#new-berry

[longeyelashedtragedy]

If you had the ability to completely forget a piece of music to then get to “listen to for the first time” on your 50th birthday what would it be?

omg this is so hard...perhaps the old classic Bolero by Ravel...one of my favorite songs and it kicks so much ass, the first time I heard it at like age 12 it was so exciting. It'd be cool to feel that again

[steeple-sinderby-on-tour]

No overthinking! Two players / coaches / pundits/ rock stars who absolutely have wings and two who totally don’t!

You saying “no overthinking” like I’m capable of not going “am I using this(/any) trope as a way of packaging up and essentialising a mess of unexamined stereotypes and assumptions” BUT ANYWAY

Leah Williamson unutterably majestic wings unfortunately

Djed Spence glorious avenging angel wings

Sonny NO WINGS pure bootstrapping

Cuti Romero not got wings and loses his whole mind over a certain CB partner who does have them

[steeple-sinderby-wanderers]

Author interview! 17 and 18

Berry! 🫶

17: thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages. Ahhh this is a really good question. I love writing characters who are navigating a language divide in their intimacy; having a pair attempt each other’s languages, or not, is such a fun avenue to explore like mutuality and reciprocity and openness and a bit about courage. And how much you care about understanding and being understood.

I do think you have to be sparing with it: you’re writing to create an effect, right, and as soon as you’re mixing codes the odds of it being understood well enough to work start dropping, while the risk that the whole thing feels show-off-y starts to climb. But navigating fluency is one of the things that I enjoy most about writing football fic because it’s so much a feature in that world.

18: what’s the first fandom you wrote for?

Ohhh well if we’re really getting into it. I handed in X Files fanfic for my GCSE coursework, though I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. The first actual fandom I participated in was Buffy. My roots in schlock, let me show you them

[longeyelashedtragedy]

What are your most vanilla headcanons? Line what are your missionary position thoughts about Frank et al

Ohh at first I read this literally and was like hmm, is Frank a fan of missionary? This is a good one, I'm really horn dogging it these days but I'll take a peek into my soul for the vanilla that lurks within:

-Maybe this is kind of basic, but I think Frank really likes to be able to lie around reading a book with his uh, partner. This then becomes a bit tricky with Mason (and with Jamie who totally does not read books, but--secondary headcanon--I think Jamie loves Frank to read to him) because Mason isn't a reader. I think this might cause a bit of an internal challenge for Frank over time. As we kind of see in "couples try new things" there's a point where Frank breaks and can't keep playing the Daddy role--like, it's only natural for him up to a certain point. I think he'd grow frustrated not being able to Read Books with Mason, but wouldn't know what to do with that frustration. Then on the flip side, when he gets with Anthony he is threatened by Anthony's intelligence (which I haven't written about yet, but I'd really like to.) My man just can't win!

-Canonically, Frank Senior still lives in the same house all the kids grew up in. At least one of his two daughters lives right around the corner from him, and both daughters have fun going to his pub. Frank could drive over in an hour, hour and a half, but he...doesn't. So, here's where the headcanon comes in: sometimes Frank Sr goes into Franko's Little Bedroom (we got to see it in this ancient Chelsea video and the interactions between the two Franks sure are something alright) and just sits on the bed and lets the sadness? melancholy? wash over him. How did it end up like this?

-When Frank was a younger adult, I think he enjoyed being handy in the kitchen, but now he's taken on that Man Of The House persona (though from all I've taken in he doesn't give like...domineering asshole husband vibes) and sits around uselessly watching tv during cooking times. EXCEPT that I think his 90s sitcom marriage (as you so accurately called it!) winds up reinforcing this because I can definitely see Christine being like "omg, you're a hot mess do not come into my kitchen you'll ruin everything." (I can see this because she has said as much on Loose Women, lol.) Wonder who his role model is for Being a Good Husband? Uncle Harry I bet.

-It's funny, because some headcanons I've had then turn out to be true? For example, that Frank's spoiled to death by his in-laws (the Son they Never Had!) And god he must totally eat that shit up. I imagine that they were hesitant about Frank at first. A big shot footballer? Sure, he's rich, but there are so many bad stories about footballers...! But Frank Isn't Like the Others! He's smart and reads and pays attention to politics and writes in his journal on the team bus! He was able to make a good impression. How lucky that he Isn't Like the Others!

-Related...I headcanon that Frank Sr (back like over 10 years ago when his opinion still mattered) likes Christine's family's uh, philosophies on the UK. This actually comes up very briefly in the threesome fic because...what better place to put that than a threesome cmon

-When they were younger, Frank happily did Jamie's homework for him. Since Jamie's legendary neuroatypical brain made it hard for him to eat most foods, Frank would eat his extra unwanted food at family dinners. We know food was always a comfort for Franko, and this way no one would yell at Jamie for leaving food on his plate. They were always there for each other <3

-Has this come up in my fics? Probably. I'm not sure how to articulate this the right way--but I think Frank has never been in denial to himself about his sexuality. He's been ashamed, scared, all of that, sure. But I think he almost doesn't even wish he was straight? Like the only reason why he'd wish that was for the convenience. But he loves men and wants them with every ounce of his being! So he can't even imagine being another way. In my mind, he ultimately uses this to justify being a cheater, asshole, and a creep to younger lads, which is very fun to write.

-Is this one too spicy? I've been thinking this basically since the foundation of the Lampardverse lol--There's no way in hell Frank could have gotten married to a lady with a very "classically feminine" body type. Like noooooooo way. I think he'd freak the fuck out! His kinsey 5 powers can only go so far.

