Characters:: Rebecca (pre!hell Cord) and Thomas Word count:: 2815
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It had become something of a habit. Sneaking out in the dead of night while her family slept and meeting up with Thomas at the edge of the woods. She was always careful of prying eyes, had memorized the watch schedules of everyone as well as the hunting times. If they were caught, they were both dead, she knew that. And, quite frankly, she wasn’t all that interested in checking out earlier than she needed to.
Of course, the idea of a quick death compared to hellhounds did hold some appeal, it would put her children at risk. That was the one place Rebecca drew a line. In everything she and Thomas did, the children were left out of it.
He had questions about them, naturally, especially her eldest. Robert was a lot like her in many ways and, if any of them would carry her gifts, he was the most likely. But, she put her foot down, told him with no room for argument that her babies were not part of this. If she could protect them from her fate, she would do whatever it took to do so.
She was silent as she followed Thomas deeper into the woods, to the spot they had first crossed paths, the scorched earth easy to find. He had used some sort of cloaking spell, something to keep it hidden from prying eyes, but she didn’t exactly trust that either. Didn’t trust him, not entirely. There was something he wasn’t telling her and she would only bite her tongue for so long. She hated being kept in the dark.
Energy rippled around her when she crossed the edge of the circle, the feel of it sliding across her skin making her breath catch. She doubted she would ever truly get used to that feeling. It wasn’t unpleasant, no, quite the opposite honestly. That pull of power making her want more of it.
“In time,” Thomas had told her, his tone always calm but amused. He was far more patient than she was, but it didn’t seem he was going to be dying before her. It had to give him an extra bit of that ease, to not feel so rushed.
A part of him was worried about the power hunger, but he figured it would do well in the beginning of hell. If she was anything like him, and Thomas knew she was, she’d get to a certain level and mellow out. Learn better ways to use it, to utilize what she has, without going down paths even he was too afraid to touch. After all, there was a lot that could be learned in hell and even more in travels.
“Have you been working on breathing exercises, as I requested?” he started, toeing the line of her circle. It was hers and hers alone, he could not cross it without her permission. He had tried, once, when she wasn’t there and it had thrown him back into a tree. It was a fun lesson to learn, although he doubted fun was the word most would have chosen.
Rebecca glared at him before taking a deep breath and offering a hand, pulling into into the circle and feeling it close back up around them. It was in that moment she realized she could keep him there, trapped, if she so chose. It was an enticing idea and definitely one she would remember for when she decided he had played his games long enough.
“Do you really think I have time for that? I have children and numbered days very quickly drawing to a close. Or have you forgotten that you’re spending your nights with a damned woman?”
Of course he had not forgotten, but her tone and hardness drew a laugh from him as he sat across from her. “Now, now, it is imperative that you learn your base levels in all things,” he soothed, never one to take offense to her moods.
That didn’t do much to lessen the sourness in her expression as she crossed her arms and stared him down, refusing to be the first to blink. “My base level is anger. Can we move along with this lesson, hmm?”
Another chuckle as he shook his head, allowing her the small victory when he broke eye contact. Her patience seemed thinner tonight, her attitude and discomfort growing recently. Thomas went to speak, opened his mouth and started to form words but stopped abruptly, a curious look crossing his face.
“Rebecca, dear one, are you with child?” It would explain a lot, really. The increased irritability and the tired look about her. Her clothing wasn’t as loose as it was a mere month or so ago either. Although he figured the question would be met with hostility and a reminder that her babies were not his concern.
“Is it that obvious?” The anger had dissipated at the question and she drew her knees to her stomach, a protective gesture. Her husband, if he could be called that, had failed to notice and she spent a great deal more time with the man than she did Thomas.
“No, I should think not. But I pay attention to things.” And he had watched her from the shadows for years, her entire life really, and had seen how she had been in both of her previous pregnancies. “You do not seem as happy as one would expect a mother to be.”
