#no bashing

[neocelticavalon]

📣REMINDER, Y'ALL!!!!📣

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[constitutionalweasleymonarchy]

I have been Ron. I have also been Lavender.

Story time, friends, before I get into the canon discussion of their relationship dynamic.

When I was 18, almost 19, and home from for summer break, I started seeing a guy I'd been friends with in high school. I really had not dated prior to this. We went out a few times, with friends and then alone. We kissed a lot, we were having fun, we ended up spending a lot of our time together. We never had a "relationship status" discussion, but also neither of us were seeing other people.

I genuinely enjoyed him. We had fun, he treated me well. I definitely was enjoying the feeling of being wanted by someone. We made out pretty hot and heavy, and at that point we were each sexually inexperienced, so the dynamic felt like a safe one for me to be able to explore physical intimacy, without risk of rejection or too much embarrassment. And at that point in my life, I did not have the experience to distinguish between actually liking this person as a good dating partner for me and liking how they made me feel about myself / enjoying the feeling of being wanted or loved.

The time came for me to go back to school, and my assumption was that we'd had some fun together but it was going to end there. That was not his assumption. He wanted to be serious and go long-distance. I tried in a nice but very ineffectual way to shrug off that idea. So he kept doing what he could to persuade me.

I really didn't want to. And I should have said that. But I didn't know how. I felt guilty. I hated the idea of having to reject him. I also thought, Have I led him on?? I dated him, after all, I spent more and more of my time with him, we talked on the phone for hours, I sucked plenty of face with him. After all of that, could I just say, "I don't want this to go further?"

The answer, of course, is I could (and should) have said that. But I didn't have the tools. I also frankly didn't have the empowerment, the courage, or the self-possession. It took me years into adulthood (even after one divorce) to really wrap my mind around the fact that you can break up with someone at any time, for any reason, if you're not feeling it, or even if it's just your spidey senses telling you something's wrong. You should certainly treat people with respect and empathy, but you don't owe someone the rest of your life just because you've gone out with them once or a hundred times. Dating is, in part, about trying things on to find what fits best. Every relationship doesn't have to be forever.

But I felt as though I'd be a bad person, after all of that, to say no. And he wasn't intentionally trying to manipulate me. I know how it feels to be manipulated and disrespected, and that wasn't what was going on there. Subconsciously, of course, he was not really listening to me, not really accepting how I was starting to keep him at arm's length. But he was also young and inexperienced and genuinely wanted a future together and thought that he just needed to convince me how committed he was.

I dated him long distance for almost TWO YEARS. And the longer it went on, the more I felt like I had no right to break it off now. I came home for holidays, he visited me on weekends, talked on the phone every day, we went further sexually with one another. He became absurdly jealous about me going to parties, being friends with guys, even mentioning a guy's name could send him into a fucking mood and totally piss me off. I began to completely resent him. The more I pulled away, the harder he clung, the more I pulled away, repeat ad nauseam.

He said "I love you" first. I'd be a horrible person if I didn't say it back, right? Besides, I did care about him. That was love, right? I was happy to be loved as well. He got me a promise ring. I claimed it didn't fit and wore it on a necklace.

I should have nipped this in the bud almost two years earlier, but I never did. I don't think I was a villain. I certainly wasn't trying to mistreat anyone -- after all, I got into this mess because I was trying to avoid hurting him. But it did, of course, end up hurting both of us in the end, and much more devastatingly than if I'd been honest with myself and with him in the first place.

I kind of laugh when people try to force Ron/Lavender to fit some rational, ulterior motive explanation. As if the fact that he ultimately didn't want to continue a relationship with her is evidence that he never honestly liked her to begin with. As if the fact that he didn't step up and break off the relationship earlier is evidence that he was only using her for the purpose of his ego, or to make Hermione jealous.

There's absolutely no basis in canon to see the initiation of Ron and Lavender's relationship as anything more complicated or mysterious than what it was: two 16 year-olds who were attracted to each other, making out, because hey guys, kissing is fun actually. Especially when riding the high of the Gryffindor win. We don't know who made the first move (Lav jumping Ron was in the movies). We do know they snuck off to try to find somewhere more private, which tells us from the get-go that this isn't something Ron is just doing to annoy Hermione. If he were, you'd think it would make sense to stay where people see them. They come upon Hermione and Harry by happenstance, and Ron is very awkward indeed to be thrust into that situation. And hey, by the way, is it possible that Ron's increasingly coming to terms with some feelings for Hermione while at the same time being ecstatic about this connection with Lavender? Yes! Because people aren't all-or-nothing in their motivations. Also, as I should hope we've established by now, kissing someone doesn't mean you suddenly owe them some depth of romantic commitment.

