#nick cummins

[valiantkoalaturtle]

Nick’s actually growing on me so much

‘It’s not rocket surgery’

‘I stitched it myself’

[damienc1]

Translating Nick Cummins

I wrote this a while ago but never got around to publishing, so here it is: It’s funny, how the majority of us can be enthralled by people who throw, run, catch or kick a ball. Leather or pigskin, it doesn’t matter. We love it. We marvel at the athleticism, the freakish skills, an ability to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and vice versa. We love it when it goes right and we love it just…

View On WordPress

[twoforonewriting-blog]

Lazy Saturday

           Todd turned to the camera 1, "Welcome back to Saturday Morning Kitchen, if you haven't been following us we're just about to hear whether our guest will be getting food heaven or food hell. Now Linda do you want to explain the two options?"

           Todd turned to the blonde women beside him. The camera panned slowly.

           "My food heaven is pigeon stuffed with pineapple," her thick Geordie accent overpowered the screen.

           "That's a little bit of an odd mix isn't it?" Todd said looking at camera 2.

           "Well see I grew up in the countryside and we used to eat lots of game. I just loved eating woodpigeon. I thought it was the sweetest meat. I'm a bit of a carnivore." She gave a girlish giggle.

           "But pineapple?"

           "Well when I moved to London to start my acting career, I used to go to this wonderful fusion restaurant around the corner. They used to combine the strangest things and one of them was pigeon and pineapple pizza."

           Todd made a pained face, "I'm sure there are Italian chefs the world over spinning in their graves."

           "Honestly it was so good."

           "Haha, Ok. So what's your food hell."

           Linda scrunched up her nose, "Fish. Any sort of fish. I can't stand it. It's awful. It makes me gag and wretch."

           "What is it about fish? The taste? The texture?"

           "Everything. The slimy texture. It's all terrible."

           "Even shellfish?"

           "Especially shellfish."

           "Ok," Todd turned back to camera 1. "So we've just tallied the votes on whether Linda will get her food heaven, pigeon crown stuffed with a pineapple stuffing laid on a bed of roasted whole carrots and creamy mash, all drizzled with thick pineapple sauce, or will she get her food hell, a smorgasbord of seafood, fried calamari, oysters on the half shell, Dublin bay prawns, sea snails, and a mix of salmon, cod, and hake in a seaweed salad."

           He paused for a moment to build suspense.

           "What do you think it is?"

           "Oh I really don't know. I hope it's heaven."

           "Well, you seem to be in luck. There were plenty of people feeling pretty carnivorous this morning. We're going to preparing the Pineapple Pigeon. We'll be ready to go right after these messages," Todd said with a wink and a grin.

           The channel changed.

           "...see that the Western Force's pack has a shocking 40kg less than the Sunwolves."

           "It's a great opportunity for the plucky Japanese side to pull one over on the Aussies."

           "It is indeed Chuck. But now we're going to go to the pitch side now for a quick word with the Honey Badger himself, Nick Cummins."

           "G'Day boys. I swear it's warmer than walleroo's pouch this morning."

           "It's looking like it's going to be a scorcher down in Perth."

           "Ah yeah, you can say that again. You know, I think the uprights are starting to melt."

           "How are you feeling after that knock you got last week?"

           "Ah it's a cracking shame, you know, yeah if I hadn't taken that shot I'd be on this game like a seagull at the tip."

           "Too right Nick, Do you fancy Force's chances today against that big Sunwolf pack?"

           "Ah you know, the Wolves are a great team. The pack is strong but you know they've got some real speed freaks on the wing. That Yamada, he’s a pretty quick rooster alright. You don’t show him the sideline that's for sure."

           "So what's going to be the game plan?"

           "When you come into this sort of game you’ve got to show the patience of the Dalai Lama initially in order to get that gig and when it comes round be ready to strike."

           "Haha, thanks Nick, we'd better pass on now to Hugh Bladen in the commentary box..."

- Cillian