The “you aren’t a lesbian if you like fictional men/male celebrities” discourse is shit, why don’t we move on?
NOTE: These are all my personal opinions and takes from my own personal experiences as a lesbian who has been and is still a victim of comphet
This post might read more of a rant rather than an objective or level-headed take on the never ending discourse of the definition of lesbianism, and I know everyone is tired of seeing the same arguments over and over (so am I); but I still want to give my take on it.
If you guys have read my Loneliness & Lesbianism post, you’ll already have known that I’m still somewhat a baby lesbian- only having realized I’m part of the community early last year and because of how I grew up, I also struggled with comphet. I haven’t been in lesbian spaces as long as others have been so this is maybe just my second time seeing this discourse, but from the posts I’ve read on different social medias, apparently this is a recurring argument.
I first read about it on Reddit where someone made a post asking about lesbians being obsessed with fictional men or having crushes on them. The comments were quick to hop on and call them fake lesbians or “fakebians,” saying that a fictional man still represents a man therefore the lesbians who have crushes on these characters are not actually lesbians. Then again, I know Reddit is kind of an odd place so I went to Twitter— the equally odd but more acceptable version of Reddit, and I was shocked to see the same discourse happening over there. Same as with TikTok. I know that these arguments are irrelevant in real life but as someone who doesn’t really have any lesbian friends, I look into online communities as such to see people who have lived similar experiences as me; so unfortunately, reading the rather harsh comments and replies to posts of the topic did make me doubt myself.
However, I disagree with the sentiment that a woman who identifies as a lesbian isn’t a lesbian if they are attracted to a fictional man or a celebrity.
There are multiple reasons as to why a lesbian may like a male character but as I can’t speak for everyone, I will be talking about my own experiences. The very first male character I was “obsessed” with was Kovu from Lion King 2. I know… but walk with me here, maybe jog a little. I was 7 or 8 years old. The next one was Dean Winchester from Supernatural. I was about 9 or 10. Obviously, during this time, I still didn’t know that I liked girls because I was raised in a Catholic and heteronormative community and all I knew was “girls are for boys, and boys are for girls.” This has been ingrained in my brain since I was a kid and unfortunately unlearning stuff you grew up with is quite hard.
When I was bisexual, I was hyperfixated on Kaeya Alberich from Genshin Impact, then years later it was Suguru Geto from Jujutsu Kaisen, then Leo Valdez from Heroes of Olympus. Obviously, during this time, I believed I liked men so I viewed them “romantically.” I still do really like these characters, however, the discourse made me reflect and look back at the times I was so obsessed with them.
In my case, I liked these characters not because they were men but because I could see them as not men. I know that’s a bit confusing but let me elaborate:
These three were the characters I was most “obsessed” with BOTH visual and personality wise. (no, I’m not a furry.) While yes, they are portrayed as men canonically, they lay right in the middle of the scale of masculinity and femininity— sometimes even leaning into the feminine side more. Not to mention, fanartists often depicted them as feminine (except for Kovu. I was a kid, I didn’t consume any other media of him aside from rewatching the movie multiple times); and something about them looking like a girl yet having a masculine(?) personality scratched an itch in my brain. During the times that I was hyperfixated on them, I didn’t really see them as men, but rather just as Kaeya, Suguru, and Kovu. Just like Ken dolls in a way, if you get what I mean.
Now, moving on to Leo and Dean, the outliers looks wise:
Amongst all fictional characters I liked, they’re the two that look most like a man to me. However, I found that what attracted me to them was their vibe and personality— matter of fact, all the characters I had put here have similar personalities. But as I sat with these characters and really visualized and reminded myself that they are men, I wasn’t as attracted anymore because they ARE men. Like I said earlier, I see them as just the characters and not as men.
It’s a bit hard to explain, and I know this might seem like a bunch of nonsense but I do hope you guys are picking up what I’m trying to say.
For Dean and Leo specifically, I find that their masculinity is what I would like to see on a woman. That’s why I like them so much; if you genderbend them or (in my preference) imagine them as butches, it makes them extremely attractive for me, and that’s why I like them. For the other three I mentioned earlier, I like them as is because as I said, they already look like women. I am attracted to masculinity, not men. Not to mention, since they’re fictional, we get a lot more freedom with them— which is why I can imagine them as a woman because they DO NOT exist.
Another reason as to why I love these characters so much is because personally my type in women is rarely portrayed in media. Be it animated films or films with actual actors. The big strong butch— masculine, chivalrous, a bit rough around the edges, yet gentle and soft like the characters below.
It’s hard for me to find female characters like them because women in media are either portrayed as a fem or an “I’m not like other girls” type or an Ellie William masc (I like Ellie chat dont kill me.) (also this is a generalization). There is simply just a lack of butch representation in media so I cling onto male characters who I can see butch potential in. I should also state that the male characters I’ve mentioned are characters I’ve liked for YEARS, so I will acknowledge that there is some sort of emotional attachment here.
TW// MENTION OF SA, HYPERSEXUALITY, NSFW TOPICS
The main argument now would be about sexual attraction.
Now for this part, I will only be referring to Kaeya and Geto since it’s not applicable to the others. Am I sexually attracted to them? No. Have I read NSFW fics and looked at NSFW fanart of them? Yes. Did I get off on reading those? Sometimes, yes. However, I must remind you, this was during the time that I thought I liked men. I’ll get a bit vulnerable here; I’m someone who suffers from hypersexuality due to trauma from SA when I was a kid. Unfortunately, I used fics of them to cope and process by “reliving” the trauma/doing it “right” through reading about sleeping with male characters like them.
I repeat, I am NOT sexually attracted to them because reading fics like that was a move I made to satisfy the itch my body has. I no longer read NSFW fanfics of them but since before, I’ve found that I liked the fics that simply really showed their personality and their possible dynamics with the reader in a SFW setting rather than in smut.
When I realized I was a lesbian, I obviously became more aware that these characters are men and the realization that I did not like men, made the romantic and sexual fanfictions of them become less appealing.
Now on the topic of male celebrities, I was honestly not very big on them but I did love kpop. Specifically TXT, BTS, and Seventeen.
I’m a performer so my attraction to them came from a place of admiration. They have good music, amazing performances, and entertaining shows/videos. I’m not blind so I can acknowledge when someone is both attractive and talented but just because I do find them attractive, doesn’t mean I am romantically attracted to them.
Sure, I also read fics but mind you, I was 10-13, so it really is just part of the fandom experience. I didn’t really want to date them. I just found them pretty and admired their artistry. Not to mention, the group dynamics were really fun to watch too.
Just because I liked these men does not mean I like men. Lesbians CAN like and be attracted to fictional men or celebrities because attraction does not only come in the romantic form; and if you’re someone like me who grew up being told that girls should like guys, who doesn’t know out what romantic attraction feels like outside of a hetero perspective, it could be really confusing and hard to distinguish these feelings from each other. I have never liked a guy romantically in real life and I don’t think I ever will because the idea alone makes my skin crawl. Don’t try to pull the fictional=reality argument because it does not work like that!!! The appeal on fictional characters (imo) is that they are fictional and I can turn them into women, I rest my case.
and if there are other baby lesbians like me who have been seeing the discourse and is having doubts, dw you’re still a lesbian even if gold star lesbian user93864672 tells you that you’re not just because you like a twink from some anime!!
