struggled to breathe properly, but the man's soothing touches were beginning to help calm down the tittering until he was left nothing but shaky exhales and the occasional big gulp. "I was so scared you wouldn't ever come back. I was so scared, Mycroft." He spoke, selfish all on his own with the attention. As if he couldn't bring himself to think of what his brother had gone through, or how his brother might currently feel. He let his hands released his brother, feeling him and patting down every inch he could to feel the man. He knew exactly how much weight he'd lost and was already garnering a feeling of what might have happened. He waited until Mycroft stopped peppering kisses over his face before relinquishing hold of the attention to pass it onto the other man. "How much pain are you in?
Ugh. I love this way too much. Guilty fragile Sherlock is my favorite. Thank you very much stranger!
You: Please come home. SH
Stranger: No. -MH
You: I didn't mean it. SH
Not entirely. SH
Stranger: It's not important to me if you meant it or not-MH
You: Then come home. SH
Stranger: ...but it doesn't make it less difficult to be with you right now-MH
You: I'm sorry. SH
Stranger: No you're not. And you don't even understand what you did.-MH
You: Then tell me. SH
Stranger: It's your fault so you've got to figure out what you did wrong -MH
You: Can we simply forget it happened and move on? SH
Stranger: I don't think so Sherlock. -MH
You: Mycroft, please. SH
I despise it when you're disappointed in me. SH
Stranger: I know you do. -MH
You: It was just once. SH
Stranger: Just once i enough, Sherlock -MH
You: Please. SH
Stranger: You've been with someone else -MH
You: It was only once. I won't do it again. SH
Stranger: Sherlock, it dowsn't matter hoq often. -MH
You: It didn't mean anything, Mycroft, please. SH
Stranger: you should have thought about that before you slept with him-MH
You: It was for the case. SH
Stranger: That doesn't make it less worse-MH
You: If the situation presented itself, you would not do the same? SH
Stranger: Of course not, Sherlock. -MH
You: [Delayed] I'm sorry, Mycroft. SH
Stranger: I know you are-MH
You: Tell me how to fix this. SH
Stranger: You can't. -MH
You: Please. SH
Stranger: Leave me alone for a while-MH
You: [Delayed] Of course... SH
Stranger: (3 weeks later) How's your new case going?-MH
You: Fine. It's fine. SH
Stranger: Great. -MH
You: How is work? SH
Stranger: Same old-MH
You: [Delayed] I'm not entirely sure how to continue this conversation. SH
I assume you wanted to tell me something? SH
Stranger: I wanted to tell you that I'm going to canada for 3 month-MH
You: [Long Delay] I see. SH
Stranger: Gregory will come with me. -MH
You: Right. Of course. SH
Then I believe that's settled then, isn't it? SH
Stranger: It is. -MH
Stranger: It's better like this, Sherlock. -MH
You: Piss off. SH
Stranger: I will. -MH
You: I'm more than sure you will. SH
If this was the outcome, you could have simply told me. SH
Stranger: I just did, brother dearest-MH
Stranger: I love you. And I always will. -MH
You: Earlier. Waiting three months for a response, giving you the space that you desired. SH
Only to tell me this. Entirely delightful, Mycroft. SH
Don't force yourself to say something no longer true. I'm aware of how much I've ruined this. SH
Stranger: Three weeks, Sherlock. And the outcome wasn't what I intended on doing in the first place -MH
Stranger: Talk to John, he'll be more than happy to be there for you and in your bed again-MH
Stranger: Also I am not lying and you know that-MH
You: Yes, well, three weeks feels for much longer when you've been a near daily conversation. SH
It wasn't John I slept with, but you're right. He'd simply love to sleep with me. SH
Now I've the freedom to whore myself out. You'll be gone for three months, I might as well enjoy myself sexually. SH
Have a delightful trip. SH
Stranger: Sherlock, you're being childish-MH
You: Yes. I am. SH
Because I expected an entirely different outcome. SH
I expected you to tell me you were still mad but that you weren't leaving. SH