-Anthony has toooootally challenged Frank to a chess match. And Frank doesn't know how to play. So Anthony teases him about how he should be able to learn it quickly what with that IQ he has. Frank of course is stressed out by this because he can't have Anthony beat him in something.

-In the Derby era (digestif!) I think Frank fooled himself into thinking he was truly in love with Mason.

-It took Frank until 2021 to have a son and while I don't doubt that he loves his kids, I think he might have some mixed feelings about Having A Son--or if he doesn't now, he did then.

-I think Jamie Jamie Cousin Jamie and Christine must have an interesting relationship. She's definitely way smarter than he is, but they seem to get along quite well, and it's fun that they're in different parts of the same Industry--I think this puts Jamie at ease--she can treat him as a peer and not as Jamie the pretty face but total joke--and I'd like to think she appreciates Jamie a lot for actually treating Frank nicely, as I headcanon her as being a Frank Sr anti at this point too. Of course, as always with anything in the Lampard universe, there's a lot going on behind the scenes. Oh and--Christine and Frida (Jamie's wag) don't like each other at all.

-Oh, and I think this might actually be @protect-daniel-james 's idea, but it's so delightful that I have to put it out there--Mason was the snitch in the Utd dressing room last season!!!

shit did you want things that aren't Lampard related? this is kind of all I think about 😭. Except this:

-Nobody knew how much Mikel's sanity depended on Granit--not even Mikel 😭

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Any chance of some Marina spam since she is (in my mind) Roman’s platonic football life partner. (Kinda WAGUST. If you squint.)

oh I'm so glad you asked! She is totally a wag--they're kind of each other's platonic gay wags, aren't they?

Have some random photos I selected (questionable quality because I screenshotted previews to avoid watermarks)! Remembering that one of the reasons marinafic was able to exist is because she's also someone who I think is 🔥

(one of the main inspirations for marinafic is that hearing Frank talk about Marina is really funny--he's obviously terrified of her. Look at that handshake! Her nails!)

(not a fan of his at all, but I fucking love these ridiculous earrings)

("Whose life shall we ruin next?")

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Ivan Toney fucking Thomas Frank saying “ask me to stay. Beg me to stay.”

yes! want! need!

and. thomas frank has been in germany doing some bbc commentary...

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Music torture is a thing. What song do you play on a loop to drive the terrorists out of their bunker?

Honestly?

now, this is objectively a bangin' tune, but if you put it on repeat? they'll come out begging for mercy. source: i've had this stuck in my head all week and am losing my mind

[longeyelashedtragedy]

send me a character and i’ll list:

Mikel!

oooh, this is an interesting one

i once told a friend, i forget who, that Mikel is what an AI would spit out if i gave it a bunch of traits i find desirable in a man. and fitting for an AI, mikel isn't actually someone i want in that way, if that makes sense? he's kind of...uncanny valley. off-putting. not quite "inscrutable," but, hmmm. sort of like his life partner granit, he's unlike anyone else out there, but in a very different way than granit is.

favorite thing about them: the passion, the stubbornness, the slight insanity, the toothy-grinned charisma. i think he'd be a great politician, which is a compliment in a sense that i love politicians in an academic sort of way (hate them in practice, with very few exceptions). the behind the scenes machinations re: auba's departure in all or nothing were kind of terrifying and fascinating at once. also, what he did for granit literally brings me to tears. it's the disney love story that disney love stories want to be. oh, also his ass. what the fuck kind of workouts is he doing

also random fun fact: his older sister is a bougie artist who lives in mallorca year-round

least favorite thing about them: a) what he's doing to aaron ramsdale. b) that he's a native speaker of euskera but he's NEVER spoken it anywhere. it is a beautiful language and i'd love to hear him speak it. mikel, your less hot counterpart xabi has spoken it in interviews, get on it

favorite line:

brotp: xabi alonso! i don't really ship them romantically, but i do love that they've known each other for so long and their lives periodically intertwine, like right now with granit.

notp: kloppteta (i don't really ship kloppo with anyone, sry guys!)

otp: runners up: pepteta, & mikel and tim cahill back in everton (they...TRULY were a force of nature in those olde interviews)

The winner...

XHAKARTETA

maybe, in some ways, The Best OTP Of All Time (*aside from rakidrić). it's everything, everything.

i write about it a lot on here from the perspective of what Xhakarteta did for granit, and will do that again in my granit ask. i think it wasn't as obvious specifically what it did for mikel until granit left and mikel really seems to have lost his marbles a little. i have the feeling that mikel doesn't fully respect that many people, or trust that many people, and i think his utter and complete respect/trust for granit was a relief to him, and having granit around as his true equal did more for his stability than he knew.

plus they're gorgeous together physically. imagine their kids! like. damn. they'd also speak some of the coolest languages on the planet.

xhakarteta is weird because i bash on my own writing a lot, but i'm really satisfied with how i write and interpret them. i give them that little exciting something extra 😈

random headcanon: mikel probably has the most basic milquetoast liberal politics on the planet

unpopular opinion: he looked better with the Rangers-era long hair and he needs his earring back! i don't know how unpopular that is on tumblr, but i think it's unpopular with him lol

song i associate with them: i have a couple, but as with most footballers my song associations are kind of on superficial levels (franko and my movren mix being the exceptions)

bulería by david bisbal - wrong part of spain, but this song goes harder than any song should be going, and i love the DRAMA, and also that line -- "quiero ser tu calma y tu tempestad" -- i want to be your calm and your storm -- That's Xhakarteta !!!

favorite picture of them: ok, i'm sure at least one person will predict what i'm going to choose:

-2004, glasgow. so many photos i could have picked, but at the same time like...yeah!