Jesse: I'm so glad you're done! There's something I can't wait to tell you
[It's a rant!] So Mr. I'm not just a federal agent, I have a soulmate, too, why don't you care? Is going to be reassigned as soon as I move locations. I don't care he has a soul mate... 1. I'm not trying to fuck him 2. I'm not trying to date him 3. I'm not the one who asked her to be born I'm just trying to live MY life. It was his unfortunate luck or mine whichever you want to call it that he was assigned to me. Me, the victim. He's been treating me like the criminal. When I had to go to the hotel many weeks ago, he was the main source that was scaring me. So he mostly quit, like 99% but sometimes I feel like it's going to start again... And my phone frequently messes up when I type but I think it's just cause it's overused... but when I used one with a cracked screen, which Never messes up, was messing up all kinds I got the feeling he was the one behind it. I already know that for a long time they have been on my system... because they need to know what I'm doing and so forth. I don't like it. I think it's an invasion of privacy and if I think about it I will get pissed off. I have no private life. And then he was controlling my phone yesterday. So. It's bullshit. Already he creeped me out several days ago, I was going to write about it but didn't. He was just lewd. And me and Jesse just laughed it off that maybe he was playing. I've seen him before and Jesse told me he was fed but it was before I knew I had been followed. He gets pissed off because I'm like I'm going to go get a coke then don't and then 3 hours later I decide I'm not going to. And they have people in place to watch me go. And maybe it seems a little too much, but I fainted and Joe followed me home and raped me. So if it happens again, then they need to know to protect me. And Joe hired stalkers to find me always and that's how the state police even got on the case. So. At any time I can be in mortal danger. And so I don't decide to go get a coke. Guess what? That's HEALTHY. and he should be proud and not pissed off. John Dicktective doesn't care. He says people get paid to go out and do that. If they don't like it then they can say "pull me off the case. I don't want to sit around and wait for sabrina to show and not. It's boring and agitating" First of all if you're gonna get bugged then it's definitely not the department you want to be in. Secondly, maybe you should call and ask what I'm doing. Okay Okay so half the time I don't even know but... still. It's not like I don't know you're watching me. Third, I don't always like to plan every single detail of my life. John calls me "freedom" for a reason and it's not just cause of my router name. Fourth: I didn't ask for this to happen to me. I don't get paid to be the victim. I don't get over time, I don't get perks, I don't get free meals because someone guessed someone would be in a specific place and I had to be there and look like I was supposed to be. I'm like hell yea put me in a safe house! I'm bored! I'll get drivers, a monthly stipend = monthly money I don't have to work for. I'll know what Dictective are who, where and when. And I'll get peace because finally that means at least some hell in my life is coming to an end. And alot of other shit about rapists being arrested finally. It's decided that I need to relocate to a safe house because last June he was willing to do it again.. there was a sting operation they wanted to do to catch him in the act... they said that I would have been safe... they would have stopped him. But they needed enough information and more than they had. My memories aren't reliable and when I have federal agent jack asses fucking around and giving my near heart attacks then really they become even less reliable due to fear. I need peace, quiet and to left alone And more than anything I need control. I can't remember shit and thus fucking idiot wants me to give a shit he has a soulmate and wants me to help him? Is he fucking kidding?! Jesse and John DICKTECTIVE told him that if he WANTS something from me, being annoying and terrifying isn't the way to do it. I am NOT the criminal!!!! Yes I can mastermind a Hella shit that can include hands off death but that's only because I know the people and planet [karma/God/Allah/Satan] so well. That's it. It's INTELLIGENCE. I feel sorry that he's not as intelligence as I am but all he has to do is pay attention and not be a control freak. That's it And I think he's a nice guy he just LEARNED the wrong behaviors and attitude somewhere. That doesn't mean it's okay. My mom and Joe are both rapists and kidnappers. My exhusband is now a rapist and an attempted kidnapper. So that means I can be a rapist and kidnapper and torture people? No. It means I HAVE to Fight Back. I have to DEFEND MYSELF. It's Not Okay I have to defend myself to someone assigned to Protect me. It's not okay at all. So I'm glad he will be removed. I hope he finds a life coach that will train him to leave His bad manners in the closet. I'm not it. All I know is what he looks like and he is a federal agent from the FBI assigned to my case A case on which I am the only one that CAN recall information. Because of the drugs I have to sort which are dreams and which are reality-based memories. And he wants to me to consume my time with his life. I don't think that's okay. He can write me a letter and mail me a check and then we can work but I'm not going Dejoria on him. It's wrong. The only reason I go dejoria is because I know her. From a long long time ago. Alot were dreams but still I know her and the only reason I do Dejoria