That you wouldn't hold it over me, and I was wrong. Entirely wrong. SH
How exciting it must be for you to hear me say it again and again. SH
You: You've always been the smart one, Mycroft. SH
Stranger: I want to see you. -MH
You: No you don't. SH
You want to go to Canada for three months with Lestrade. SH
Stranger: I want to see you and hold you. -MH
You: No. SH
Stranger: (5 minutes later) You've changed the lock.-MH
You: As if you couldn't pick it. SH
I knew it was coming. Foolishly I decided to think it might be different. SH
Stranger: Because it's better for both of us, Sherlock-MH
You: Then why say you wish to see me? Or hold me? SH
You want to make it harder, don't you? You've already accomplished what you set out to do. SH
Simply leave me be. SH
Stranger: Because I do and I can't help it but I've always been there for you when you were feeling down. And now I want to make sure you're okay. -MH
You: Leave. SH
Stranger: I want to memorise your body -MH
Stranger: Also I'm desperate to hold you in my arms again-MH
Stranger: Let's make love for a last time, Sherlock-MH
You: No. SH
Stranger: I can tell that you want this as much as I do. -MH
Stranger: I'm in your living room now-MH
You: Of course I do but I'm not an idiot, Mycroft. SH
Stranger: No You're not. That's why you should agree with me. Otherwise you won't find a proper ending to 'us' -MH
Stranger: No You're not. That's why you should agree with me. Otherwise you won't find a proper ending to 'us' -MH
You: No. I won't, because if I do, it will replay every day. SH
You'll leave for Canada and I'll still be able to smell you on my sheets. SH
And I won't find the strength to change the locks. You'll be gone. SH
Perfectly fine and gone. SH
Stranger: I can hear you crying upstairs and I'll be with you in a moment -MH
You: Leave, Mycroft. Just leave. SH
Stranger: If you try so much than lock me out of your bedroom I will try everything to get in. And I I need to misuse my work for that then I will. -MH
Stranger: Of course the door wasn't locked. Another sign that had Mycroft knowing that Sherlock didn't really want him to stay out. He opened the door and went straight over to the bed where he sat down and ran his hand over Sherlocks back that was turned towards him "You look awful, brother." he muttered and bent down to place a kiss on his hair
You: It was his final decision to ignore Mycroft. He drew his long limbs up to his chest, curling into a ball as if to compose himself from sight. He'd already been given away, but it wasn't going to stop him from trying to cut the situation down. He wasn't going to respond. He wasn't going to let Mycroft get what he wanted only to be faced with losing him. He wasn't going to give in. So he pressed his chin into his chest and ducked his face from view without a word.
Stranger: Mycroft sighed because he knew this from way before, Sherlock has done this very often when they were little and he wouldn't want to talk to Mycroft. So talking wouldn't help at all. But what would help was... Mycroft climbed onto the bed and ran his hand over Sherlock's side, caressing the soft skin that was showing and brushed his nose over Sherlock's ear, closing his arms around his brother.
You: It was cheap, really. It was. It made him want to cry harder, his breathing pattern that was already jilted becoming more harsh and choked. He broke out into a pain sob, a hoarse cry, before quieting down to nothing but racked shoulders. His grip over himself was tighter, the pressure building in his chest throbbing and tightening the knots in his stomach. It was over. Truly over.
Stranger: Mycroft turned Sherlock over so he would face him when he heard the cry and he cupped his cheek "Stop that. You know what it does to your mind." he caressed it and added a bit softer "I would never forgive me if we separate like this" his hand ran over Sherlock's back, the way he had always enjoyed it when he was a kid. Mycroft had spent hours by his little brothers child, just caressing his back until he was asleep.
