"It's ironic how you feel most alive when your heart skips a few beats."
— From author and poet, Atticus.
•••
The early morning sun painted the city streets with a gentle golden hue as Ellie pedaled her road bike towards Willow Brook library. A light breeze rustling the leaves on the trees, carrying with it the promise of a new day. With each turn of wheels, the blonde could feel the cool morning air against her skin, a refreshing contrast to the warmth that would soon envelop the city.
Her road bike tires glided over the pavements, creating a rhythmic hum that seemed to sync with her own heartbeat. The familiar route to her workplace had become a comforting routine, a moment of solace before the bustling activities of the day took over. Plus, it meant she didn't have to drive with Carter, one hand around her seatbelt and the other clinging to the handle.
As she navigated through the streets, her thoughts meandered, each pedal stroke helping to clear her mind. She realized the place didn't matter much. It could have been San Francisco, Los Angeles, or right here in this new city, the feeling of freedom remained the same. And with that, a little peace of mind.
With some extra pedal strokes, the library's grand facade came into view, its mid-modern architecture standing in stark contrast to the residential world around it. Ellie slowed down, her gaze shifting from the towering windows that hinted at the vast collection of knowledge within to the almost empty parking lot, where a few vehicles she had learned to recognize were already parked. To no one's surprise, Carter hadn't arrived yet, probably still snoring at the bottom of his bed.
Taking a moment to catch her breath, Ellie unstrapped her helmet and shook out her hair, letting the wind tease away any remnants of sleepiness. She locked her bike on a frame, hooking the key to the carabiner that hung from her jeans before she made her way to the personnel entrance of the building.
The library's interior was a different world altogether, the hushed ambiance differing from the bustling city outside. Ellie knew the chance she had to savor the tranquility of the establishment before it opened. It was too early to hear the quiet chatter and page-turning, but she could already picture the crowd taking over the place. In a little over an hour, the youngest children will be taking over the activity tables, while the older ones will be dipping their noses into the day's news and large print novels.
Ellie would be lying if she said she didn't have a favorite floor after those two weeks. Witnessing students storming tables and scattering books and documents all over it was a sight she adored. She couldn't help the wave of nostalgia washing over her every time she stood on that floor. Looking back, she missed college and wondered if she'd done the right thing following this path. Should she be lucky, she'd be stationed on this floor in the afternoon, away from noisy children and bitter customers.
For the time being, only her own footsteps echoed through the corridors. She followed the same path up to the top floor she did on her first day, greeting any of her colleagues already on hand. Her desk, amidst the others, appeared more furnished than at first, with stacks of books and documents filling the void. Also, Carter had successfully invaded her space with a picture of them taped on her pencil cup. He had insisted on immortalizing the moment in front of their new desks, a smile on each of their faces. It wasn't much, but Ellie was glad she could just lift her eyes and get a glimpse of her friendship with the young man.
It never failed to bring a smile to her face.
Slumped into her office chair, she took the time to observe her surroundings and take them in. Take in the way the morning sun reflected its rays on the wall clock's silver hands that showed nine o'clock. The way the desk opposite hers always seemed messier than the others. The way she could easily see the cultural manager's already highly focused expression as she worked in her office.
In the quiet, she found a certain comfort she had no memory of. Her loft was silent too, but here, it was different. All she had to do was look up to find someone to talk to. The smell of freshly brewed coffee hung in the air, overpowering the fine musty odor Ellie couldn't seem to get rid of. And, she could keep her hands busy, deep in thought, without hurting herself doing who knows what kind of restoration work.
With a yawn, the blonde decided it was time to honor her own promise. She shuffled into the break room, her steps barely making any sound on the polished floor, as her eyes zeroed on the coffee machine like a sailor spotting land after days at sea. It had been her dream for days, tempted daily by the warm smell that haunted the corridors of the library. Something that could barely be called coffee was no longer enough to keep her going, and if she kept downing it every morning, she was convinced she'd end up sick.
