#ofts images

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Mew dressed like Ray and Ray dressed like Sand

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Ray: "I only drink when I'm stressed. You wouldn't understand."

Sand: *holds down multiple jobs trying to make ends meet, trying to pay back his mom's debt, is also a student*

Ray: "Like, look at my father. He's always fussing over me."

Sand: *doesn't have a father, takes care of his mother more than she takes care of him*

[ranchthoughts]

Moments of ephemerality/permanence/YOLO/photography/voyeurism/control/accountability etc. in Only Friends ep. 8

of course, where we've been so far

there's been a lot of good meta on many of the topics below over this weekend but I'm not going to link them here - they will of course be in the weekly meta round-ups I make on Fridays

Ownership and control

Over and over this episode we had characters saying what they thought characters should do with their life - mostly Cheum and Top worried about Mew, but also of course Ray with Sand. However, we also had characters push back against the idea that people were owed an opinion or control over other people's choices - April tells Cheum that just because she is Mew's friend doesn't mean she has control over his life, Mew tells Top that his soberness is not Top's concern nor purview, especially given they aren't even together.

Other examples:

Dan, Nick's boss, texting him to say "don't get too drunk"

Ray telling Sand "You like me, you love me, you can't walk away from me. You're mine no matter what," Ray not allowing Sand to kiss or flirt with other people despite the fact that he is dating Mew

Boston hesitating to spend time with/hook up with Atom because Cheum doesn't approve

Boundary pushing and crossing

In the same vein: times boundaries/lines were pushed or crossed this episode:

Speaking about Mew to Sand, Ray says "at least he let me cross the friend zone line" (brings to mind the distinctions Sand tried to draw between fwb, friends, and partners)

Sand didn't reply to Ray's messages so Ray finds him at the university

Ray doesn't take Sand's no for an answer when he's trying to get Sand to join him in his community service

The job Dan offers to Nick involves a lot of overtime, and Dan is definitely interested in Nick as more than a (subordinate) coworker, he also texts Nick at the party telling him not to drink too much

Nick was blocked by Boston but he shows up to the party to talk to him

Sand and Nick made a pact to move on but they have broken their own promise by being at the party

Ray interrupting Sand's moment with the other Freddie Mercury guy at the party, asking if Sand slept with him, Ray inserting himself into the conversation and proposing a threesome

Ray kissing Sand without consent

Top undressing Mew after the party then climbing into bed to cuddle him while he sleeps

Boston taking Atom home even though he knows Cheum will be mad

Boundary setting

A few instances of, for lack of a better word, "boundary setting" I wanted to note too:

April reminding Cheum that Mew is a grown adult who can make his own decisions

Sand pushes back against Ray quite a bit this episode - e.g. telling him to leave him alone, refusing to go do Ray's community service with him (though he did seem to be worn down a bit at the end of that conversation, etc.)

Boston shuts down Nick when he approaches him at the party and rejects the idea that Nick is blameless/hasn't done bad things as well

Mew refuses to kiss Ray in private (which of course sets up the incredible moment of Mew kissing Ray in front of everyone to make Top jealous)

Mew repeatedly affirming it is his choice to do what he wants and other people are not involved/should not have opinions on what he chooses to do

Freedom

I also noticed "freedom" mentioned a couple of times this episode this episode:

Boston tells Atom a relationship needs trust and freedom

Mew says he has more freedom without Top in his life

And you could contrast this with the above times people were controlled/people tried to control other people (e.g. Top and Cheum getting involved in Mew's life, Ray stopping Sand from kissing others, etc.).

Accountability and responsibility

Continuing on our discussion of accountability and responsibility of the last two weeks:

Top says he doesn't want Mew to "mess up his whole life because of me" - he envisions Mew's recent lifestyle changes to have lasting consequences

Ray seems quite chill when talking about the community service he has to do (his main concern seems to be that it is boring), and he does drugs at the party despite that being risky given he was just arrested for drunk driving

Sand says he accompanied Nick to the party because he feels bad for how he hurt Nick

Cheum lays into Ray for doing drugs at the party; he tells her to "loosen up" and she tells him to "learn some responsibility" and reminds him multiple times that he is bound to get jail time if caught with drugs right after his other arrest

the friend group getting in trouble/visited by the cops because their party is too loud and they didn't file for permission for it

