Self-care moment: Butterfly
Vancouver, July 29, 2016
Yesterday, I woke up intent on fulfilling someone else's bucket list. One I had created. In the expression of many days can happen in one day, after another at least seven days yesterday, my lesson, or reminder, my learn, was it was time for me to come home.
I'm confident that I've done the right thing, and in my heart I am so at peace. Tom and I have had (mostly me, he'd be first to say) many very, painfully difficult conversations. We learned a new language, and I accept that it is a one-time gift, intimate, engrained upon my heart and soul.
I've moved through so many stages of learning in the past six weeks. The walking isn't complete. For me, the YOU ARE HERE checkin point, is being mindful that this isn't my own final walk.
I may be the honoured story-teller, I'm not the author. My words feebly string together someone else's tapestry. That tapestry is interwoven within my own life story.
In continuing to honour my friend, the one I've grown to know dearly in the last two-and-a-half years, and the one that developed in the last six weeks, and has brought us to where we are now. Tom, like myself, has always enjoyed his own space.
When helping others, I'm more keenly aware than ever, that it's difficult to see this experience unselfishly, and objectively, through someone else's experience and unspoken desires. I've had many, many longs hours immersed in deep, personal introspective thought, reflection, gratitude, and profound sadness, equalled only with the unimagined beauty of this deep personal and intimate experience.
So many thoughts, so many of my own learns, so many of my own observations and even incredible connections with new friends because of Tom. There are some of the funniest, silent, meditative moments that I'll cherish forever, as the memories of a good friend.
I'm keenly aware too, that in his typically generous heart, Tom allowed me to share parts his story, including this chapter, while acknowledging the pieces I've written have always been submitted for consideration when, as I've always sought permission to share, before even having these shared chats.
Out of respect of my hero, moving forward, I will be writing a limited number of essays about this final chapter. I do have Tom's permission, and through this, have grown to know and care for Tom's family. I also have always choosen to not share the details that I gleen as a close personal friend. I've always had the ability with all of the 'strangers' I've met to establish trust, and sometimes an unspoken one of what is shared personally, as opposed to conversation shared that comes from 'updates' or 'follow-up' stories.
For the next few days, I intend to enjoy my space, process so much information, switch off and maybe even see how much of the 98% full of content PVR I can binge through. I also intend to be mostly offline, and truly quiet and still.
This is a complete stream of thought, and as such, my final ask is that rather than send me responses of support (I can so feel you all, trust that - you know me. I do. I am loved and love). I ask that instead, and the choice is yours, no obligation, whatsoever...
Consider the notion of planting seeds of love, kindness and compassion freely, without ever telling anyone, and without ever feeling a need or expectation of seeing the end results. It's a new kind of peace.
There are ripples that connect, like an underground current of energy and love. Tap into it. Explore. Be uncomfortable. Love. Be loved.
#DayTenTom #notastranger #SelfCare
