#non binary advice

[musings-from-mars]

Thanks for the speedy response! I'm afab and I like girls, so I've always considered myself a cis lesbian. But, with summer approaching, I find myself wondering. I absolutely despise form fitting shirts and if hoodies aren't an option, baggy t-shirts are a must. I've thrown tantrums as a child bc my mom would force me into a dress/skirt and I hated it. The other night, I searched up ways to bind. I don't even have medium sized breasts, let alone big enough ones to be noticed by others. (1/?)

From anon: “But, when I tried the double sports bra method, it was like a light lit up in my soul. I was ecstatic looking at my chest for the first time since puberty. There's also the noun part. I have a cool name, one that's been complimented before. I don't mind being called it, but it's never felt like mine. I started going by Chip online, and I've been happy with it. I don't like being addressed as a girl/woman (aunt/mother/everything else feels so foreign), but I'm fine with she/her pronouns. (2/?)”

“They and them is kind of a meh for me, but I do not like being referred to as he, him, or a male. The dysphoria -if I should call it that- only happens when I wear shirts where my chest is visible at all, so I feel silly. Laying it all out now, it feels obvious, but I would like a second opinion. Thanks for listening.“

Hi!

It always feels like an honor do get asked things like this because I feel like my advice could make a big difference for someone. Thank you for coming to me and trusting me enough to ask!

To me, being nonbinary is really simple. If you even feel like you aren’t 100% a woman or 100% a man, you aren’t! That’s...really what being trans and/or nonbinary is. It’s that realization that you “want” your gender to be different than what was assigned to you. That “wanting” a different gender indicates...you really are a different gender! And you saying you don’t want to be addressed as a woman or by woman-aligned language, or as a man either, sounds pretty nonbinary-y to me!

Regarding pronouns, don’t worry too much. Plenty of nonbinary people use she/her and/or he/him pronouns whether out of preference, simplicity, or whatever reason. They/them are obvious faves for many enbies, but pronouns are not gender exclusive nor indicative of gender. Take me for example! I use she/her pronouns but I am not a woman, simply because anytime someone uses those pronouns for me, I get a little flutter of happiness in my heart.

I have two big questions for you. I hope to hear back from you, either anonymously in my inbox again, or you can DM me if you don’t want it public at all (I won’t tell anyone of course). My questions: Do you want to be nonbinary? Do you feel like you are nonbinary? I ask these to be certain, because like I say above, it’s the “wanting” that counts. Your answers, I think, would mean a lot to you understanding this aspect of yourself.

But do always remember that questioning processes like this can take time, Don’t rush at all. Give yourself time for introspection.

And if you do realize you are nonbinary, please let me know because I will be so hecking happy for you! And if you decide you aren’t, or you’re just not certain yet, I’ll still proudly support you and lend an ear when you need it.

I hope to hear from you again soon! Have a happy Pride!

[trans-matters]

So I see a lot of people on here identifying as Trangender AND non-binary. Isn't that a contradiction? How can you, as a transperson (who as I thought are either males or females who are not comfortable with their biological gender and therefore want to TRANSition from one to the other) identify as neither one of the sexes, or feeling like a different gender, dependig on the day? How does that work? It just sounds like those two terms don't go together for me. How would you explain this?

There are more then two gender’s. Gender is a lot more grey then we once thought. You absolutely can be non binary and transgender, you can absolutely be no gender.

So yes you can be trans masculine ( masculine qualities) but still don’t fit into male/female gender binary. Therefore “ Trans mansculine Non Binary.”

http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/12/myths-non-binary-people/

Kyle

[musings-from-mars]

I love the idea of gender fluid characters, but unless they are shape shifters like Neo, I can’t think how to write them... curse my very gay but mostly Cis brain!

Hey, don’t be so hard on your cis brain, cause your cis brain thought to ask! And I shall answer!

It’s really simple, actually. If a character is genderfluid, that just means that their gender identity changes from time to time. This can be day-to-day, hour-to-hour, year-to-year, it all really depends on how they feel and how they see themself at the moment. Depending on how they identify, that’ll influence how they present. And that’s pretty much it! Your genderfluid character might just wear different clothes or style their hair in different ways depending on how they feel.

Being a shapeshifter like Neo definitely helps with the changing presentation part, but being genderfluid can be something that’s not visible, too. Someone could dress the same all the time but their gender ID might change anyway.

The thing to remember is that gender as a whole is just one big sandbox, and you can build your gender sandcastle however you like and call it whatever you want!

[musings-from-mars]

Hey so I've been pondering over gender stuff, and I wanted to ask: how does one figure out if you're non binary? I think I might be, but I'm not sure how it feels or if I'm even feeling the right thing??? I'm just overall confused and wanted to hear from a professional (if you don't mind talking about it of course).

Of course I don’t mind, and I’m so flattered you came to me of all people for advice. I’m delighted to help, as best as I can. (Though a professional, I am not. I’m still confused as hell, so you’re not alone there fren).

Really, you shouldn’t be looking for a specific feeling. There’s no right way to feel. It’s up to you to decide for yourself based on your emotions and your thoughts and feelings.

Gender identity is one aspect of a large array of self identification. Sexual orientation, romantic orientation, gender presentation, pronouns, and gender identity are all aspects of everyone’s identity. These things are...you. They’re how you see yourself, and how you wish others to see you, too. I know the “If you feel it in your heart, then it’s true” line is cliché and not helpful, but it truly is up to your feelings. If you feel like you can’t be confined to the gender binary, then break free from it!

Some people are non-binary because the expectations of the gender binary can cause them distress. I sometimes experience dysphoria, others may not but may still be unhappy. Maybe you aren’t distressed, but you feel like being male or female isn’t right for you. At the end of the day, it’s up to you. If you feel like you are non-binary, you are non-binary.

Please please please message me again if you’d like. I want to hear what you think. Figuring out your gender can be really hard, but reaching that realization can be a beautiful and fulfilling feeling. Whatever you feel is right for you, I support you ❤️

[angrygaynerd]

Hi hello,

If there are any non-binary/trans people from the UK out there I need some help.

So I'm afab non-binary/a gender and I've never really felt like I needed any medical intervention in my transition, like I bind sometimes, my clothes are pretty genderless, I'm about to cut all my hair off, I'm doing pretty good with stopping the dysphoria. The only issue is that once a month my period comes along and BAM I get hit with a wave of a horrible amount of dysphoria for like 10 days or so. Every. Month.

In a dream world I'd just get a hysterectomy and never have to think about it again but lord knows the NHS won't pay for me to loose an organ when I'm "still a young woman and you could want children one day, you never know". So I want to go to a GP and get birth control or something to stop my period, but I'm gay so not using it as birth control and I never really get bad physical side effects of my period so I can't cite that as an excuse for them either.

Basically does anyone know how easy it is to cite gender dysphoria as a reason for getting birth control without having to make it overly complicated. Or am I just going to have to lie to my GP?

[musings-from-mars]

I’m a bit of a mess when it comes to sexuality and gender. Most of the time I’d just say I’m gay cis male, but a lot of times that doesn’t feel right. I don’t think I’m trans, but I’ve never felt exactly right in my body. I have been physically attracted to men and women but I’m only romantic with men. I have very little interest in sex but I’m not sure if I’d go as far as to say asexual. What ever it is I worry I’m not good enough for my boyfriend. I’m just a gay mess.

Don’t worry about being good enough for others. The way you feel is valid and you should never compare yourself to other people’s expectations. Who you are is your own journey! And whoever you’re with should love you no matter what your gender or sexuality may be!