With a sense of purpose, Ellie approached high-tech office equipment, the anticipation of that first sip of caffeine infusing her with a renewed sense of energy, even as she stifled another yawn. Brows furrowed in concentration, she tried to make sense of the array of buttons and levers before her. With an ounce of hope, she placed her cup in the right place, pushing a button as if to set the contraption in motion. The machine only made a faint sputtering sound, followed by an eerie silence, prompting the young woman to kick the floor with her foot in frustration.
—Oh, come on, now!
As if her persistence alone could coax the stubborn machine into submission, Ellie jabbed at the buttons a few more times, muttering some complaints under her breath. She stared at the device in pure annoyance, her hands slightly shaking in agitation. All she wanted was a cup of coffee. She had graduated with a bachelor's degree, couldn't she operate a simple piece of machinery?
—Hey there, need some help?
Startled, she turned to find Johanna leaning against a nearby countertop, a mix of amusement and worry dancing in her eyes. Ellie offered her a sheepish grin, her cheeks taking on a pinkish tinge of embarrassment.
—I'm starting to think this thing has a vendetta against me.
The cultural manager's laugh rang out, warm and inviting, as she approached with an air of easy confidence. Ellie couldn't prevent a smile from forming on her face at this sight. She watched as the brunette's deft fingers navigated the array of buttons, her eyes widening in awe when, with a swift motion, a stream of rich, dark, coffee began to flow into the waiting mug.
—H-how did you do that?
—Years of practice, my dear. Johanna winked, a proud smile curving her lips.
Ellie let out a soft sigh, one of relief and recognition. As the brunette handed her the mug, their fingers brushed in a fleeting touch, sending a shiver down the youngest's spine. Ellie cleared her throat, the pinkish complexion returning to her cheeks. She hoped it would hide the unexpected jolt of electricity that had surged through her at the contact.
—Thanks, she managed, her voice a little unsteady. I really needed that.
Johanna leaned back against the counter, her posture relaxed as she regarded Ellie with genuine interest.
—Tough day? she asked as if the sun hadn't just risen.
Ellie took a tentative sip of her black coffee, her gaze distant as she considered the question. If she were to briefly evaluate her life, she'd say that sometimes she doesn't even know if it's her own head she's carrying on her shoulders anymore. She missed the last few years of her life, when she was able to do what she always loved. Now, her little pleasure was to start the day with a coffee she hadn't even been able to brew herself.
—Tough life..?
Her questioning tone brought a smile to Johanna's face. The brunette nodded in sympathy, her hand patting Ellie's shoulder with the aim to comfort her. It wasn't much but the youngest could actually feel a wave of warmth wash over her as if her world was regaining some of its colors. She embraced the feeling, hoping it would help reload her social batteries a little.
—I remember you mentioning a new beginning, how are you adjusting?
Once again, Ellie took the time to considered Johanna's question. No one had asked her since she moved to the city. Not even Carter had taken the time to worry, probably too busy with whatever was keeping him on his toes. Yet, how could she blame him knowing what he went through on a daily basis? Being alone was much better than that.
—It's different, shrugged Ellie. Not exactly what I had in mind for myself, but... I'll get used to it.
—I'm sure you will. Don't forget, life is not meant to be linear. You'll find your own path anytime soon.
With another pat on the shoulder, Johanna nodded for Ellie to follow her through the corridors. They walked at a slow pace, chatting a bit more about that new beginning which seemed to upset the younger woman more than she cared to admit. She confessed some matters she had kept to herself until then, including the fact that her loft remained a battlefield, or that the only people she saw on a daily basis were Carter and her co-workers. Of her former life, she had no news, as if it had never existed.
At the anthill's gates, Johanna took the time to reassure Ellie one last time, bringing a smile to both their faces, before slipping away to her own office. Eyes glued to her back, the cultural manager returned to her room, exchanging a few words with other colleagues on the way.