You: "It's fine. My mind is /fine/." Was the bitter retort, hands reaching up to shove the tender touches away. "/Leave/." He pressed more firmly, gripping Mycroft's wrists to keep his gentle fingertips away. His skin burned with longing, with wanting to feel more-such an idiot he was. Foolish to think it would be okay. "Go. Just leave me alone, please. /Please/." Sherlock gasped, throat closing up on him.
Stranger: Mycroft swallowed hard and he looked Sherlock in the eyes, red from crying and filled with so much pain "Oh Sherlock" he added in a hoarse voice he didn't recognize as his own. He bent down to kiss Sherlock's lips carefully Nd sighed, pulling him closer again, ignoring the struggle
You: Breaking bit by bit, Sherlock just cried harder, hands balling into fists to rest against his brother's chest. He shoved, knocking the fat of his palms and knuckles to push his brother away. It went on three times before he gave in and stayed where he was, just trembling. He didn't say anymore, knowing he wouldn't win.
Stranger: Mycroft held him until he could feel his brothers defense was broken and he just stayed like this for a bit longer, then he could find the courage to talk again "It's my fault. I should have been there for you. We should have had more... sex. You deserve someone better." he kissed Sherlock's trembling lips "You do, Sherlock. You've got a beautiful mind and soul and you are gorgeous."
You: "I don't want anyone else," he brokenly murmured. He pressed in, fingers gripping the auburn haired man's shirt tightly. "I just wanted you-it was a mistake. I was an idiot. I was so stupid... I'm sorry. I am. I won't ever do it again. Please don't. Just don't." He begged, unable to do much more. He knew it was over, but it was all he could do now. All he could even dare to say.
I adored this rp, so much so that I pushed off sleeping so I could continue. Utter agony, but I'll muscle on. You were a delight, stranger! Truly. <3
Stranger: Where are you? You've worried your doctor. MH
You: Leave me be. SH
Stranger: I will not tell him, but I need to know. MH
You: I'm fine. SH
Stranger: Do not lie to me. You aren't good at it. MH
You: Mycroft, enough. SH
Stranger: If you do not tell me where you are, I will track your phone and send a car to collect you. MH
You: [Delayed] I'm at the end of your street. SH
Stranger: Ah. MH
Well, get here quickly. I will make you tea. MH
You: No. SH
Stranger: Are you not coming here? MH
You: No. I simply needed to walk around. SH
Stranger: Then why did you end up on my street? MH
You: It's on the way. SH
Stranger: No, it isn't. You've walked several miles to reach my street. MH
You: And why ever would I do that? SH
Stranger: Because you are upset. MH
You: For what reason would I be upset? SH
Stranger: I do not know, but you only ever come walk my street when you are upset. Or when you want to see me for some reason. MH
You: Why is John worried? SH
Stranger: Because you left the flat without a word and have been gone for hours, apparently. MH
You: Did you contact me because you were worried that I might relapse? SH
Stranger: Yes, if you must know. MH
I worry, brother. MH
You: I ought to be surprised by how little you think of my resolve. SH
Stranger: I think that someone has done something to upset you, and that you are impulsive. MH
You: I almost did, which of course you know. SH
I had the contact, I was staging the exchange, but I kept walking. SH
Stranger: I'm proud of you. MH
Come have a cup of tea. It's cold out, and I can send you home later. MH
You: No. SH
Stranger: Why? MH
You: I don't want tea. SH
Stranger: Come anyway. MH
You: I don't want to be consoled. SH
I don't want your pride. SH
Stranger: I am not going to console you. I am not going to do anything. We can simply play a game, or sit in silence while you brood. MH
You: This. I don't want whatever this is that you're doing. SH
Stranger: I am attempting to be brotherly. MH
You: Of course. SH
Stranger: Very well. I will send a car to take you home. MH
You: No. I'm going to continued walking. SH
Stranger: I cannot allow you to do that. Not if the temptation has become that severe. MH
You: I'm going home. I'll be fine. SH
Stranger: (delay) I cannot stop you. I will be watching on CCTV to ensure you make it home. MH
You: This is utterly deplorable. SH
Come out yourself and collect me. SH
Stranger: You expect me to go out in the cold? MH
You: Yes. SH
Stranger: Fine. I am on my way. MH
You: I'll be here. SH
Stranger: Mycroft sighed, putting on his coat before walking out into the street. It was cold, nearly unbearable. The fact that Sherlock had walked so far was worrying, to say the least. He found him on the corner, clearing his throat to get his attention. "It's freezing out here," he observed. "Now, will you come along?"
