“ YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU RIGHT ?? ” it feels weird to say it , not because he doesn’t say it enough ( although perhaps he doesn’t ) , and definitely not because he doesn’t feel it .
HE HAS FELT PAIN AND ANGER SO MUCH SO that it had spurned who he became . but this feeling , the sensation from where his words had been bred , awoke from some desolate place he hadn’t known had existed until now . it was like a light switch turned on from an attic with a key and a lock that had long since been hidden . a door beneath a hatch covered by a strange panel of uneven wood . there but not . existing but laid to rest .
HIS HANDS FIND THE SPACE BETWEEN THEM , bodies set uncomfortably apart by the gear shift and two cup holders . her fingers are cold against his own heat as he entwines his fingers with hers . but having been sat in something so deep in thought , blood pumping anxiously under the seem of his skin , such heat did not surprise him . she , all the while , sat quiet in the cold of his car ; unknowing and unaware .
“ IT’S NOT SOMETHING NEW , that’s not what i’m trying to say . it’s just that i’ve known for a while , before i said anything , you know ?? and ... well i guess what i’m trying to say is ... ” but he wasn’t trying to say anything . sure there was doubt that plagued him , but no more than normal . he spoke out of necessity , like if he had waited just a minute more , the moment would have passed , leaving him only with a sense of regret that he’d never be able to place . so maybe this was what it was , the big ‘ L ’ word . speaking words born out of seemingly nothing , only to leave the thought hanging loose in the air .
IN RESIGNATION , the young man brings his hand back to the lever , pushing the car into gear . an engine roars lightly as lights cut through the night . “ Looks like another dead end . time to call it a night . ”