If we didn't have forever, would you love me until our forever ran out?
Sharna pulled her travel bag up on her shoulder as she glanced around her bedroom knowing that it would be the last time she seen her safe place. She looked over at Noah's nightstand and seen the envelope she had placed there earlier. She moved over and picked up the envelope tracing his name on the front in her loopy script. She sighed and put the envelope back down catching sight of his hoodie lying on his pillow. She felt her eyes fill with tears for what felt like the millionth time as she ran her fingers over the comforting fabric. She made a last minute decision and grabbed the hoodie, shoving it into her bag. She made her way over to the door, pulling the handle up on her suitcase as she took one last look around the room.
"Goodbye." She whispered, turning the lights out and heading towards the front door. She got as far as the kitchen before she seen the front door handle turning signaling that her husband was home. She froze in place not knowing what to do.
"Hey! I'm home early!" Noah said cheerfully as he put his bag down on the bench in the doorway. He didn't notice the state she was in or the things she was carrying right away but he stopped dead when he did. "What is going on? Where are you going?"
"I have to go. I'm sorry, I meant to be gone before you got here." She said trying to sound as forceful as she could but failing miserably. She started to move forward toward the door but he stopped her.
"No! You need to explain this to me. Where are you going?"
"Shar, do you.....oh..." Peta's voice trailed off as she opened the door and saw Noah standing there as well.
"You're in on this too! Sharna! Seriously? You were really planning on leaving and not even telling me? Does this mean nothing to you?" Noah said holding up his hand with his wedding ring on it.
"Shar....I think....." Peta started to say. She knew what Sharna had found out and tried to talk her out of this however Sharna had been adamant that Noah didn't need this in his life.
"No. He doesn't need this!" Sharna yelled suddenly finding her voice. She realized what she said and could have sworn under her breath at herself. She knew he wasn't going to let that go.
"What is this? What don't I need because I'm pretty sure the last thing I want or need is for you to leave me?" He yelled.
"Noah." Peta said softly as she saw Sharna beginning to crack.
"No." Sharna and Noah said at the same time as the tears started to fall down Sharna's cheeks again. Peta moved over to Sharna as she seen her knees begin to give out. She wrapped her arm around her best friend's waist, holding her up tight.
"We need to go." Sharna said again.
"I....I can't..." Noah said walking away from the two. He had no idea what to do at this moment. He was so flustered.
"Sharna, you need to tell him. You're going to regret this. I understand why you're doing what you're doing but you don't want to do this. He wouldn't want you to do this. He has no clue why you're doing this and he's flipping out. That's not what marriage vows say. It's through sickness and health for a reason."
"Look at him. He loves you. He doesn't even know what this is about and it's tearing him up. You need to tell him."
"What if I can't?" She said softly as she looked at her best friend with sheer fear in her eyes.
"You have the paperwork, right? It shows the diagnosis?" Pea said. After Sharna had gone to the doctor the other day, she had gotten her results back. Noah had been away on a work trip so he wasn't aware of what was going on. Peta had gone with her to the appointment and the one thing that Sharna had clung to was the paper that had the written diagnosis and treatment plan. She had moved from disbelief to terror to panic. Then she decided she couldn't put Noah through this pain and had gone down that rabbit hole which is how they got to this point now.
"Yeah." Sharna said as she nodded.
"Then use that. Sharna, I love you to pieces, you know I'd do anything you'd ask me to but I really think at the end of the day, you're going to want him and need him."
"I.....he..." Sharna stammered looking at her husband of two years. She realized that this could still go very badly.
"Sit, please, let me talk to him, then you can." Peta suggested. Sharna nodded and let Peta lead her to the loveseat on the far side of the living room. Then she headed over to Noah.
"Noah." Peta said softly putting her hand on his back. He jumped and looked at her in alarm which turned to anger as well.
