my mom is struggling right now she keeps crying and she feels lost and i feel terrible that she’s like this but i’m also like... sometimes i feel too tired to try to help her? i feel like my mental health has finally noticeably improved in the last six months and i’ve been feeling generally good and to have my mom feeling like this really exhausts me. i want to help her but any advice i try to give she doesn’t seem to want, like she really seems to want to wallow and sometimes i think that’s okay, you know, to let yourself feel shitty and be sad but i just... i can’t handle it i can’t and that’s so selfish of me
i just don’t want to be home because she’s SAD all the time but i can’t leave because i’m worried that she’ll feel like i’m abandoning her and my dad is fucking useless because he hates feelings and he’s never known what to do when someone is upset other than leave and let them work through their own shit but that’s not going to work here so i just!!!! don’t know what to do and i hate that my first instinct is to look out for myself instead of trying to help my mom feel better. i just don’t know what to do to help her because any attempts i’ve made don’t seem to do anything, she just cries and yells and is mad and upset...
she holds grudges and she’s suspicious and i know it’s because people have treated her poorly in the past but it’s like she never learned to move past any of those feelings so now there’s fifty years of resentment just pouring out of her and it’s making all of us irritable and i want to tell her that she needs to talk to a therapist or something because i think it’ll really help her but i can’t even tell my parents that I need a therapist so how can i tell someone else that they need one???
everything is a mess and i’m tired and home doesn’t feel like home anymore and i just want everything to be easy for awhile just for a bit before fucking school kicks my ass and work kicks my ass like really i just want some peace for a moment