This happens in late October or beginning of November. Two months later, the day before Slughorn's party and two days before going home for Christmas, Ron and Lav are still at it. Interestingly (and while we still need to take into account any bias on the part of Harry as POV character), Harry's observations make it seem like Lavender is doing a lot of the pursuing/ initiating:

Harry had to put up with the frequest presence of Lavender Brown, who seemed to regard any moment that she was not kissing Ron as a moment wasted

But also, Ron's enjoying himself perfectly well during this period of time, as we get multiple descriptions of him and Lavender attempting to merge into one entity in the common room.

The first time we see Ron overtly dividing his attention from Lavender to focus on Hermione is the day of Slughorn's party. Ron is looking at Hermione during dinner (this is before he knows about Cormac being her date) and Harry is trying to encourage him to make up with her. Then Parvati and Lavender come to sit down, Lavender squeezes in between the boys while they're mid-conversation and throws her arms around Ron. Parvati says hi to Hermione, who tells her about the date with Cormac in a very pointed way, which she clearly intends for Ron to hear (and this isn't a Ron-vs-Hermione judgment, it's just the way it happens, period). Ron's attention is drawn away from eating Lavender's face. Then Hermione leaves, and Lavender begins to discuss the Hermione/Cormac development with Parvati.

Everyone goes home for Christmas, and Christmas day (again, about two months after they get together) is the first time we get an indication that Ron and Lavender really aren't on the same page, because Ron gets The Necklace.

And by the way, can I just take a moment here to say, even if Ron was seeing a serious future with Lavender, I still can't see him wanting to wear a necklace like that. If he was with Hermione I still can't see him wanting to wear a necklace like that. It's honestly a little funny how off-base that gift is from Lavender, and while I don't doubt her earnestness, it's a sign of just how little she actually knows Ron (and tbh, how little she is trying to know the real Ron, because I don't actually think it takes a rocket scientist to know he wouldn't be into that).

A week or so later they return to school, and Ron actually tries to reply to a conversational "How was your Christmas" from Hermione, who totally ignores him and speaks only to Harry. Then when they step into the common room, Lavender immediately launches herself at Ron and it's the first time we hear "Won-Won." The next morning, when they're all signing up for Apparition lessons, Lavender playfully covers Ron's eyes and addresses him again as Won-Won, and he manages to shake her off to follow Harry and Hermione on the way to class.

So this goes on a little under two more months until we reach Ron's birthday, and besides the morning of the Apparition announcement we don't get much more information about the state of Ron/Lavender except that they're still kissing with some level of frequency. ("She keeps snogging you, doesn't she?")

Then when Ron gets poisoned, while he's in the hospital wing, Lavender takes this opportunity to begin digging for information from Harry about how Ron really feels about her, including whether or not Ron considers their relationship "serious." And Ron keeps pretending to be asleep when Lavender comes to visit him.

This tells us not only that they are both avoiding talking to one another about what this relationship really is and what they really want -- they also both know that they are avoiding it. Clearly, neither of them is happy with the state of things. But neither will actually make their feelings known or as the other directly. And this tracks, for people this age and experience (or lack thereof)! We don't know Lavender's dating experience prior to this, but she is certainly no guru, and she is acting just as immature and avoidant as Ron is.

Harry tells Ron he needs to just break up with Lavender. Ron's response?

"Yeah... well... it's not that easy, is it?"

Because guess what: it's not that easy! Because we're not in Ron's POV, we can never know exactly what makes it not easy for him, but we do see that he's very clearly uncomfortable with things and would be much happier if he were no longer in this relationship. He is not getting his rocks off prolonging things with Lavender. He's not using her; he doesn't know how to end it.

Lavender is waiting for Ron before breakfast the morning he's released from the infirmary, and Ron is described as looking nervous to see her. She demands to know why Hermione is with him and Harry. A week later, they're still together, though Ron expressly makes it known to Harry and Hermione that he wants to break up.

"I won't," said Ron into his hands. "Or maybe I will... then she'll ditch me..." "Why don't you just ditch her if you want to finish it?" asked Harry. "You haven't ever chucked anyone, have you?" said Ron. "You and Cho just -- " "Sort of fell apart, yeah," said Harry. "Wish that would happen with me and Lavender," said Ron gloomily [...] "But the more I hint I want to finish it, the tighter she holds on. It's like going out with the giant squid."

