#noach rambles

[sandstonejourney]

I wrapped tefillin for the first time in forever and tbh, I missed it. I haven't been doing it much of late bc the pandemic means that none of the synagogues are open rn and while that's fine for, esp if it means we can keep the oldest and most vulnerable members around us safe and healthy, wrapping tefillin whilst being alone feels...different. I'm used to having the sounds of other people getting ready around me and now I don't have that because everyone is davening from home. As much as I like the silence and the chance to center myself and wrap refilling without distraction, I do miss having people physically around me. I might join in for a zoom minyan the next time I'm off work, but I'm an awkward noodle who hates zoom so idk for sure.

(you'd think nearly 8 months into the pandemic I'd get over that but nope!)

I'm definitely gonna get back into my routine of wrapping tefillin and at least praying the amidah on the days where I'm not scheduled to work the morning.

[sandstonejourney]

What’s in a name?

My full Hebrew name is Noach Devorah ben Avraham v’Sarah. Noach is the male form of Noah. Devorah is the name of Israel’s only female judge. It’s a name that makes me grin when I get to say it out loud even as my stomach flips from nerves. 

I got to say my full Hebrew name yesterday at the end of my Aliyah. It was the first time that I’d said it in front of people who weren’t the rabbis. As I said it, I stumbled over the second name: Devorah. It’s an odd thing, having a woman’s name next to one that’s so distinctly male. It’s even odder when what comes behind it is basically telling everyone that you’re a boy because Hebrew, for better or worse, is a gendered language.

In hindsight, I don’t think anyone but me picked up on it, but that didn’t stop my stomach from flipping nervously. It flipped because most of the older people think I’m a guy (I present pretty masculinely thanks to being on T for almost 3 yrs now). There’s even a woman who’s taken to calling me a “nice Jewish boy.” While having people refer to me as a guy is a thousand times better than them referring to me as a girl, at the end of the day, I’m not a guy. My name is proof of that: Noach Devorah. For people who listen close enough, it’s practically an announcement of my gender neutral status.

Noach Devorah ben Avraham v’Sarah. Noah Devorah, son of Abraham and Sarah. It’s an almost completely masculine name for someone who pings masc but isn’t a guy. It’s my name. It’s complicated, not 100% perfect, but then again neither am I.

[sandstonejourney]

House Update

Been forever since I’ve used this thing so update, both for my own accountability and for anyone who might stumble upon it: finished my conversion in...May? Picked a Hebrew name: Noach Devorah ben Avraham v’Sarah (or b’nei Avraham v’Sarah, if I’m talking to one of the rabbis who sat on my beit dein). So now this blog’s gonna mainly be me trying to figure out my observance with the whole non-binary thing, plus the culture thing. Also stories because stories are nice.