Nestle and Coca-Cola can both get fucked right up their ass with their own broken bottles.
Gather around y’all, cause I’m back on my bullshit again. So, if you happen to browse reddit at all, chances are you’ve encountered the silly, well-meaning, and you best damn BELIEVE well hydrated folks of /r/hydrohomies. Well, much to my pleasant surprise, they’ve started a bit of a firestorm by jumping on the #FUCKNESTLE bandwagon pretty hard and it’s gained traction. That’s fantastic. But I’ve also seen posts on “I can’t convince X to quit buying Y, wat do?” And that’s where we, as conscientious consumers often fall short; we want to feel like we are doing the right thing, but often have precious little understanding of why it’s the right thing. Or worse yet, the true reach of the company they are trying to boycott. So, considering this is a public health issue (you’ll see why later) Imma ‘bout to learn y’all sum shit. So, first things first, why Nestle and Coca Cola? Why not Unilever or any other massive corporation that objectively also sucks? Well, because it’s not every corporation that claims to be using sustainable harvesting methods while also using child slave labour, or hires paramilitary groups to hold populations as captive workers, respectively. Also, while in America corporations are the highest class that can be obtained vis a vis rights, it’s rare for them to straight up be draining lakes for free while there is a water crisis literally miles away, or to “fund” education and public health research, only to stipulate that if they don’t like the results of that research, they can pull funding and have it never released to the public. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of other corporations do shady shit for their own self-interest, it’s basically their modus operandi. That being said, we as a populace determined nearly 2 centuries ago that “hey, maybe FUCKING OWNING PEOPLE IS A BAD IDEA, YEAH?” And a decent chunk of fucking everyone agreed (sans the prison system, a topic for another day that I have previously touched on). Also, it doesn’t help these corporations are so insidious, so pervasive, that many people feel they don’t have a choice BUT to use their products, or that researching to see what is or isn’t owned by these companies is prohibitively expensive or time consuming. Hell, I know this feeling first hand. I’ve known Coca-Cola curbs academic and public health research all the time, but what’s in the lunchroom at my public health job? Coca Cola products and ONLY coca-cola products. I’ve tried to bring this up, and the reply? “Well we have an obligation to our tax-payers to use the cheapest supply contractor”. Fair, we do owe our tax-payers some level of accountability and frugalness. But come fuckin’ on, I’d rather just not use the cafeteria then at all (which I have done my best not to, but I have slipped up due to habit) and we save the taxpayers all the more. Why can’t we be transparent in the fact that “hey, these people are shitty assfucks, and we refuse to buy from them”? Oh right, because they’d sue our collective balls off, and we’d be seen as unamerican, because the only thing more patriotic than Baseball or Global Conquest is doing it with an Ice Cold Coca-ColaTM in your hand. And if you don’t think they’d have the media, public backing and money to put us “back in our lane” ohoho, I’ve got a bridge to sell your ass in the middle of the fucking Sahara. Now, back to Nestle. These fuckers have been so neocolonialist that Johan van Oldenbarnevelt would have creamed himself like a cadbury egg had he the foresight to see what would be done. Like, do I even need to mention to y’all the time Nestle ran a global PR campaign that essentially stated to the common person that their formula was as good as or better than breast milk? Or the time that they gave African women enough samples of infant formula to ensure they would quit lactating just to hike the prices of infant formula to the point they were killing whole families for profit (among other scandals)?
OR HOW ABOUT AS WE SPEAK, THESE COCKSUCKERS DECIDED THEY WANT TO “SUPPORT BREAST-FEEDING” WHICH AT BEST IS A HALF-HEARTED ATTEMPT TO SEEM TO FUCKIN HAVE A HEART, AND IS MOST LIKELY SOME CONFLICT-OF-INTEREST FUCKING HORSESHIT? So, to recap: Nestle is a slave-owning, family killing, lake-draining profiteering, neocolonialist monopolist. Coca-Cola is a research hiding, thug-hiring cumguzzler (actually, scratch that, y’all are probably at least making people happy and as long as you’re doing it safely, you do you, boo). And as for what to do? Well, any physical actions are totally up to you, but Buycott exists, as do some other listings of major corporations. Drink wisely, eat wisely, and support small vendors. These fucks are beasts of our wallet’s own creations, made as heartless as they were allowed to be. And I say, put ‘em the fuck down.