#needs editing

[mlp-g4-arthive]

[nissaviolet]

And then and then and then

Children tell there stories repeating the phrase and then to captivate their audience, most of the time this does nothing as their parents busily try to bustle them out the door to school or tuck them in for the night.

But I listen to the childrens stories. Curled up under a bed or in a closet. Hiding in the dark shadows I listen.

I do not mean to scare them I only wish to be like them once more. Where the world is their own little pocket and it is bright and full of colours and stories go on forever.

I don’t remember being a child only that the world was bigger and I smaller and my parents did not listen to my stories however many and thens I put they left me all alone.

Though maybe I never had them to begin with. I am not a being of flesh and blood, so maybe I was never born I simply wasnt and and then was.

I stand in the shadow the one cast by the scarfs and coats handing of the door. The night light glowing softly purple only deepens the shadows in the room. It’s easier to hid in a room with a night light. Dark rooms spread me too thin and I cannot listen to the stories or watch in on the dreams.

I am not malicious and I am not scary those traits belong to the others.

I simply observe.

Unseen.

And.

Alone.

Not even the others can sense me with their teeth and tongues and tentacles.

There are no others in this room only me and the small girl telling her mother goodnight as her father softly smiles from the door.

My shadow shifts as the door is closed I prepare to find a new room.

But stop

Hello says the small girl I’m Ellie.

I observe her unsure who she is addressing.

I can see you by the door I remember you from last time, I was afraid then I’m not anymore.

Would you like to hear a story.

I nod I did not know I could nod.

Ellie tells me about her first day at school her new friends who have pets and siblings and her self proclaimed best friend who has 3 dadas and a mum.

Ellie smiles sleepily and says come back tomorrow and I’ll tell another.

And so I do.

[twopoppies]

.

[thistlecatfics]

Six (or several) sentence sunday

tagged by @fantismal

Thank you for the tag and I very much did intend to do this yesterday!

so much of what I’m working on right now is for anon fests so here is some very rough writing for Frankenfest (shipuary + kinuary + febuwhump) Day 1 (Lily/Narcissa + head wound + gagging) 

Narcissa let out a huff. “That is what I feared. That is unfortunate for you, for us both.” She tsked and looked over Lily. “You are very inconvenient.”   “Why don’t you just kill me then?” Lily shot back. “We both know at least a dozen ways to use the ingredients in this room to kill a person, and that’s not even counting anything you could do with your wand.” “I would rather not kill you,” Narcissa said, her tone clipped. She smoothed down her already-smooth robes and walked back to her cauldron. “Torture me and pour through my mind until you discover all I know about the Order then?” “And how would I explain where I got the information?” Narcissa asked while chopping herbs. “That would also result in you being dead.” Lily didn’t know how to answer that.

[pumpkinpotpatch]

How does a multi dollar budget movie miss the reflection in his glasses of the camera crew when its 1/4 of the screen? Btw, this movie sparked 2 other movies and 3 other series that lasted over 5 years each.

[sourbat]

Here’s a little ficlet I wrote today. Please give it a little glance, and let me know what you think :)

Summary: Nathan listens in on an intimate conversation and becomes increasingly jealous over it. 

Pair: Magnus/Toki 

Toki’s never been one to leave his door closed for long. Nathan is used to passing by the small room, sometimes at the earliest hours of the morning, and finds the door agape, lighting aglow and showing off the interworking of Toki’s short, erratic attention span. He’s seen Toki hunched at his desk, indulged in the time-consuming process of building model planes, and he’s seen Toki rolling all over the floor, tossing his controller and screaming at the television screen. There is Toki coloring, tossing his crayons against the wall and complaining about the mess he made with his stuffed animals. Front row seats to Toki rocking. Toki dissecting his actions figures. Toki purposefully breaking his things. There are nights where Toki frantically rearranges his room, and times where Nathan approaches the stretched light and hears the young man muttering, but often pitifully whining, in another language. There are cold, silent nights where the door is closed, and Nathan can still pick up the sounds of whimpers and stifled cries. There are instances where Nathan knocks, fewer where he enters and talks to the guy. Sometimes Nathan cleans. Picks up robots with missing legs, or ones that contain screws where they shouldn’t be. Most of the time, Nathan continues onward, leaving Toki to his devices.

