Hyunjin's biggest fear is to loose the love of his members. So he would do everything to keep this love. Even if it means he has to go beyond his limits for that... (I'm not happy with this fic, it sonds more like Chan, but I hope you still like it)
Hyunjin knew he was loved. He knew his members loved him. And he loved them unconditionally. But he also feared that they wouldn't love him anymore one day. So he tried all in his possible to keep that love.
It was a normal evening, everyone was home exept Chan (as always). Minho decided to stay awake until his hyung would come home (as always). Hyunjin looked at Minho "you can already go to bed Minho, I'll wait for Chan-hyung. You look like you're gonna fall asleep while standing." "Are you sure? Your day was long too" Hyunjin smiled. "I'm okay with it. Go, sleep" Minho looked thankful at his younger friend "thank you" and with that he went upstairs. Hyunjin knew Chan would come late, so he didn't expect that the door would swing open around midnight and a clearly frustrated Bang Chan woould stand in the house. "Oh, I didn't think you would be so early" Hyunjin said and it ws the truth. His leader just groaned and sat down next to him. "Bad day?" Hyunjin asked softly, while he put on arm around Chan's shoulders. The older member nodded. "JYP wants another comeback. In 6 weeks! How am I supposed to do that? I tried to start writing the songs for it, but my head can't get the words in an order that would make sense" "I can help you with it. I know I don't belong to 3RACHA, but I can write" "I know Hyunjin-ah. But you should rest a little bit before the comeback. What are you doing awake at this time anyways?" "I promised Minho to take over his idea to wait unil you're home. He was so tired. So can I help you or not? I'm awake so where's the point?" Chan nodded defeated and they started to work. Around 3am they had two songs nearly ready. "Thanks for your help Hyunjin! But now you should sleep!" "Same for you hyung"
Some days later, Hyunjin just finished recording, he heard an annoyed sigh out of the practice room. He looked inside, only to see Seungmin trying to do the dance moves they learned today. Hyunjin wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. He felt too tired to help Seungmin, he helped the others so much during the days, but all in all was Seungmin his friend too and deserved to be helped. And Seungmin helped Hyunjin too. That you have to think about helping him! You don't deserve to be loved! and with those thoughts he went into the room. "Seungmin, can I help you?" Seungmin shot around and smiled relieved. "Yeah actually. I don't understand how we did those steps! During practice they seemed so simple, but now..." "I understand that. So look, you just have to put your feet together like this and then jump a little bit like this..." Hyunjin and Seungmin went through all the steps again and again until both were all sweaty. But Seungmin smiled. "Thank you for your help! I love you for that!" and with that Seungmin went out of the room to shower.
Hyunjin sat on his bed, with his laptop on his lap. he had a list with reasons why he was loved. And how he was able to keep the love he got. It looked a little bit like this:
You have to help the others, no matter what
Never complain
Put yourself behind the others
Don't be selfish
Don't snap at the others
Never ever show fear or weakness, they have to rely on you
When he thought about it, most looked like Chan had written it, or at least he thought Chan would write it like that. Hyunjin put his phone on his nightstand and closed his eyes. He was asleep so fast that he didn't notice, that he didn't close his phone. Changbin came into their room a little later and saw that Hyunjins phone was still on. He just wanted to close it, when he saw the list. He took a picture of it and send it to Chan:
Dwekki: look what I found on Hyunjin's phone
Dwekki: *sends the picture*
Chan-hyung: what is that supposed to be and why were you on his phone?
Dwekki: He slept and left his phone on his nightstand. It was still open so I wanted to close it. I guess it's a list how to keep peoples love?
Chan-hyung: could be. But why does he have that? Does he think we don't love him?
Dwekki: Aren't you the one who should know that? I mean you are the one working himself to death so that others will be okay with you. And you're the one always thinking you are't enough...
Chan-hyung: Okay, okay, got it. I'll tell the others to come into the living room. We'll discuss everything there
Dwekki: 👍
After 10 minutes, everyone was in the living room. Changbin showed everyone the picture and explained what it was. "But why does he think he has to do all of that to be loved or to keep our love?" I.N asked. "Well there are different reasons: it could be that he doesn't think he's worth to be lovedor to recieve love without doing something for it. It could also be related to self hate or a low self esteem. Or he lost someone because ofsoem points" Chan answered. "Well we have an expert here with those topics" Minho said, earning a death-glare from Chan. "But what shall we do against that? I mean we all love him unconditionally and no matter what" Felix looked around and the others nodded. "I can talk to him about that. I mean I found the list tho..." " 'Found' the list, sure" Seungmin glanced at Changbin with a smirk "i really found it, his phone was open!" "Okay, so you will talk to him" han asked to end that argument. Changbin nodded and went upstairs again.
The next morning Hyunjin was woken up by someone who was shaking his shoulder. "Mmmhhh" he groaned. "Jinnie, wake up I want to talk to you" "Whyyy, it's like 3am" Changbin chuckled. he knew that Hyunjin HATED being woken up. "It's important. And it's 8am for your time-feeling" Hyunjin sat up and rubbed his eyes. He felt guilty about being like that. There you go, now he definitely won't love you anymore. Changbin sat down next to him. "So, I came home late yesterday and noticed that your phonescreen was still on. I just wanted to close your screen, when I saw this" he showed Hyunjin the picture of the list. Hyunjin froze. Shit! How should he explain that? "I talked about that with the other members and well... we are kinda... worried? I mean... why do you have that list? Do you feel like we don't loove you enough or-" "No! no of course not! I know you all love me, I just... I just feel like if I won't do all of that... well you won't love me anymore? I guess? So I mean it's really dumb, it's just-" before he could finish the sentence his air was cut off by a really strong hug. "Oh Jinnie-ah, we will always love you! Unconditionally and no matter what! You don't have to overwork yourself. It's enough if one of us does that! Please never think we won't love you just because you don't work or help us sometimes. You are allowed to take breaks. You. Are. Loved. Okay?" Hyunjin nodded, a tear escaping his right eye and rolled down his cheek. Changbin gently wiped it away. "Now delete that list, yeah?" and Hyunjin nodded again, opening his phone. He knew he was loved. And that love wouldn't just disappear. No matter what.
END
Uff, why does it get harder with every part XD? And why do I feel like I wrote for Chan and not for Hyunjin? But honestly it kinda suits him. SOrry that I only posted this today, maybe there will come the next part in the middle of the night again. Love you all 🤗. AND MAKE SURE YOU SLEEP!!!
she is quite possibly my favorite star wars account atm because shes doing this series. just day after day reading a sad quote from legends and canon novels about obiwan and nothing fucks me up in the feels more :,)
I have yet to find someone that understands me on a emotional level, intellectual level, or even just come to some sort of common ground. I feel so disconnected from other humans, it’s so lonely feeling like no one you meet will ever understand you whole heartedly. It’s just the most loneliest feeling in the world to not feel understood or even worth understanding.
