#olivaraofrph

[khadijha]

nataliegate 2023.

firstly, i want to start this by saying this is a safe space if anybody has felt they've been victimized by natalie. this is for any issue - if you're not indigenous, i ask that you don't mention the indigenous issues! this entire thing has opened up all the things that you guys have experienced related to her and i think it's only fair for you to have your peace, as well. in saying that, just know this entire thing stemmed from natalie claiming she was indigenous since around 2016 (i believe) and should remain the main issue (i.e. not starting a discussion within the tags and sending anons all over about anything other than the main issue). but with this, she has now deactivated her blog and left the rpc, so please feel free to come to me and discuss how she's hurt you - because chances are i've had similar issues!

i just want to say what i need to say and i want you all to know natalie was my real friend (i thought). we followed each other on all real-life social media, besides fb, i felt we built an indigenous community together, and she was somebody i felt i could go to if there was ever an issue. this isn't rpc drama, this has affected me personally. i'm unsure if any other indigenous people have had a close relationship with her, as well, but for me, she was the first one i ever had. ever. in real life or online. this feels like a real friendship has ended and i'm doing what i can to move on.

natalie was the first indigenous friend i remember making on this blog. i've been on this specific blog for 6 years, i believe, and ever since i can remember, she has not only been a staple in the indigenous rpc but also the first person i remember connecting with on that level. a brief overview of our friendship goes from being mutuals, not necessarily talking very often, to then talking all the time (for most of the years), creating an indigenous people's server together, speaking about issues within rps that we've approached and talked with and rps that have been continuously problematic and we've had to post publicly.

we've talked about our culture, being white passing, reconnecting, issues within the rpc (and world, frankly) related to indigeneity, and all of our struggles. then we simply drifted off a bit in relation to speaking all the time - i'm unsure of what was going on in natalie's life these past few months, as i had taken a subconscious step back from the rpc to deal with my own life, sometimes make gifs, and speak to my commissions people. then, this entire thing came out and i reached out to natalie privately. up front, i will say of course i don't condone what has been done. we will no longer be friends (though i'm sure she made that decision first) and i will not accept any form of "but what if's" about the situation or her.

in reaching out, i asked if she was okay. i will not be posting screenshots as of now. she explained, in short, that she didn't know what was happening, she was blind-sighted, and was taking time to breathe, in a sense. from the beginning of my messages to her, i told her that only she "knows" one way or another what's true. if she's indigenous, then she has the information she needs to "prove" she's indigenous (which is a horrible way to say it but at that point in time, it was what it was) and told her even i don't know what to make of the situation.

she did not give me any explanation, a long message, or "proof"* for me to have her back, help her, and stand by her side. the few messages i got from her back were saying she blocked tumblr (then unblocked to speak to nikki @nikkiitalks - sending a 23 screenshot long message) and then reblock it. she ended up later on, unprompted, sending me copy/paste messages she was also sending lauren @tifffanyvalentine, even when we did not ask for information, or say the same things as each other. it was continuous copy/paste.

*when i speak about "proof" - always put in quotations because i don't mean it in the colonizer way of "if you're not x% you're not indigenous" but more so when speaking to her i asked for "something" for me to back her up. i meant more so specifics, like something that isn't just "my grandmother said", if that makes sense. because i'd undoubtedly believed her fully until this and her not speaking to me through this entire thing (somebody i thought would come to me), or saying anything other than "i can't believe this is happening" is not entirely convincing. i'm sure other indigenous people would react in different ways, but through talking with some in the rpc, we were all able to speak about things in a way that would completely eradicate the argument those other blogs (the ones that posted screenshots of natalie's life) tried to make. i didn't mean harm in "proving" anything, simply to give some reassurance!

the last message she sent me (and lauren) is as follows: "i've deactivated my blog for my mental health, left indigenousrph before doing so so hopefully that doesn't disappear, but you and ari (who i will be letting know) will have full control on what you want to do about it. i will probably be taking a break from discord as well, if i ever even decide to re-join discord. deactivating is something i've been thinking of since yesterday, and it is fully my choice i went with. i am sorry."

my reply to this was long, i'll spare this already extensive post, and stated that i asked her why she didn't come to me? if she "knows" she's indigenous, why didn't she just send ME information* that helps me to back her up? what was the issue? i didn't understand why she did what she did (not letting me / other indigenous peoples help her) when it could've been avoided altogether. i sent that at 5:27pm yesterday and have not received a reply.