It’s nearing one in the morning when Nathan’s throat tires, and concludes another successful night recording lines with Pickles. After they split, Nathan enters the familiar hallway that eventually leads to his room, and on his way, finds the long, dim light emitting from Toki’s bedroom. Like before, he thinks little of the dimly lit room, but notices a gentle sound emitting from it as he approaches.

Kid is sleep at the desk, he thinks when he catches something muffled, something that sounds like slow breathing. The thought to turn off the lamplight and let Toki sleep uninterrupted arises, and Nathan considers it as he reaches the room, figuring if the floor isn’t covered with too much crap, he’ll give Toki a break this time. His pace slows as he heads for the door, footsteps adjusting and soles rolling to muffle his sounds, and when he gets close, Nathan picks up on a conversation.

“…milks and apples?”

Toki’s talking. He’s whispering to someone. A conversation centered on food. 

Nathan readies his hand, already thinking to tell Toki it’s getting late, too late for a midnight snack, but a raspy chuckle stops him.

“Hold up, dude. We got one paragraph left.”   

It’s Magnus’ voice.

Nathan’s chest tightens, muscles instinctively bracing for an incoming attack that won’t happen. Magnus isn’t here, not really, but his mere presence taking the form of some voice over the phone is enough to make Nathan’s bottom jaw ache from the subconscious grind.

Nathan withdraws from the door, furthers himself away until he can barely register the conversation taking place. No, not a conversation. He picks up on Magnus’ voice, the solidity and clarity as he carefully pronounces each word. It’s a recital. It’s him narrating. It’s Magnus telling Toki the story of a bunch of dumb animals trying to run a farm, and in all likelihood, it’s also Magnus trying to induct Toki in his bullshit philosophy.

It’s a few sentences of Magnus gently concluding a chapter to a fatigued Toki, and by the time Nathan remembers the finer details, the windmill and Magnus ranting about how their country will end up in the same sad state as the farm, it’s over. There’s silence, the sounds of Toki shifting in his bed, and Nathan draws closer.

“Alright, we’re done with chapter 3. What do you think?”

A pause. Nathan worries Toki will confess to a lack of understanding, but then he suddenly speaks up. “Don’t thinks it ams fair the pigs gets all the apples.”

Another chuckle. “Well, I don’t think it’s fair either.”

A blanket kicks up. Something folds. The mattress groans. “I thinks all the animals should be sharins,” he hears Toki say into the phone.  

“I feel the same way, Toke.”

“Why didn’ts them pigs share, Magnus?”

A simple, but foolish question, Nathan thinks. It suggests more than a lack of understanding, but gives away that Toki doesn’t comprehend the deeper layers, and that this is just a story about talking animals for him. Nathan’s bottom lip curls inward as he relives a memory of Magnus lying on top of the sofa, pages held open with thumb and pinky. Magnus tells him of a dystopian future where everyone’s at the bottom, where there are worker bees and handful of queens at the very top. Metaphor after metaphor, and Magnus peeling off his jacket because he’s so excited, tongue tripping at the increasing velocity of his words.

Nathan remembers, and admired that side of Magnus. Magnus, who always had something to say, who unleashed a crashing wave of information that, although incomprehensible to Nathan, sounded good. The man had passion, to say the least. Only problem was him constantly trying to insert it, to force it into Nathan’s head, his thoughts and his message. Cram. Shove. Jam. Hammer it all in, and when none of it stuck, and Nathan never applied, Manus got mad. Grew cold, distant and resentful.

Poor Toki, Nathan thinks, and awaits Magnus’ vengeful attack on the kid’s lack of intelligence.

“Well... why do you think the pigs won’t share?”