Boredom

After @waitmyturtles comments last week I was very attuned to any mention of boredom in this week's episode

Ray says the community service he has to do is boring

Mew says he is bored of himself, he thinks he is too plain (and this is why he is trying out a new lifestyle)

Ephemerality vs. permanence

Just a couple of the things I noticed this episode that didn't fit anywhere else in this write up:

Yo and Plug breaking up, Yo unable to commit to the relationship in the way that Plug wanted because she has been let down so much in the past (relationships have not lasted, people have not stuck around) - scared and saddened by the ephemerality of life she deliberately chooses ephemerality now to save herself heartache

Boston staring at a picture of him and Nick on the dock - permanent record of their time together, despite Boston saying he doesn't like photos taken of himself with partners, we saw this photo meant something to Nick too (he excitedly showed it off to Sand)

hi ephemerality squad: @chickenstrangers, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @distant-screaming, @lurkingshan, @neuroticbookworm, @rocketturtle4, @slayerkitty, @thatgirl4815, @twig-tea, @waitmyturtles, @wen-kexing-apologist

[ranchthoughts]

WOOP...

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It's the ForceBook brand

inspired by @justafriend-ql's tags here

[ranchthoughts]

thinking about Boston and how manipulative he is - a study of episode 3 part 1

I had chills watching Boston talk to Nick at the beginning of this episode and I wanted to break down a little why.

Boston says: "We did promote our status though. [...] We might want to push it farther in the near future."

In other words: Stop worrying about our relationship and arrangement. I have kissed you sweetly and called you my favourite, making it totally reasonable that you would think I do care for you and want to be "more" (boyfriends) with you. You can trust what I say and what I do are in your best interests because I've been signalling I care about you and I am invested in this relationship and a future just like you are. I will hold this possibility of a nebulous "more" over your head like a carrot on a string, anything to get you to hang around.

Boston says: "Are you mad? Don't be."

In other words: Your feelings don't make sense. Listen to me, I'm right.

Boston says: "You told me you hated drama too. Who said no problem?"

In other words: You are the reason our relationship is structured this way, even though I'm the one who pushed the no drama no strings mentality from the beginning. You said you were fine with it - though I didn't really give you an option not to be fine with it. If you are unhappy now, it's your fault. You are being dramatic and unreasonable by having concerns, emotions, and needs and sharing them with me.

Boston says: "We might want to push it farther in the near future [...] you just need to wait and see."

In other words: I'm not going to give you a timeline or any specifics because I am not going to follow through with this. I'm just saying what I think I need to say to get you to stick around. You are delusional for reading into my words and actions (sweet kisses, calling you my favourite) and coming to the logical conclusion that I care for you. Your requests for clarity are unreasonable. You need to stop asking questions, be patient and let me lead. Just take what I am giving to you and be satisfied with that.

Boston says: "As long as you stay lovely like this, we're fine."

In other words: As long as you continue listening to me and letting me direct our relationship without questioning me, this can continue. Don't be too clingy or too pushy, don't bring up concerns or your feelings, or else I will end this. If things fall apart, and you get hurt, it is your fault.

Boston has twisted the facts to claim it is Nick who wanted the relationship structured this way (with "no drama"). Boston has set up a situation where Nick's feelings, concerns, and interpretations of the situation are baseless and unreasonable, a dynamic where the very act of Nick sharing these things can be grounds to end their arrangement. In doing so, he has placed all blame for the future failure of the relationship or Nick's hurt feelings squarely on Nick's own shoulders.

I am thinking of @shouldiusemyname's post about how Nick would have been fine accepting his status as a fuck buddy, but Boston thinks that sex requires manipulation and was taught that everyone will catch feelings and so to get them to stick around you have to tantalize partners with the promise of "more". I am also thinking of @syrena-del-mar 's post about Boston the Machiavellian prince, and how Boston seeks out power over other people - he knows what techniques and threats to employ to exert control over Nick and their relationship, and his ego is soothed by the influence and leverage he has over Nick.

[ranchthoughts]

hi Boston... projecting much?

projecting much??

PROJECTING MUCH???

like... damn dude he might have just been asking for curiosity's sake