It was her turn to laugh, the sound broken and bitter, laced with self loathing. “How can I possibly be happy? None of them will ever really know me as their mother. This child likely won’t remember me at all.” It was a lot to cope with and that feeling of loss had been growing stronger as the days passed. What kind of mother was she? Knowing she was going to leave her children behind and never see them grow. It made her wish, not for the first time, that she had never bore Robert or Edmund and that baby in her belly did not exist either.
He nodded, the answer making sense. He knew the feeling, better than she thought he might. This, well, it was the only relationship he would ever have with either of his children. But there was no way to tell her, not when she had so much going on already. No. After she passed, perhaps, when they crossed paths again down the road. Maybe then he’d tell her.
For now, however, he merely reached out to offer a comforting touch, his fingers giving her hand a slight squeeze before he was pulling back. “Be that as it may, we really ought not venture deeper into things until after the child is brought into this world.”
Rebecca’s anger flared immediately at the suggestion, the symbols burned into the ground smoldering. “No! I don’t have the time to wait for this child. Three winters, Thomas. That is all the time I have left. I will not squander that time just because I am with child. No harm has come yet.”
She had a point, but he knew the deeper they got into things, the more it affected her, wore her down. She was pushing herself to the depths of her limits, going so far as to collapse on a few occasions. He was surprised she hadn’t lost the child she was carrying from that alone.
But, as it were, he had also learned that arguing with her did little good. One way or another, she was going to keep pushing. There was nothing he could do to stop that. At least if he’s there, guiding her and watching over her, he can intervene. He can keep her from hurting herself or the life she was growing.
“Fine. But we’re starting at basics for the night. Working on your control versus stretching your ability.” It was the best compromise he could think of and he hoped she took it. Hoped it was enough to keep her from pushing too much too fast again. Their last meeting had left her barely breathing and unable to stand and carrying her back to her home had not been smart or easy.
“Fine,” she mirrored, a growl in her tone as she moved into a more comfortable position. He always made her do these smaller bits for, easing into things instead of letting her dive into the heavier magics. She knew there was good reason for it, that she often bit off more than she could chew, but it was hard not to.
Her eyes closed as she forced herself to exhale slowly, the wind cool against her skin as she focused on that. A deep breath in, feeling that chill, holding it until her chest burned with the need to exhale before letting it go. The next intake she focus on heat, the warmth of her own skin, the burn of slow building energy, and she pulled it into herself. The rush of warmth that licked over her skin like the heat of fire was a comfort, a reminder of what she could do and where she felt the most at ease.
Thomas was quiet as he watched her, marveling in the way the magic made her glow as if lit from within by fires only they could see. It was simple, pure energy in the most gentle of forms until she buried her hands in the ground and the the circle itself burst into flame.
“That is not what you were meant to be doing at the moment, Rebecca.” Despite the words, Thomas could not hide the astonishment at it. It had seemed so effortless for her to do, a quick touch and then they were engulfed in flame that warmed without burning skin or singing hair. But it was a beacon as well, something that could easily signal what it was they were out there doing.
When her eyes opened, the blue was consumed by the colors of the flames, dancing fiery oranges and reds. That was unexpected.
She didn’t speak, choosing instead to sweep her hands out, the flames lowering but not dying out. “I am not playing child’s games, Thomas. Either teach me something worth learning or let me see what I can do on my own.”
“And if you choose to push yourself too hard, again, you could lose that baby,” he shot back, refusing to back down on this. “For love of god, Rebecca, is that what you want? One more regret to add to your ever growing list?”
She went to speak, to argue, but he held up a hand, silencing her if only for a moment.
“You may try to argue, but I can see it in your eyes. So much regret and self loathing, my dear one. I know it is not easy to walk away from your children, to know you will leave them, but all parents leave their children. Your own mother passed in the process of trying to bring life into this world. Is that your goal, little one? To go out that way so you don’t have to face your choices head on?”
