#non-forgiveness

[presstowardthecall]

[studentworldchange]

Lack of Forgiveness as a World Problem

By Daniella Umutesi

Lack of forgiveness is being unwilling or unable to forgive. And forgiving is defined as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense . Forgiving does not necessarily mean forgetting, or even letting an act go unpunished, although for some people it does. We may forgive someone emotionally, but still feel that they need to experience consequences. Or we may still feel a need to protect future victims. For our safely and well being, we may choose to exclude the perpetrator from our lives or from society.

Forgiveness means being peaceful, while no longer wishing them harm, wanting them to be miserable, or seeking revenge. For some of us , hanging onto the anger and bitterness means giving the perpetrator continued power over our lives, while letting it go frees us psychologically. Forgiveness can mean continuing to work for good and be a loving person, even when faced with abhorrent acts. Most Americans desire more forgiveness in their lives, but they are more critical when choosing who to forgive , according to a recent survey. Sixty-two percent of American adults said they need more forgiveness in their personal lives, and according to a study by the Michigan-based Fetzer Institute, 94 percent wanted to see forgiveness in the country. Researchers who study forgiveness have found that it provides many health benefits to those who practice it, alleviating “everything from high blood pressure and heart problems to pain and mood disorders.”

Forgiving those who have wronged us is never easy. But withholding forgiveness is like allowing a tumor to spread aggressively through our body while ignoring the necessary treatment to eradicate it, the fact of not forgiving puts yourself in prison. There are bars and rules that keep you from others and them from you. You are alone, locked away and unable to engage with those who are in your life. Trust does not exist and while one may think that forgiveness is something only the very highly evolved can accomplish, experts have found that “forgiveness may be just as inherent, just as evolutionarily hardwired into human nature, as aggression and revenge.” In other words, anyone can forgive, if given the right encouragement, although it is said that nobody should be pushed into forgiveness, “as if there were a tidy, scheduled way to grieve deadline.” Pushing for forgiveness when a victim is not ready does more harm than good, and can make them feel inadequate or re-victimized.

Psycho-educational interventions have been successful in helping people overcome interpersonal transgressions although they are typically implemented in group formats, psycho-education interventions to promote forgiveness have been effective for an array of problems and in a variety of situations. For example psycho-educational interventions have promoted forgiveness with adolescents who have felt deprived of their parent’s love, men who were upset by their partner’s choice to have an abortion, partners wishing to enrich their marriage, and older women struggling to overcome hurts in their life. Psycho-educational interventions have also been useful to promote forgiveness in groups of adults who report a diversity of offenses. In my opinion, I think what could also reduce this problem is talking about it, which means: creating organizations, TV shows, establishment of forgiveness campaigns, etc. that enhance and teach the importance of forgiving. Most of the time people take it personally and they are not aware how much non-forgiveness can destroy their lives and deprive them of success.

My country (Rwanda) and fellow Rwandans have experienced the power of forgiveness and by choosing to forgive we built a safe, secure and expanding nation. They key to forgiving in my opinion is starting to do. Sometimes understanding reasons about what happened can be helpful, but sometimes we will never know why someone or something hurts us and we don’t want to make our own recovery contingent upon understanding why the bad thing happened. We may never understand why, but it’s okay, we don’t have to know why something happened in order to get better.

Forgiveness is important because it is a way to self-fulfillment. People who can readily forgive are much happier and successful in their lives than those who keep grudges against others and never want to let go. To conclude, non-forgiveness is a huge problem in the world because as long as we live people will do things intentionally or unintentionally to hurt us. That’s the nature of the world we live in. That is why we need forgiveness to let go of a wrong against us, our bitterness, our negative thoughts and the need for revenge and hatred. We all make mistakes and we all need and deserve forgiveness.

                                            Citation

1.https://lifehacker.com/how-to-forgive-someone-who-has-wronged-you-1671192403

2.http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/j.1556-6678.2003.tb 00261.x/epdf?r3_referer=wol&tracking_action=preview_click&show_checkout=1&purchase_referrer=www.google.com&purchase_site_license=LICENSE_DENIED_NO_CUSTOMER

3.Lawler, Kathleen A., et al. (2003). A change of heart: Cardiovascular correlates of forgiveness in response to interpersonal conflict." Journal of behavioral medicine 26, 373-393.