You: Sherlock remained where he was and where he had been for quite some time. He leaned against a wall, hands held together and fingers tangled. He heard the steps of his brother and knew he was being collected, yet he didn't bother to move. He sat in silence for several pregnant minutes before pushing to his feet. His hands were tucked into his pockets and he walked forward. Making it obvious that he would follow.
Stranger: Mycroft was worried. Genuinely worried. It wasn't like Sherlock to sit out in the cold for such a ridiculous period of time. He led him back to the flat in silence, curious as to what had gotten him so worked up to begin with. He took him into the living room, turning to face him only then. "What happened?" He kept his voice neutral, knowing that pity would certainly not be received well.
You: He was pleased by the silence until Mycroft mucked it up by finally speaking. He looked ahead, taking in the moldings and decor along the walls. He was avoiding it, just taking a minute to gather himself, but soon he was responding carefully. "It's not important. I'll just be here for a few hours and then I'll go back." He returned, not bothering to slip out of his coat or remove his scarf or gloves. He just made his way around the room taking all the details in.
Stranger: Mycroft took a deep breath before deciding that he was going to have to deal with this. It was rare for Sherlock to be so completely unresponsive. He followed along behind his brother, wondering if he should comment on the coat. "I need to know what he did," he said after a moment. "You are clearly... unhappy." He'd be staying for longer than a few hours, that was certain. Mycroft wasn't going to let him leave to get high.
You: Sherlock stopped in front of a book case, finger tip on the spine of an old novel full of utter drivel. "Am I?" He inquired before pulling down with his finger to send the book cascading down to the floor. "Why assume it's something John did?" He inquired, doing it to another book and then another. As if he were slowly beginning to splinter. He picked up a book, skimmed over the title page and then tossed it over his shoulder.
Stranger: Mycroft stepped up, placing his hand over Sherlock's to stop the dissolution of his bookcase. "What has happened?" he asked, rephrasing the question so that it wasn't specific to John. Something was happening with his brother, and he was not going to allow it to continue. Sherlock was not about to be damaged by whatever this is. "Sherlock, tell me what's bothering you." He didn't bother picking up the books from the floor, all of his attention on the man before him.
You: Just like a child, Sherlock's expression shifted with a myriad of emotions. As if he couldn't keep them all in-as if there were simply far too many for him to process. Anger, hurt, confusion-a melancholy disaster ready to erupt. He splintered and broke apart at every turn. Slowly, from the inside, he was tearing himself up. "I could get it so easily. I could hide my paths, and you'd never know. I could find a way to get it without either of you being aware. It would be so easy-child's play Mycroft. The need for it just burns. As if I'm going through a secondary withdrawal. It's an itch now, but you and I both know I'll be in flames within the hour."
Stranger: Mycroft sighed quietly, nodding. So that's what this was about. Whether or not it had been emotionally motivated, it had devolved into a need for the one thing that Mycroft would not allow him to have. He looked so like a child at the moment. Perhaps that was the way to help him. Mycroft turned him so that they were facing each other, reaching for the buttons of his coat. "I know," he said simply. "We will keep it in check, Sherlock. I will help you. But first, we're getting off your coat and scarf, and then you'll have a cup of tea with me on the sofa. You're going to tell me why this is happening, if you can."
