“ you did everything you could. ” / paul
@maidiin
WRACKED WITH GRIEF, i feel like i can’t breathe. the heaven and earth have cursed me to feel this agony that rips my heart straight from my chest and bear it in my hand for all to see. i did everything i could. she’s right. it just WASN’T ENOUGH. with one dead brother all i can do is weep in a ball curled into a corner. my entire chest heaving with sobs i can’t comprehend how to stop.
everything hurts. it all burns. my eyes, my head, my HEART. how am i supposed to stand between two warring sides when all they want is to decimate the other? i tried and tried until i couldn’t anymore. nothing i did worked. nothing i said MATTERED. maggie is here. i can hear her voice even if its muddled and fading as if going through a wind tunnel.
all i can imagine and see is john’s face the last time i saw him. those blue eyes that match my own, dark and sinister. oh how i wanted to save him even when i knew it was all but impossible. when i look up at her, the tears blurring my vision i don’t know what to say. when i try, i choke. there’s nothing that can be said to make this situation so i bury my head back into my knees and wail with all the grief that my heart contains.
sob until it HURTS because it’s what i deserve for not finding a solution. no one had to die, especially not my baby brother. the man needed help and i failed him. i deserve this agony.