His words struck a nerve, the flames flaring once more as she stood, hands curled into fists at her sides, fingers twisted in fabric for something to grip. “You know nothing of me,” she snarled, taking a step forward, closing the distance between them. “Do not think you do.”
“But I do. I know you very well, Rebecca. I’ve known many others like you. Children making deals to save others only to regret it as they grow closer to upholding their ends.” There was no blame in his tone, he found what she had done to be something rather admirable. But he knew regret, had felt it himself over so many years.
“I regret nothing of my deal. I would make it again and again and again,” she corrected, glaring up at him with eyes so like his own. It was a wonder she didn’t notice, but he assumed it was because she didn’t want to see what was right in front of her face. “The only thing I regret is bringing babies into this world that I cannot protect. So you are going to teach me everything you know so that I can find some way to keep them safe after I am gone from them.”
That brought everything into a deeper clarity than he had been anticipating. His own defensiveness melting away as he reached out and gripped her shoulders, feeling the way she trembled with something between rage and true fear.
“There is nothing in this world or the next that I can teach you that would ensure their safety, Rebecca. Not without taking away their ability to choose their own lives for themselves. Is that something you would be willing to trade? Their freedom of choice, of growth and discovery for some preconceived notion of safety?”
“You’re lying!” There was a desperation as she reached out to shove him, putting as much force in that one gesture as she could muster. The flame hit his back but they didn’t burn him, not yet. It was a warning more than anything, a way to force truth from his lips. “There has to be something, anything to keep them protected! I will not let them end up with my fate, Thomas!”
When she went to shove him again, his fingers circled her wrists and he tugged her to him, wrapping arms around her to keep her from hurting either one of them in her distress. “I wish I was lying, Rebecca. If there was a way, I would have found it for my own children,” he countered, holding her tightly as she screamed and beat against him until that fear and rage gave way to sobs.
It broke his heart to know he could not protect her but seeing her like this was worse. He hadn’t thought that possible, but watching his child sob her heart out in fear of her own was not something he had ever wanted to bear witness to.
“I don’t want to leave my children,” she finally whimpered, her voice hoarse from the screaming cries of her breakdown. She had no one else to talk to about this, to confide in. Thomas was all she had, the only port in this storm and the only thing that felt like safety. Even if Rebecca wanted nothing more than to hate him in that moment, she knew he was right, that he had been telling the truth. And the truth was needed more than any comforting lie ever could be.
“I know, little one, I know. No parent ever does,” he murmured, fingers combing through her hair as he held her still. He knew he should let go, have her close the circle and head for home, but the selfish part of him needed this moment. Needed a chance to actually be her father for once. “But they will remember the love you gave them and the lessons you taught them before that time expired. Your story will unfold as will theirs and, perhaps, some day those threads will cross again. Maybe not with them or their children, but their children’s children or further down the lines.”
She sniffled, fingers trembling as she sough to wipe her face dry, the tears having run dry while he spoke. “How can you be so sure?” She needed reassurance, to have someone tell her everything would be okay and she gazed up at him with such loss and hopelessness. How could he possibly not give her that comfort?
“Because, all things come clear in time. All things come back to their source. The rain returns to the river, the river returns to the sea. So too will your blood return to you.” He sealed the promise with a gentle press of lips to her forehead before he moved away, giving her a little bit of distance. “I think we are out of time for tonight. Close your circle, Rebecca. We can meet again in three nights time.”
The loss of touch left her feeling cold and shaky despite the still flickering flames, but Rebecca nodded and focused on pulling that energy back in before releasing it into the ground. The loss of it always made her feel dizzy and she sat slowly, focusing on her breathing like Thomas had taught her, grounding herself until the world stopped spinning.
“Three nights. Do you give your word?”
“I give you my word, little one. Three nights.”
With one last nod, she stood and brushed the dirt and char from her clothing before heading back towards home, one last glance at him over her shoulder and she was gone, fading into the night as he turned and headed in the opposite direction.