You: Treated like a child, which was exactly how he looked. However, he was stubborn and he didn't want to be treated as a child. He wanted to be... He wasn't sure. Just not this. He let Mycroft get as far as his coat before removing the rest himself. "No. I don't want tea. I don't want to talk." Which was true. He wanted to be destructive. He wanted to break something and create havoc. There was /so/ much inside of him. "I don't want to sit and discuss anything. I don't want to /talk/. This... Brotherly caring is tedious." He concluded, fingers twitching as if he meant to do something, yet Sherlock remained facing the man.
Stranger: Mycroft got Sherlock out of his coat before it went badly. Too much energy stored inside of his brother, too many emotions. That was always Sherlock's problem. It wasn't that he didn't feel anything, it was that he felt everything too deeply. He set aside the coat and his own before answering. "If you did not wish for me to care, you would not have asked me to come and collect you," he said reasonably, grabbing Sherlock's hand to stop the twitch. "So you want something from me. If it is not to talk, then what is it?"
You: He tugged free from the hand immediately. He couldn't be touched. He was so volatile... He was going to burst and he hated it. He could feel the aftermath already rising inside of him. Sadness and disapproval. He was disgusted with himself and it showed on his face. "I don't want this forced attention. I don't want you to act like you need to. I want-" And that was the true statement. He wanted something, he simply didn't know /what/. He turned on his heel to stalk away. Each step heavy and quick as if he might break into a run. Instead, the brunet shoved everything of the buffet table to send it all crashing to the floor.
Stranger: Mycroft was not much of one for physical confrontation. But he quite liked his things. And he didn't like this current attitude of his brother's. He followed easily enough, grabbing Sherlock by the shoulders and backing him against the wall, holding him there with one arm over his chest. Sherlock had always been the better fighter, but he'd taken him by surprise. He kept his entire weight against his arm, awkwardly close to his brother, but such was the cost of making sure no more of his things were broken. "You are not damaging my property because you /want/ something. What is it?"
You: He had been taken off guard, and as soon as he was against the wall, he moved to kick back. However, he was held in place, head tipped forward slightly. Sherlock looked at the proximity between them before calculating his next moves. "You can't give me any of it. Rather pointless, isn't it, Mycroft?" He sneered; ugly, bitter, and frustrated. "Let me go. I'm going home." He spoke up immediately as he used his whole body to lurch forward and shove his leg between the other mans. Just to make his shove more effective. "You're just as powerless as I am in this situation, brother mine. It's delightful, isn't it?"
Stranger: Mycroft hated that look on Sherlock's face, and he sneered right back. He'd seen the shove coming. It put him off balance for only a moment before he was pushing forward, pinning Sherlock to the wall again, this time bracing a leg between the other man's, pressed chest to chest in an effort to contain him. "I am never powerless," he huffed. "And do not assume I cannot give you the things that you want. Tell me what it is." He was panting slightly, a bit flustered, nothing like he would normally be. Damn Sherlock for making him do this.
You: Thrown once more, Sherlock truly was pinned. He let his head fall back for just a second. He did try again, persistent as always. Once he was met with a similar outcome of being unable to do much more than remain, he gave in. "I despise you. Always believing you're several steps ahead. That you've all your moves calculated and the cards are in your favor. I hate it." He bit out, seething and so obviously bitter. And then there was a look of helplessness. Of dawning that he was stuck where he was. He reared up one more time, vocally rather than physically. "Let. Go."
Stranger: Mycroft had always known that Sherlock harbored very little friendship for him, but it was still a bit less than pleasant to hear him say that he was despised. He pushed him back into the wall, knowing that it wasn't going to help, but he could not let him go. "I will not," he said firmly. "I am not moving." The helplessness was more worrying than the anger. "Tell me what you need." It was a simple battle, and Sherlock would be the first to blink, if only because Mycroft was going to ensure he would not return to the drugs. He simply had the better motivation. "Tell me."