*please check aforementioned paragraph about "proof" as this is the "information" i meant.

natalie had continuously made me uncomfortable, but not scared. i did not get the brunt of what she's done, as i've seen other people posting about her, but do understand the feeling. i'm a member of indigenousrph and the first time i decided to answer a post - this post - about can we use pretendians if we use them as their real ethnicity? i posted it. she messaged me on discord asking if she can add on. which then she did. her message contradicts mine. i'm of the mind: this is rp. unless somebody is an actual racist, abuser, etc. they're fine. even booboo stewart being played as an asian man, that's okay with me. but she had to be the voice for the indigenous, she would not allow me to have my own.

or if an opinion i made in the indigenous server we had did not match up to her standards, she would publicly disagree and then come to me in private. we've had "arguments" before. nothing vicious, but she made it well known what she believed (made it seem like it was fact) and that i should be the one to change my mind. i always had to placate her, to appease her. and not for nothing, she stated she started reconnecting after high school (or college?) unsure of the date. i've been reconnecting since i was 14/15. i'm 27, about to be 28 in november. i'm not saying i "know more" i'm saying i have more experience living as an indigenous person, period.

i have uplifted her, supported her, listened to her, and helped her through many things. and she has done the same to me. this is not an rpc issue - this is an issue that happened in the rpc. this hurt is real. i lost a friend. i trusted somebody who had been lying the entire time about something that is one of the most important things in my life. my identity, our identity. i hope this isn't something you see and the take away is "don't believe indigenous people" or "always question indigenous people" or not take us seriously when we speak, answer questions, write guides, or call anti-indigenous things out. this is a one in a million thing that happened, please remember that.

this is almost the end! i wanted to thank the ally's that came to me directly, privately, to show their support without taking away from the issue. @madelyncilne (el, my bestest friend of all time, you know how i feel), @dinadenoires (taylor, you're such an amazing person you don't even know the support you give to me, especially during this time), drea (who is no longer in the rpc, but whom i've become very close with and think of her as a friend i can turn to when i need to, has been backing me up since this whole thing started), @maidavika (serre, you've been updated on this entire thing and no matter what i said, you couldn't believe this was actually happening - you were validating me and supporting me throughout), @silverduckie (katie, you were the very first non-indigenous person to reach out to me and ensure i was doing okay when you didn't have to and i thank you immensely), @katherine-mcnamara (dev, even though you were thrown into this, you've shown nothing but kindness to me and to the indigenous community consistently), @rey1x1 (rey, i thank you for checking in when i was leaving servers, even though i didn't think anybody would notice, and for your compassion offered to me), @gordonramsei (emily, even when you had your own "drama" going on, you still were able to come ask me how i was doing).

i wanted to give this space to the indigenous people who have banded together during this time (specifically to me, i know there's others out there!) @ladysgodiva (rosie, for being my ride or die, my cousin, my rez dog when needed, i can always turn to you for the laughs and to say the hard things that need to be said), @tifffanyvalentine (lauren, you have no idea how much i love you dude, we've bonded so much and shared so many real experiences together), @quietanarchy (beau, loving that you're so straightforward and are able to be so open about your own experience and lift us all up), @nikkiitalks (nikki, i've always thought of you as a mother figure - not because you're OLD! but because that's the kind of comforting energy you bring, especially towards me whether you know it or not), @heartbsl (tk, for being an honorary indian member even though you're kānaka maoli, you know exactly what we're going through and have been nothing short of amazing this entire time).

thank you all for checking in. i won't apologize that this is long because it's what i needed to say, but thank you for taking the time and for standing with indigenous peoples.

