#ohwaitthatsme

[shots2thesky]

Then I looked back and asked.. WHO TF IS IN MY BED?! And realized it was my reflection #whotfareyou #ohwaitthatsme#dayumsonwheredyoufindthis #number9extrathiqq#bleh

[awinfr1]

Scenes from #creekwalk featuring #eastbaymudd #concert #summer17 #summerfun #ilovemytown #besties #heywhosthathottie #ohwaitthatsme Lol. (at Andrews Park)

[lise-thethinker]

Good times… "Retard run - corpse launch #retardrun #corpselaunch #getrekt #ohwaitthatsme"

[epcohn]

Today's Prompt: That Beast You Made Me Get

Dear Corey,

I don't know why you made me get this dog.  You found her picture online, when you were wasting time at work, procrastinating by scrolling through myriad sad canine mugshots instead of being effective.  And you decided then and there that it would be such a great idea to bring a dog into our life, as a holiday gift for the children, you said, because think of the joy we'll bring into their poor petless lives.  (So what if they had fish.  Fish are lame pets for people who aren't really pet people.)  And so in a matter of days you had called the shelter in Tennessee, of all places, and talked the guy into sending her up to this godforsaken snow-choked northern land where she would have to limp along on walks because her paw pads get frozen.  But really he was selling you - I saw it as you talked to him on the phone and your face melted at his description of the dog as an "old soul." (He has to say that.  He has three hundred dogs yapping away and crapping in cages behind him and he's got to move them out, come hell or high water.  You're such a sucker!)

Then she arrived. And two days later you promptly left for CHILE.  We're not talking a little short jaunt overnight to a conference or something, this was a WEEK in the farthest reaches of the earth, a continent away.  And I was stuck here with an animal I hardly knew, taking her out at all hours and enduring single-digit temperatures while you texted me pictures of yourself at the beach getting a sunburn.  It was cruel.

Your dog may be an old soul, but it's an old soul wrapped in a pretty young package.  Your dog chooses to pee on the rug from time to time to register her displeasure at not having been out in the past few hours.  Your dog strains at the leash and coughs a choking, manic bark when she even gets a whiff of another canine within a mile's distance.  Your dog sticks her terrier snout everywhere: in the food I'm preparing, under my wrists as I type, into my cheek at the edge of the bed.  She is a beast who sheds wiry hairs in a matted film along the edge of sofas and beds, onto the soles of every single sock, and into every drink I consume.  Her wet beard leaves soaked splotches on my pants, which she licks when I dare not pay attention to her.  Your dog is short on manners, but long on charm.

The next time you come at me with this sort of a whim, I just might think twice about going along with it.  But probably not.

love,

Erin

[theandrogynouslesbianman]

House-husband? Sure. #gramps #domestic #realmenwearaprons #whatscookinggoodlooking #ohwaitthatsme