Annoying Javier/Reader Headcanons
A/N: The promised list from this post. Gender-neutral reader. Everyone can be tormented! Also atp I am so far behind Kinktober and so burnt out and busy I will just have to finish it late </3
There's no question of if Javier's attachment to you is secure based on how irritating he is. And if he's feeling insecure, he will go about playfully proclaiming you love me! followed by a suspicious ...right?
Javier definitely steals your food. If you're really hungry, he won't. He'll think about doing it but he isn't heartless, so he won't. If it's a snack, it's going to be his for the sole reason that it will piss you off. He's leaned over and taken bites out of food while you were holding it in your bare hands. He's like a seagull, or perhaps a rude horse.
He also enjoys making sure you won't want it back. Javier will eat just about anything given the fact pickings are usually slim, and he doesn't like to waste food or animal remains. It began as genuine suggestions and meal prepping, but now he also makes suggestions simply to gross you out. Goat eyes? Yes, please!
Walks with him are either romantic or Hellish. If he can be, he's attached at your hip. This is fine when he's trying to woo you, because that tone strikes up a sort of truce. When it's a short walk to get away or just for travel, Javier is knocking your hip with his to throw you off balance or swinging your hands higher and higher until you say something.
If you bend over, he will be there. Instantly. Consider it his sixth sense. It's either a squeeze on the hips, a smack on the ass, or Javier outright rutting on you until you shove him away or start laughing. If you tell him to stop, he will. Until then, it's a safer bet to squat down instead.
Javier will just... move you around. He will grab your hand, leg, shoulder — whatever he can get to — and reposition it. Usually, it's so that you two are closer than before or are touching in some way. If you're already cuddling, then he's just dicking around. The only times he's looked genuinely sorry for it is when you've complained that you were almost asleep and then he yanked on your arm just because.
If you misspeak in front of him, you might have to shoot him. Javier will mock you for hours. Stuttering? He will laugh and ask if he makes you nervous, or tell you how it cute it is. Forgetting a word? He'll never say that sentence correctly again. Accidentally made an innuendo? He's going to turn into a monster. Like most things, if it genuinely upsets you, he won't do it again. If you're only vaguely annoyed? Well, that's the reaction he's after.