Meanwhile, behind her, the blonde found her own desk too, the smell of hot coffee giving her a boost of courage. She was almost settled, her mug resting on a colorful underside, when a voice she knew all too well came through.
—Hi-ya boss, feeling good? Carter asked Samuel, whom he had already warmed up to. And how's my favorite partner today?
He fell back in his seat, eagerly gazing at Ellie over their laptops. She plunked herself down a little further in her seat, mug back in her hands, as she rolled her eyes at the sight of her friend's goofy grin.
—Like I'm your favorite.
—No, you're right.
He pushed himself up on his chair until he reached the back of the desk facing his own. One of his arms wrapped around Ellie's shoulders, while he raised the other to point in the direction of a certain office. The young woman eyed him sideways, unimpressed by what she would call yet another desperate attempt.
—She is my favorite. I'd give anything for you to swap desks with her.
—Dream on, you dum-dum! Ellie withdrew his arm from her shoulders, pushing him away. She'll never be that into you.
Carter feigned immense pain, a hand slamming down on his chest. From what Ellie could remember, he'd taken acting classes throughout his school years. She didn't have the heart to tell him he still had work to do if he wanted to reach Hollywood. So she arched an eyebrow, a sneer hanging from her lips.
—You do realize this is a woman we're talking about, not one of those college girls who used to chase you all the time, right? Carter nodded, quick-witted. She is a grown woman, with two children, who went through a terrible divorce.
—That's what I say, she needs a man.
—Yeah, Carter, a man! Ellie resumed mockingly. Not some college boy who can't even get to work on time.
The young blond turned his head eagerly towards the huge clock. It was already a quarter past, and he was indeed late. A grunt left his mouth as he pushed his chair back to his own desk. He took out most of his belongings, tearing a chocolate bar wrapper in the process.
—I can work on that, he mumbled, his teeth biting off some of the delicacy.
For the rest of the morning, Ellie tried desperately to ignore her friend's wacky ideas. Plunging her headphones into her ears once her lunch break had begun, she let Samuel take charge of Carter for once. She ate in the solitude of her desk, her gaze occasionally wandering to Johanna who seemed oblivious to the time, still locked in her office under the blue light of her computer's screen.
In the early afternoon, she had the privilege of settling in on her favorite floor, soon filled with students in search of knowledge. She appreciated the calm, the way everything seemed to be in its place. Closing her eyes, she could almost feel herself back in the college library, all the noises reminding her of the many long evenings she'd spent there.
It certainly wasn't the life she'd imagined living at that age, but it was a blessing all the same. Something she knew she could work with, no matter for how long. It was better than anything she'd known in the past, better than what should have been her own home, even better than than the hardest sides of college.
As she made her way to her desk for the last time of the day to collect her things, Ellie decided to give herself a chance. It was a new beginning, and as Johanna had reminded her, life was far from linear. With an open mind, she'd surely be open to life's surprises, like the delicate package waiting for her on her desk.
She took it in hand, gently, turning it in each direction until a small card fell from the ribbon. The ink was shiny black, highlighting the curls of the writing. The blonde couldn't tell who it was from at first glance. It was definitely an unfamiliar script.
A sapphic novel created and written by @itwasrealtome
Buy me a coffee
Summary: "I’d never fallen in love with a woman. But when I did, it didn’t seem so strange." — Cynthia Nixon
In the bustling city of WillowBrook, Ellie Walker, a former soccer sensation, turned librarian, teams up with her charming enigmatic friend, Carter, to revitalize the local’s library cultural scene. Along the way, they team up with the library’s cultural manager, Johanna, who’ll quickly become te young man’s new obsession.
As Ellie rediscovers her passion for soccer with the help of a small local club’s coach, her past and present collide in a heartwarming tale of seconds chances. Amid rows of books, the young woman lets herself explore the complexities of her growing affection for Johanna, between stolen glances, hushed conversations, and gentle gestures.
"She’s your fling?"
"You don’t understand, Isa. She makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. It’s terrifying."