The question takes Nathan by surprise. He almost second guesses, thinks maybe it was Toki who asked, but then hears Toki hum aloud and guess it’s because the pigs want to keep the good tasting food for themselves, which is why they lied in the first place. Nathan hears another chuckle, this one louder, and approving.

“So, you know they’re lying?”

There’s a giggle from Toki. “Ams not a very good excuse,” he says. Magnus agrees, tells Toki he’s on to something, and the compliment earns stupid little noise from Toki.  “I wonder if them animals will change their minds abouts them pigs…”

“You’ll have to wait later, man.”

“Oh, why nots now?”

“My break ends in about five,” Magnus replies. Nathan hears the disappointing sigh emitting from Toki. He hates to hear it. He hates knowing the rise it gives Magnus knowing Toki wants him to continue reading. The silence in the air hangs low, affecting everyone. “We’ll talk more about apples and the farm later, when you’re awake, alright?”

“Oh, okays.” More blankets shift as Toki nears the phone. Or maybe he’s holding on to the phone. Nathan has his back to the wall, eyes looking away from the light, from the intimate scene he never should’ve listened in on. “I likes the story so far. Even though them pigs ams kinda fishy, the horses and other animals ams nice.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

Strange to hear his voice so soft, so gentle and accepting of another man’s limitations. Even weirder to hear Magnus compliment the horse. Last he remembered, Magnus hated the horse. Nathan grimaces at yet another memory that dared to rise from his personal, repressed storage. He crushes it before it can take form, but Nathans still wonders where the hell was this version of Magnus 17 years ago?

“Well, time’s almost up.”

“Thanks you for readins to me,” Toki chirps. Magnus tells the kid no problem, and Nathan silently gags at the sound Toki makes. A loud, audible smack. He’s kissing the damn phone. Really, Toki? “G’night, Magnus.” 

“Sweet dreams, Toki.”

Nathan stares out, mind dwelling on the conversation. Where’s the damn cross comparison, the conspiracy and literary theories, and that long rave about how ignorant Toki was for not considering the “bigger picture?” Why wasn’t Magnus mad at Toki for asking such a dumb question? Why was it that he got yelled at for not understanding Magnus, for crushing his vision, for not appreciating his contribution and message, but Toki gets to be read to, gets to ask stupid questions and earns warm appraisals for coming up with half-assed responses? Where is the fairness in that?

Nathan blinks, and realizes it’s silent. The air is still and lacking the warm glow from before, and the stone wall pressed against his back emits its solid, unforgiving chill. The light in Toki’s room is off, and was likely turned off the moment the call ended, and now it’s just him, standing alone in the dark, obsessed over the memory of a man who no longer existed. 

Nathan hangs his head low. No fair. I at least knew it wasn’t about animals.

[caitlynlynch]

Miss Cavendish is in a pickle. Guardian to her younger brother Edward, the passing of her aunt has left her without respectable companionship, or the means to acquire more. She has no choice but to accept whatever charity Viscount Enstone, whose father had been providing assistance to them, chooses to deal out. The only problem is that Luke had no idea she even existed, and can’t comprehend why his father would have been helping them out in the first place.

There’s enough plot here to make this interesting - a lecherous neighbour, a secret inheritance, an accidental compromise that forces Luke’s hand - but the execution felt a little lacking to me. There’s definitely too much telling rather than showing and I actually found the writing a little hard to follow as well - the author has a tendency to change points of view without a scene break, and to write long sentences without commas to break up clauses which can lead to confusion.

Honestly, I think the only thing this needed to be excellent was a strong line edit, but I would strongly encourage the author to get that done. As it stands, while I enjoyed the characters and felt the story was strong, my discomfort with the writing would keep me from committing to reading another full book by this author without having first read a sample to check it had been more thoroughly edited than this. I cannot give it more than three stars.

The Viscount's Convenient Bride is available now.

Disclaimer: I received a review copy of this title via Rachel’s Random Resources.