Ron feels trapped, and it's a trap he has the power to let himself out of, but for whatever reason he's nervous or scared to do so. Well into April, he is literally trying to hide whenever he sees a girl coming around the corner if he thinks it might be Lavender.

And all I'm saying is, I've been there. I've been the person who strung someone along because I didn't want to do the hurtful, uncomfortable thing. Real life is full of grown adults who struggle to communicate what they want and don't want. These are teenagers, at least one of whom is in their first romantic relationship ever.

I said in the title of this post that I've also been Lavender. I've been in a relationship where I knew we were not on the same page, and I knew he would never give me what I needed in a relationship. I married the guy after breaking up and getting back together multiple times. I spent 8 years with him. I was a full-fledged lawyer when we got married. Every time we did break up, it was basically me who would finally do it after he became more and more distant and dismissive. Then he'd come back begging for another chance and I gave it to him. I knew something was wrong. But I just thought if I tried harder and loved him more, and made myself into whatever it was that would keep him, I'd be able to.

But a part of me knew the entire time that it shouldn't be that hard -- that when you see someone isn't willing to love you in the way you love them, you also need to be able to say, "I want and deserve more than this, and this isn't working for me."

Ron/Lavender starts out perfectly fun for both parties, but they don't talk about their relationship, they don't truly see or understand one another, they both expect the other to take a hint, and neither one is willing to break off a relationship that is clearly unsatisfactory to both of them.

People have complex -- sometimes contradicting -- feelings and motivations, actually.

[justgivemeanickname]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Criminal Minds (US TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Tara Lewis/Emily Prentiss Characters: Emily Prentiss, Tara Lewis, David Rossi, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez (Criminal Minds), Matt Simmons (Criminal Minds), Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds), Savannah Hayes, Elizabeth Prentiss, Sergio the Cat (Criminal Minds) Additional Tags: Character Study, Emily is head over heels for Tara, is so is Tara for Emily, Established Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, soft romance, it goes a little..., Slow Burn, BAU Critical, Garcia Means Well, Rossi Is Wrong (But He Tries), Not character bashing, Found family it's complicated and the BAU is the proof, Fraternization, Love v. Job -- do they have to choose?, unintentional hurt, Domestic Fluff, Protective Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds), Derek Morgan is a good friend, Supportive Partner Tara Lewis, Bisexual Tara Lewis, Bisexual Emily Prentiss, Sergio the Cat is the underrated star of this fic, English Is Not The Author's First Language, Not beated Summary:

Emily hadn’t realized when she had lowered her walls around Tara.

When she kept allowing her to see the underbelly of Unit Chief Emily Prentiss, SSA of the BAU.

She knew Tara the best thing to happen to her in a while. Tara Lewis, profiler by day, Emily’s by night

Loving Tara was easy. Dealing with the team was not.

[thaiandotherbls]

DISCLAIMER!!!

Moving forward I will not tolerate any reblogs that say that I am victim blaming a fictional character.

I stated MY opinion about the first two new episodes of pitbabe like anyone else. It was my opinion that Babe was acting disrespectful in his relationship.

At no point did I dismiss the Attempted SA that occurred or the trauma that has occurred prior.

Again I appreciate respectful feedback and friendly conversations. Disrespectful or rude comments and reblogs will be removed and blocked

Sincerely Admin of Thai and other BLS

[thatrandyalexfroma03]

Secret relationship comes out

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

My latest bucktommy fic!

[snoopyflinx]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44496301/chapters/163297753

Amphibia x Gravity Falls: Mabel of the year.

We see Mabel earn the title of frog of the year can see do the best party Wartwood ever seen or atleast better than Anne did when it was her?

Find out: Same Frog time, Same Frog Channel!

[adekalyn]

The Last Black Standing on ao3.

The summer of 95’ has come to an end, and while his godson and his friends return to Hogwarts, Sirius is left to face the shadows of Grimmauld Place.

Sirius is determined to have his name cleared. The journey to freedom won't be easy, and there are many who would rather he remain the fugitive he is. To succeed, he will have to divide his attention between exposing the truth and something he, and his co-conspirators, aren't willing to outright say: keeping watch over the Order, and what they get up to.

But in times of war, things rarely go smoothly, and the Order isn't to be underestimated.