#not ocd

[ancient-depressed-druid]

Turns out my quirky whimsy was autism and ADHD all along

🎶queue Agatha all along soundtrack🎶

[ocd--culture--is]

hey um. can rq or "transaryan/transnazis" NOT FUCKING INTERACT WITH ME. im a blog moded by a gay, disabled and indigenous north african man, i don't want that shit on my notifications.

[obsessively-compulsive]

ADHD MOODS

mentally i am 6

mentally i am 60

mentally i am cool

mentally i hate myself

everyone loves me im epic

everyone hates me im annoyig

i forgot i needed to pee

brrrrr music brain

five night a t freddy gave me heart attack

i liek freddy fnaf

dude pls go pee i need to pee so bad

heehoo! no pee. only i phone and tunglr

[outofcontextdiscord]

im sorry if this has been asked before but since every post is tagged with it I can't search it if it has - what does "admin boa" mean

This blog has had other staff at points and the admin/mod tag would designate who approved/made a post.

Right now, it's just me.

Admin Boa

[mal-functioning]

send me asks please 😵‍💫 i’m dying from boredom

[michellemisfit]

After many days on ebay, all my sunglasses are stored away in a colour coded, tidy fashion. Maybe the rest of life will simply follow

[ocdrantings]

Story Time

So um... I am not having a great time right now. I feel alone, more alone than I have done than maybe ever before in my life. 

For a long time I didn’t really have any friends, not that I saw regularly anyway. And sure than got lonely at times but I was ok. I preferred to read anyway. 

However, when I was around 10 I got some friends. Not the most trustworthy friends, but still friends. 

At 12 I got my first real best friend. And she was my best friend for years. Maybe until I were 17 or even 18. But she moved away, and as a consequence of that we lost touch. Then we fell out, and while we made up we never really got back to where we used to be. 

During that time I had more friends, friends that I really liked. And I still have most of them. But we rarely hung out after school, or anything like that. We still only see each other occasionally. 

At 19 I met the best friend I have ever had. It felt like she was the friend I had always waited for, and she probably was. She got me, and I got her and we could talk for hours about nothing. 

I felt like we were safe? There was no drama. We talked every day over facebook, we saw each other almost every week. We took classes together at university. 

Then a thing happened. I won’t go into it, partially because I feel like I am the worst person ever and partially because it is not really relevant. But due to this we haven’t seen each other since December. We still talked, over facebook. And I cried so much during that time. Because of the situation, and because I was terrified that unless I put myself together and went along with the situation I would lose her. However I couldn’t put myself together. I was not in a good place emotionally and this kind of pushed me over an edge. 

I am pretty sure I have lost her now. And last time I talked with her she said she had come to peace with it. I haven’t. (About here I started crying while typing this). 

While I still have other friends I feel so empty. I feel so alone. And I feel guilty for feeling that. Because I have friends. And I love them. I basically have more friends than I ever had but I feel so alone. Whenever I see something funny, that I know she would find funny, I am moments away from sending it to her. Then I remember she is not there now. When I see something that upsets me, and that I know only she would get, I can’t talk to her about it. 

I don’t know why I am writing an essay about this, but like... maybe it is good for you to know what is going on with me. Why I keep posting about being alone. And looking for people to talk to.