It’s okay
~ gif not mine credit to owner ~
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Black Widow!fem!Reader
Summary: falling out of love is okay, even if it does hurt.
Word count: 1,516
Warnings: angst. tiny bit of fluff.
Masterlist
The forbidden relationship between the two Black Widows where they kissed in the dark, held hands in secret, yearned for each other even when they stood side by side, became a relationship where they could do all of it in public and know that they wouldn’t be punished.
For ten long years they stood side by side, defending the other when needed, had each other’s back when on missions, it had been ten years full of love and affection - okay that’s a lie.
Maybe seven years or eight.
Neither one of them could pinpoint the moment where the love they had for each other dwindled, it just kind of happened - almost slowly and yet it didn’t seem to surprise either one of them.
There was no betrayal or accusations of cheating - there was never any doubt that they would do that to each other. There was no big argument that caused one to storm out of their room, no harsh words spoken or insults thrown at each other.
There was nothing that led to the breakdown of their relationship other than simply falling out of love with each other.
And that hurt more if they were honest.
They had known each other since they were children that went through so much tougher, the pain and suffering they endured was done together, escaping from the Red Room together, starting a new life with the Avengers even though Y/n was skeptical at first Natasha refused to leave her side stating that if she didn’t want to join than neither would she.
Their conversations once full of deep and meaningful words or talks about how their day went became pretty much non-existent. When they spoke now it was full of awkward silences as one tried to rack their brain to come up with something to fill in the awkwardness.
Once upon a time neither one could keep their hands off the other, it wasn’t always sexual but rather a comfort or a reminder that they were together just by simply resting a hand on the other's thigh or linking their pinky fingers together as they sat in comfortable silence as they read a book or watched a film. But now sex became almost a chore, kisses were quick, their hands now remaining to themselves.
For two maybe three years they kept it up, neither one wanted to be the one that said the words that would end everything they knew and grew to be comfortable with.
Both of them had tried to keep a hold of the love they had, even tried to force it but nothing they did worked.
It was a week after their eleventh anniversary - one that they didn’t celebrate because Y/n was on a mission with Steve and Bucky, the two super soldiers sharing a look of confusion as the woman didn’t make a run for it the second debriefing had finished like she always did to get to her other half, instead she told them that she would do the paperwork, waving them off when they asked if she was sure.
Stretching with a dramatically loud groan she checked the time on her phone, her eyes instantly closing in frustration. She hadn’t realised how late it was.
Pushing herself off of the semi comfortable chair, she made sure that everything was turned off before leaving the office and slowly made her way towards the bedroom she shared with her girlfriend.
Creeping into the room, making sure to keep her footsteps light as the last thing she wanted to do was wake up the redhead, noticing that the lamp was on she expected to find her girlfriend asleep - nearly screaming when she saw that she wasn’t.
Letting out a low chuckle, Nat smoothed out the blanket she had covered herself with. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I didn’t think you’d be awake.”
“Couldn’t sleep.” The redhead kept her eyes downward as Y/n changed into her nightwear, the air in the room became thick as the silence grew.
Choosing to sit on the chair near the bed Y/n twisted the ring gifted by Nat around her finger. There was so much both of them wanted to say but neither one wanted to break the other's heart. “Wh- what are you looking at?” She decided to ask breaking the tension - gesturing to the box sat upon her girlfriend's lap.
Lifting up something from inside the box Y/n sat puzzled by the small piece of paper. “Remember the first time we went to the cinemas? It was a completely new experience for us.” A small smile lit up her tired face. “Then you tripped up the step and dropped the popcorn.”
Groaning in embarrassment they both burst out laughing at the memory. “I couldn’t see where I was going!”
“Yeah, yeah.” She winked. “Remember getting told off because we couldn’t stop laughing?”
“Yes! They were so bossy!” Y/n laughed, prompting Nat to roll her eyes but couldn’t disagree with the statement. “Did- did you keep the ticket?”
“I’ve kept pretty much everything.” She whispered shyly. Pulling out a small very dried petal. “From the first bouquet of flowers you gave me.”
“You had been on a mission that went wrong, I wanted to cheer you up so I brought flowers because that’s what Tony does for Pepper when she’s sad.” The other Black Widow shrugged - remembering how lost and out of place she felt when she stood in the florist shop, listening intently as the shop owner explained the different meanings behind each colourful flower. “I had never seen you smile so wide before, and I was so proud of myself-”
“Then Tony mocked the bouquet because it was small.” Nat cut in. The redhead hated the way her girlfriend's eyes turned sad and the way she tried to make herself look smaller as the billionaire laughed loudly at the bouquet that Natasha proudly showed off. “I always hated him for that.”
Shrugging as if the laughter that came from the man she calls a friend didn’t still bother her. “He was right though, I should have gotten you a-”
“No. Don’t even say that.” She cut in again. “I loved them and all the rest that you got me over the years.”
“I know but-”
“No buts.” She smiled softly. Wanting to change the subject she looked through the box again, Nat pulled out a few prize tickets from the first time they went to an arcade. “I’m still pretty convinced you were cheating that day.”
“Wha- why? Wasn’t my fault you kept getting distracted!”
“Y/n you had over a thousand tickets within half an hour.”
“And? I was just better than you.”
Nat rolled her eyes at the comment but made no attempt to correct her. “It was a good day, wasn’t it?”
“It was, I don’t think we’ve ever laughed so much or-or even felt like we were just normal people.”
The redhead smiled sadly as her head bopped slowly up and down, as the room went silent she kept looking through the box, with each item she saw the more her heart ached, as each memory played on a loop around her head tears began to blur her vision - desperately trying not to let them fall down her cheeks. “Y/n-”
“I know. It’s okay.”
Hearing those words come out of her girlfriends mouth didn’t hurt as much as it should have, the reason the tears fell from her eyes freely was because it was confirmation that their relationship had come to an end. They may no longer be in love with each other anymore but that didn’t mean they didn’t have love for the other, Nat would forever consider the beautiful woman sitting on the chair across from her with her own tears falling down her cheeks - her best friend. She would still trust her to defend and have her back on and off missions. She would always be there if Y/n ever needed her.
Natasha would always have love for Y/n. Always. “I'm so sorry it came to this.”
Y/n would always have for Natasha. Always. “There’s no reason to be sorry. You know I will always love you, don’t you?”
Nodding with a sad smile on her lips, she hastily wiped the tears with the back of her hand. “And I will always love you.”
“So this is it?”
“I-” Swallowing the lump in her throat, she nods. “I’ll go and sleep else-”
The redhead quickly interrupts somewhat dreading the response she will get. “No stay, please. Just for one more night please let me hold you.” A small smile on her lips as her now ex-girlfriend, forever her best friend, nods with a smile on her own lips as the tears continued to fall.
Maybe one day they could fall in love with each other again, feel the spark they once had, go back to feeling whole when the other one is nearby, even learn new things about the other, maybe get the ending they both craved and planned.
Maybe.
Tags: @bycinnamoons