"Talk to her. Please? It's not what you think, at all. She's scared. I don't agree with what she was going to choose either but I couldn't abandon her. So please, just listen to her."
"How do I do that? She was going to leave me?"
"Do you even have to ask that?"
"Just answer it, do you love her?"
"You know I do. Besides the kids, she's my world."
"Then you take a deep breath, and you listen. It's going to take her some time, but she'll get it out."
".......okay." Noah said nodding. He felt like everything had fallen apart right then and he wasn't sure what was up and what was right but he knew Peta was attempting to help so he was hoping this would work or at least explain something.
"Shar......Noah's here." Peta said softly as she moved back over to Sharna who was just sitting on the couch shaking.
"Envelope....Noah's night stand. And the paper in my purse." Sharna whispered to Peta as Noah sat down beside her.
"I'll get it babe." Peta said moving to get the two things she requested. She got the requested items and gave them to Sharna. She was going to leave the two but knowing what Sharna's mind frame was like she decided to just move to the back patio and make sure nothing went the complete wrong way.
"Soo..." Noah said once Peta had left them alone. Sharna jumped slightly at his voice before looking at the papers in her hands.
"I...umm....this was for you. It may still be for you I guess." She said handing him the envelope that she had written him as her goodbye. Noah hesitantly reached for it trying to decide what was going on and if he should open it. He looked up at her and realized she had stopped looking at him and was now looking at the paper in her hands. He realized he could see her gynecologist's name in the top right corner and he realized she had her yearly appointment while he was away. He felt his heart drop to his feet as he realized that Peta was right. It was not what he was thinking at all.
"Sharna, can I....can I see that?" He asked gently reaching for the paper in her hands. She griped it tightly but then let him take it from her. He opened it and looked over the words; he felt the vomit start to rise up as he looked at the results section. "Patient diagnosed with cervical & ovarian cancer. Treatment plan to follow after additional bloodwork to determine severity. Bloodwork scheduled for 10/9 at Cedars-."
"I'm....sorry." She whispered softly as she pressed her face into her hands.
"No." He said sharply making her look at him. He reached for her and took her hand, gently pulling her to him. She stiffened as she looked at him.
"I don't want to put you through this. You've already been through enough." She said as the tears continued to fall down her cheeks.
"That's what this says huh?" As it all clicked into place. Part of him was angry, angry at her for trying to leave, angry at Peta for agreeing to help, angry at the doctors, and just angry in general. Another part of him was sick to his stomach and shocked at the words he had just off the paper. And lastly he was sad and terrified, terrified of losing his rock, terrified that he wouldn't be able to help, sad that she was going through this, and sad she felt she needed to hide this from him.
"I couldn't...." She trailed off looking out the window at the yard, she hadn't figured out how to process half of this stuff herself her so she didn't know how to explain things to him.
"I need a minute." Noah said as he felt his head begin to spin with all the information to process.
"I'm sorry." She said as she started to stand up and move away.
"No, no, stay. I just meant I needed a minute to think on everything. Just stay here please, I don't want you to go." He said as he grasped her hand. He realized how what he said came off but he had just not wanted to send the wrong message with his silence.
"I....I'm..." She tried to say she was sorry but at the same time just couldn't figure out how to form words that would make sense. She felt like between finding out the news and then figuring out how to deal with all of this and then Noah coming home, her mind and body was completely shut down.
"Shhh." Noah said shaking his head lightly. He seen her nod her head lightly as she just clung to his hand instead. He let his head start to spin for a moment but then looked over at his wife. He could see the rings under her eyes, the tear tracks streaked down her cheeks mixed with the current tears that she was struggling to hold in, and just the exhausted look on her body. He wanted to hash this out, talk about the fact that her instinct while was to honestly protect him was also to flee. He then wanted to just take her into his arms and hold her tight. He wanted to cherish the time, just hold onto each other and try to make some sense of all this. He hesitiated for a moment before sliding a little closer. She looked at him curiously and didn't move.