[rey1x1]

may:

both sides of her pillow always be warm

her streaming services always buffer at the best parts

may her socks be twisted just the slightest bit, enough to be uncomfortable

[twiggyrps]

I’m probably not going to answer any anons about it but I also won’t stay silent. In this online community all we have are our words and voices, and as some who is Native, I’ve had none silenced too often. But these are my words and my voice, not the one of a community, as no one can speak for a whole.

It often saddened me that I stayed out of native spaces in the RPC and there is a reason for that: Natalie. She has been abrasive and forceful, even among other Natives. She has talked for all Native communities for so long that not following her lead has often been seen as being lesser native. Not engaging in her campaign against others, at times other natives that were deemed to be lying or not in touch with their culture since they didn’t agree with her views, it left a bad taste in my mouth. In this community, she was seen as the authority on everything native, and even enforced blood quantum in her beginning, pushing out Natives that were not Natives enough out of spaces she was forging for her community. Because it was her community and not a Native community that she was building. Disagreeing with Natalie meant being ostracized and there were no gray areas when it came to others, something she allowed for herself. I have seen other Natives be pushed out slowly for not following the unspoken and ever changing rules of her circle. I have seen her speak over other Natives and even over other POC and BIPOC, from communities she never belonged to, while shouting at others that they had no rights to speak on certain issues.

Over time, I began to notice things, to see cracks and to doubt, something that weighted heavily on me. Questioning my fellow Natives is not easy but in a world full of pretendian, where people lie about Native constantly because of how hard our heritage can be to prove, provoke some serious soul searching on my part. Was I doubting only because I didn’t agree and saw how much damageable this individual could be or was there something more? And with what has been posted in recent days, I have decided to believe that we have been lied to all these years.

Accepting that fact makes some things easier to see and process. Like how her supposed Native heritage was not often celebrated but majorly weaponized, used against others to shine brighter, to stand out, to accuse others of being anti-native. Because not using her resources, not praising her was that, being anti-native. It was used to bully and harass people, a badge of rightfulness that she used constantly. Everyone else wasn’t doing enough for Natives, and while that is often true, it sounded deeply performative, as diverging opinions from her peers were not well accepted. Even when she publicly defended certain people, called them allied, she would turn against them in private, demand that she be more loved and recognized than them.

I’m hurt that it happened. I’m hurt that she lied about her family and that she went as far as including residential schools in her imaginary ancestry. I’m hurt by her actions and my inaction. But I do not trust her words anymore, I do not believe her to be part of the community she tore apart. She enforced blood quantum in networks and she spoke over everyone. 

My voice is my own only but she saw hers as above all of us. I will not let that stand anymore.

[nikkiitalks]

Just for context, the DM novel she sent me was 23 mobile screenshots long.

[spellscarred]

SUPPORTING @dear-indies

(REF.) With @dear-indies' permission, I am posting this so anyone who wants to support the work they do in the RPC can reblog this post to spread their wishes around.

If anybody has any spare ££ which I know is tight right now so please don’t feel pressured, there’s the MDS foundation, which although I have no experience with the foundation (dw it’s a legitimate 501©3 tax-exempt organization) it has everything I would have liked to have known when my loved one got diagnosed. Donating to any of your local homeless charities and/or mental health support charities would also be cool. Oh, there’s also Age UK which is beyond amazing for the older folks in the UK who are neglected by the government.

Additionally, you can also donate ICHelp as an organisation that pertains to them personally.

They also suggested looking at @olivaraofrph's listed native charities.