is for my Kids. The kids I helped selflessly raise for the past TWO DECADES. If it weren't for my kids I wouldn't wasted the last year Now I'm not stupid. This piece of shit "federal agent" knows who his soulmate I'd and all he has to do is shut the fuck up and go and get her. Write her a letter. Say hi I'm a dumb ass federal agent and I knew you since you were born and I think you forgot about me but I would like you to get reacquainted with me" Or show up to her kids soccer games. Offer to help with a technic the kid is struggling with. There's billions of easy ways to do and do it right. I promised Corey and told Hagrid I would help them. And Bacon seems to be willing to go. But that is in person. they are too chicken to go at it alone. So I have to "hand hold" them through it and maybe even go with them. To me it is an honor and I'm so relieved and happy that I get a chance to help a woman whom I know is suffering For me it helps my heart to breathe. But thus shit the fed is doing is fucked up and wrong. It's selfish beyond belief and he's completely destroying the case on Joe. I've already said how Dejoria put me back six months. And this fuck has done at least, bare minimum, 2 months of damage. BECAUSE of Dejoria Snoop doggy dog had to come and help take care of me. People don't realize what damage they do to others and what's more, they don't care! Now there's my mom and Federal Agent nimcompoop HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO A GOD DAM THING?!? I CANT!!! it took me a year and a half to find out Joe even raped me. It took me nearly another year to ACCEPT it. Everyday everyday memories These fucking selfish twats think they understand what I need to remember? They don't have a clue When there is other people I feel their interference. Their bull shit. I have interference with Joe. Dejoria. Denise. And sometimes even Jesse. Jesse spent months talking about Paparazzi so I could accept and understand there were police following me. It's the easy way for my brain to work and my heart not to go into shock. I'm a strong ass bitch. I can do alot of shit most can't. But when I'm stressed I'm a mess. I have a heart condition. I am so fucking ultra sensitive that it goes off the fucking charts And everyone has their own head shoved so far up their ass they never see it. Anyway I'm pissed off that I even have to type this. He's a jack ass that would throw all my medical evidence of my rape in the trash. Maybe he doesn't see himself that way but he's extremely unprofessional. John asked if I want woman to be my shelfmates in the safe house and I said guys because for me they're easier to understand. Girls.. I get heartbroken. I know how they feel to be alone without their soulmates and I know how they feel. And their soulmates piss me off. But I get so awkward and introverted that I don't feel like I have the freedom to feel or think. With Guys I'm just like you're a dick I don't need I have my own go stand in the corner and leave me alone. It's easier Dejoria is probably the only person that I've right sided and that's for my own protection because I have to. My "mom" when I do her she tries to "rape" me. So.. even now. But in a way where it's not physical but it's disturbing enough to be called rape. I can do Lori and the kids. And I can understand women and I don't have a deep problem with them... yet I do. Guys for some reason it's always been easy to overlook for me. Married men tho... or ones with girlfriends... they set me off to want to destroy their relationships And I know women always so I'm like I'll flirt with the bastard, get her to think he's cheating and bam. Hahah. I ruined your life and now you got to go get your chick. Single guys on the other hand I tend to learn them as one. Their chicks [left side] look at me shakey and I think it's them.. like he don't understand or trust me. And always I took a different approach than I think would be mentally healthy for me now. I just don't respect married men or men with chicks that ain't belonging to someone other than them I thunk their intelligence is severely lacking. And single guys while I consider them to be dumb are at least kind to themselves and their left side soulmates. But I hate guys who think that I'm a free hole for their dicks to warm themselves in. You want that shit? Hit central and pick you up a working broad. Don't bother me none. Ain't my goddam business. But more than anything I need people who are gonna stay out my face and out of my breath. Whom are just going to leave me the hell alone. I talk to John Dicktective alot and sometimes he gets over the boundaries but I can get moody with him and he's like alright Freedom it's okay. I don't like to be moody or rude or have to lecture. It's not me. Do what is right. Period. Figure your shit out and own it. John is about a job and he, I feel, is trustworthy. I get scared and he's like "there's nothing" Yeah sometimes he can be a dick and be silly or tricky but he's not mean. If anything he's sensitive. But he's not a whiney tatty baby. He does his job in a supportive, understanding and sensitive manner. And sometimes he gets tired and frustrated. And I tell him he needs to pull the stick out his ass and he's like yeah okay you're right. Sorry. And it's not a big deal because he's HUMAN. Federal Agent is a human too but he's not treating me like one and expects favors in return. Favors that currently are impossible to do and would 100% waste my time at the current state of affairs. I have enough time wasted by Jesse telling me stories so that I don't have a fucking heart attack. And those piss me off too.