You: There was that expression again. Overlapping emotions and helplessness that finally ended in a defeated expression. He gave in, body limp, a hand snaking its way up to cover his face. To hide what he could of himself. Hatred didn't lay with his brother, but with himself. So weak to give in and allow his emotions to betray him. He sagged with a shaky breath as he built the words to explain himself. "I can't have it. No matter what it is, I can't have it. The high, the stability-/you/. I am stuck in this loop of need and starvation, and I will never get what I want."
Stranger: Mycroft relaxed somewhat as his brother broke. It wasn't exactly what he had wanted, but he had the information he needed. "You cannot have the high," he agreed, letting his grip slacken and wrapping his arm around his waist instead. "But you can have stability. And as always, I am at your service." He took a step back, bringing Sherlock with him, encouraging him to simply relax and let himself be held. He had responded well to touch when they'd been younger, and he figured it couldn't hurt now. "Tell me what you need from me, little brother."
You: He followed brokenly. His body curling into the hold that Mycroft provided. It was the perfect shell, but never the guise he needed. Familial comfort was not what he desired and it never would be. Nonetheless, for the time being, Sherlock remained where he was in the embrace. "I need you. I merely need you." And there was nothing more he could say of it. If it weren't obvious, then he wouldn't dare say more. He could break what fragility there was with his secrets. He couldn't hide it for much longer, but for now... Now he could attempt to relax and let his brother lead him,
Stranger: Mycroft considered his words, his actions, thinking everything through. There were several possible interpretations for what his brother had said, but one that seemed to ring the most true. He took a deep breath, idly reaching up to play with Sherlock's curls the way he'd done when they were young and Sherlock had bad dreams. "Alright," he said softly, turning to gently kiss Sherlock's cheek. If he were wrong, most likely this would end badly. But he did not believe he was. "Alright, Sherlock. You have me."
You: The fingers in his hair were familiar and desperately sought after. Without thinking, he pushed into the hand with a shaky inhale. He held onto that breath, waiting for a shoe to drop, or a word to be uttered that might disprove his desires. Yet Mycroft leaned in to press a chaste kiss against his skin and Sherlock found it hard to breathe. Forgetting such a simple necessity ought to be embarrassing on any other day. Except for now. At this very moment he had what he wanted. Not all of it, but enough. The more important factor had given way and the brunet sagged only further with a sobbing exhale. He reached forward to greedily grip at Mycroft's shirt and tug him closer. He clung with the hands of life and death. Neither ashamed nor embarrassed-merely relieved. "Thank you," he breathed, eyes closed.
Stranger: Mycroft nodded, holding Sherlock to his chest and stroking his hair. This was what Sherlock needed from him, and he would provide it. He led him to the sofa, sitting on it lengthwise and simply pulling Sherlock along with him so that he was curled up on his chest. In a normal state of mind, Sherlock would have been absolutely mortified to find himself in such position, but he was not in a normal state of mind. He kept scratching lightly at his scalp, held close to his chest with his other arm. "Breathe, Sherlock," he said gently, pressing his lips to his cheek again. That was safe, if barely. It could still technically be considered brotherly affection, even if he moved closer to his lips with every kiss. "Just breathe. You're fine. You're safe. I have you."
You: Safe. A word used as a balm to etch the waves of chaos away. He burrowed into the warmth of the body below him and trailed his hands up slightly as if to hold in return. The hand against him and the hand in his hair soothed him in ways he could not vocalize. He didn't bother to try. What would be the point? Mycroft would find out soon. He tipped his head, angling it just so as to place his lips gingerly against his brother's. All pretenses gone. This was what he desired and he wanted to get just a taste of it. He had neither stable nor secure emotionally, and now Sherlock let himself settle. Bundled nerves untangling just to bunch together before finally soothing. It was all draining away, giving him the chance to melt in place.
Things were different with Sherlock when he was still a child.
