i feel so lost, y’know? lost about studying, about my career, about debt, about what i want.
i reorganised my apartment and it’s much nicer to be in. i really should clean and do some chores today.
i also started sewing for the first time in years and i’m enjoying it. i have a project that i have in mind.
i also picked up an adult colouring book to keep my hands busy whilst watching tv.
i have read 4 and a half books in a month. i picked out another 4 from my storage. i have started sampling catcher in the rye.
finding a job that ticks my boxes - not too customer-facing, more admin heavy, hybrid or very close by. working for a small but interesting company.
being more active by getting 10k steps a day and exploring more parks.
seriously cutting back what i’m eating, aiming for ikigai, 2 fasts a week, okinawa diet other days, light exercise.
i have stopped my people management course. i have decided to step away from that and my insurance course. i think it’s not the right time atm and my mind is elsewhere. i also won’t be continuing with mandarin either. i don’t want any study on my plate currently.
at the start of this year i picked up multiple hobbies to continue my development as a person. the idea of these hobbies was fun. learning mandarin, insurance course, hr course, working on a deeply personal project, whilst balancing a large daily commute to a job that i wasn’t enjoying. in retrospect, it was rare that i ever gained enjoyment from any of the hobbies, i just kept trying to push through. that resulted in me experiencing severe mental burnout 4 months into the year that derailed me for 3 months. i quit my job with nothing lined up and ended up on multiple different medications. my body was always in a state of panic - panic from driving long distances to work, panic from my stressful job, panic from home issues, panic from trying to fit all my hobbies in whilst being fatigued, panic from the urgency of everything, panic from feeling like i wasn’t utilising my weekends to the fullest… i felt like i was like a rat race, or like i was in a washing machine cycle that never stopped. i’ve realised that maybe i don’t want to play this game the way a lot of other people do. i have lots of strengths, lots of weaknesses, but most of all i’ve spent a long period of my life unhappy. i think i am allowed to change that and focus on what i want to.
new hobbies i want to try:
reading books (i have read 4 and a half, and have 4 more to read) and reviewing them.
incorporating and researching more ikigai into my life.
eating more healthy on a budget, doing light exercise.
adult colouring book whilst watching new tv shows like got.
things i want to do as soon as i have income: get therapy, reduce debts.