[ryanhelps]

so honestly all this has brought to light some of the anxiousness i have around calling myself native.

i’m half-puerto rican; my abuelo is half-nigerian/half-taino, making me 1/16?? taino?? i think?? my abuela is white hispanic from the canary islands.

i was raised by my 100% white mother who did very little to connect me to my nigerian and taino heritage. or even my spanish heritage. i don’t speak spanish. my puero rican father cut us off from that side of my family for reasons i’m still trying to understand.

so am i able to call myself indigenous?? i’ve never really known tbh. i want to learn more, and i’ve researched some about the Arawak people and culture but as someone who grew up poor and is still struggling financially, i’m not able to actually go to Puerto Rico as often as i’d like. so does that make me a bad native?? does that make me not native at all?

i’d really appreciate some insight from the native community. i’ve kept quiet about this side of my heritage on here because honestly natalie intimidated me and i wasn’t sure if i’d even count as native or could call myself native without getting scolded for it. idk.

help please?? if anyone has the spoons. id appreciate it so much. i love learning about native cultures and i follow native tiktok, but i still feel like i’m not doing enough to make the claim for myself. idk asdfghjkl

[pocmuzings]

just wanna say (off anon cause idc) for those talking about booboo stewart again ... if people are looking for an east asian + native male fc in his mid 20s ... there's literally roman zaragoza (24 years old; akimel o'odham, mexican, taiwanese, & japanese). he even also has a sister, raye zaragoza (27 years old) so like don't worry about casting siblings either. and there's a lot of native fcs if you want a native fc and don't care if they're also east asian, check indigenousrph.

( cont’d ) if you can attach onto my previous message because i forgot to say for real clarification ... roman and raye zaragoza also both have resources so really no excuse

thank you thank you THANK YOU ! there are replacement fcs to use instead of booboo and fivel ! there are people dedicated to PROVIDING these resources , so lets listen to them !

[folaevanakingbola]

Gift Exchange 2018 for Natalie

Soooo I’m already working on like 20 faceclaims for you and slowly, slowly, slowly, very slowly making gif packs for them. I’m so slow. I thought like “hey I’m already making gifs for 20 people. I should mix things up and try to think of something different.” Originally, I was gonna ask for more fcs to gif, but like ... I’m slow ... and I’m very slow ... I’m just really, really slow. I wasn’t sure what to do at first, until I remembered how you’re saying that you’re very behind on your Indigenous faceclaim directory and need to get rid of people who are problematic and/or non-Indigenous. I thought it’d be a big surprise to kind of help you out a little.

I decided to edit your directory and make the colors match with your theme! All nice and pink. If you hover over faceclaims, you can see how I outlined them in pink too. Then I decided to delete the people I personally know aren’t Indigenous (and I did a lot of googling to double and triple and quadruple check before I removed them). I also deleted people who I personally know are problematic and gross (Colton Haynes cough cough). 

Along with that, I decided to see how many of them have resources that show up in the tags (I’m sure there’s more that have resources, but we all know how shitty tumblr is being here lately with removing everything from the tags and I was too lazy to check your blog I’m so sorry I got lazy). I created a category called “resources” and included gif icons, rp icons, and gif hunts/packs. I also include “no resources” so people can see who doesn’t have any resources, and if they personally want to help fix that, they can see exactly who needs them! 

I didn’t add any new fcs or anything. I didn’t want to like steal your directory and make it my own because that’s fucking shitty - I’m just trying to do a page makeover for you. I wanted to help you out a little because I know how busy you constantly are with school and life and all your clubs and groups and everything. I thought this would be a little nice thing to do for you, and that maybe seeing it all pretty and updated would help like give you that push to update it even more. 

However, let’s say you don’t want the updated version and just want the pretty colors. I have 3 different versions for you. Version 1 is your original directory but with the coding updates. I did delete problematic fcs from version 1 so that way they won’t be there at all. Version 2 is your directory with the faceclaims I removed. Version 3 is your directory with the faceclaims I removed and the resources category. You can choose whichever version you want!

I’m going to send you the link to the blog where I have the 3 codes so you can do whatever you want with them! I hope you like this because I know you didn’t even mention it ajsdkjflafsa but I was like “hey this would be Big Surprise! She won’t see this coming! Hahahahahahahahaha.”

My other gifts to you are me trying to gif the entirety of Mohawk Girls (except season 3 boooo at aptn removing the show) and stalking your crush on facebook. I’m counting that as a gift ajdskfjas.

@olivaraofrph