There were long summer days they would spend together outside in the garden, Sherlock running around until he was so tired that he would just fall next to Mycroft, head resting on his lap but mind always working and mouth never shutting. There were cold December evenings when Sherlock would curl up on the floor next to Mycroft’s feet and skim through his books while his brother was studying or reading. There were weekend mornings when Mycroft and Sherlock woke up in the older’s bed, Sherlock’s curls tickling Mycroft’s neck when the boy was hugging up close like a puppy looking for caresses and affection. There were trips to London and holiday breakfasts on the patio and piano lessons working Sherlock up because he hated it when Mycroft was better at something. But then, at eighteen, Mycroft went to Oxford and Sherlock was left alone.
Mycroft knew this was going to be disturbing for both of them, had known it long before once, in the dead of night, Sherlock opened the creaking door and slid under the covers, waking him up to ask about what would happen when he left in October. And, though, gathering him close, he reassured the boy that nothing would change between them, it only broke his heart more, confirming him in his resolution to shut off his feelings for Sherlock as soon as possible to protect himself from getting hurt even further. Right as he left, he stopped calling, writing and visiting family house. Didn’t see Sherlock for three months at first and only talked to him twice, and when he came back, the boy didn’t want to speak to him at all. Mycroft decided it was better for both of them.
As for someone so intelligent, it was quite surprising that it took him whole eight years to realise what he had done. To realise that he had let his little sweet brother down and that, in the course of years, the emotional, vulnerable boy had turned into a cold young man full of nonchalant grace, who had some problems with drugs and cigarettes and didn’t want to have much in common with Mycroft — it wasn’t a wonder. And only when Sherlock turned up high, loud and regretful at Mummy’s Christmas party, his face pale and sweaty, eyes flickering and hair dishevelled, and Mycroft needed to escort him almost unconscious to his old room, did he fully understand. Now, in the early morning after this utter embarrassment, he eventually pulled himself together enough to loudly knock at this door he had been avoiding and have a talk with Sherlock, a real talk, the first in years. Parents were still asleep and probably so was his little brother but it had been long since Mycroft went so carelessly to sleep for the last time or slept longer than four or five hours.
[AU: July 1914. They’re aristocracy. Sherlock is gay and hiding it. Mycroft is studying at Oxford. Father is working for the government.]
Summer this year was unusually hot and sunny, apparently having abandoned typical English weather for good. Sherlock, back from Eton for holidays, could spend all his days outside, either swimming in the pool, or, at times, just looking up at the light blue sky without one little puff across it, or in the beautiful garden at the back of the mansion lying in a deckchair and reading a book. Those were usually the ones he didn’t have to hide from his father. The others were left for lonely nights in his room, away from nosey mother and overly inquisitive eyes—‘The Communist Manifesto’, ‘The Origin of Species’, Freud’s or ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’—since sometimes even Mycroft didn’t seem to be trustworthy enough to show him what his little brother was delving into at the moment, with deep blushes on his cheeks—‘The Sins of the Cities of the Plain’ or ‘Teleny, or The Reverse of the Medal’.
Mycroft, though, often accompanied him in the evening for an hour or two when the day got a bit cooler and sun wouldn’t burn his pale skin (as it had already burnt the back of Sherlock’s legs after he had carelessly fallen asleep). But this time it wasn’t holidays like always—there was too much uneasiness in the world to ignore it. Even here in the country where the reality could be easily forgotten and Sherlock could just lock himself up in the world of books and his own thoughts and ideas, pretending nothing was happening, this spread fear was visible in their father’s features if he happened to be home and sometimes in Mycroft’s looks as well, reminding Sherlock of the knowledge he’d rather throw out of his mind for ever. And Mycroft’s, for that matter.
“You’re thinking again,” he mumbled now, propping himself up on the edge of the pool, head rested on his forearms and wet curls sticking to his forehead. The last sunbeams evoked golden reflexes on the surface of warm water, slightly stirred from Sherlock’s movements. Mycroft was lying close enough to reach out and touch him yet the boy did not. “You’re always thinking about such grim things.”