Alex notices.
How can she not?
She notices as soon as he rejoins her and Kara and Lena, when he tells them how he left J’onn and Nia behind without a second thought. She notices how he talks, how he moves and carries himself. Yes, Brainy is different, and she wants to ask why- wants to know who did this to him.
But at the same time, there’s a lot going on, and she has to focus. Whatever’s going on with Brainy, however serious it is, can wait, right? And besides, it might be those boxes that he talked about, with him closing off his feelings so he can focus. Alex relates to that; she’s doing it herself.
After everything, they’ll open their boxes together, and Brainy will be himself. They’re gonna be okay.
Except it isn’t that easy. Except afterwards, Brainy and J’onn and Nia come back from their mission, looking drained, and neither J’onn nor Nia is speaking to Brainy.
“We contributed our energy, and stopped the weapon.” Is all any of them is willing to explain. Nobody says anything about his attitude adjustment, and by the time everyone’s gathered for game night (by the time Alex finally gets to kiss Kelly, even though that doesn’t feel nearly as good as it should) Brainy’s sitting alone.
Alex sits next to him, just because, and even lets him win when they play a one-on-one card game once the night starts to wind down. But he’s still acting the same, and after a whole day of seeing him like this- even in a casual setting- Alex can’t take it anymore.
So afterwards, when the wine bottles have been emptied and Nia falls asleep in one of J’onn’s armchairs, Alex ends up practically dragging Brainy home. Not that she has to, but she wants to- she needs to get him by himself, to explain himself and what exactly happened the day before.
“Okay, what’s going on with you?” she says, sitting him down finally. He looks her in the eyes, sitting stiffly on her couch.
“Nothing abnormal, Director Danvers. I am functioning more than adequately. In fact, you may say that I have never performed more efficiently than this.”
“I’m not talking about your performance, Brainy.” Alex says, holding up a hand. “I mean, how are you feeling? You haven’t seemed like yourself today.”
Brainy sniffs.
“Feeling?” he asks. “Irrelevant. That has nothing to do with-“
“Look, you left your friends behind.” Alex answers. “You let J’onn and Nia be captured, and you didn’t do anything to stop it?”
“For the sake of the mission, yes.”
“But…” Alex tries to say something, but she can’t find the words. Of course, for the sake of the mission. If he had let himself get captured too, he wouldn’t have been able to tell her and Kara and Lena where the captured aliens were being held, and then everything would’ve gone south. He’d thought about this logically.
Too logically, if that was even possible for him.
“It didn’t just stop with the mission.” She continues. “Whatever you did, whatever you said, our friends aren’t too happy about it. Don’t you care about that? Don’t you want to apologize?”
“I see no need to apologize.” He answers. “Especially not when they would not consider me their friend.”
“Brainy…” Alex starts. “You’re still their friend- no matter what you actually did.”
“And you believe I care what they think of me.” He says. “It was inevitable- I would have shown them my true self eventually. No matter when it happened, the result was the same.”
“Result of what?” Alex asks- demands, really. “What do you mean by your true self? What’s inevitable? Just tell me!”
Brainy looks away from her, holding his hands in the triangle that Alex had come to consider cute over the time she’d worked with him. She’s missed it- but that doesn’t mean she’s happy to see it now.
He doesn’t say anything.
“Brainy, please!” Alex says, insistent. “Tell me what’s wrong! I want to help you, you aren’t yourself… just say something! Anything, please!”
She doesn’t realize she’s crying until she looks down, and sees a teardrop fall onto her pants. But once she does, she can’t stop, holding Brainy’s shoulders.
“Kara acted just like this once, kind of.” She says. “She was cold, and alien- and it almost killed her. And before that, when she was on Red Kryptonite, she was so angry, and I almost lost her then too. I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but… you’ve become like family to me also, and I don’t want to lose you the same way.”
Alex is crying even more after that, and she’s holding Brainy even though he isn’t holding her in return.
“Come back.” She keeps saying. “Let me help you.”
She stares at him, knowing she looks like a mess, hoping that he gets the message.
And at first, she doubts it, as his face is as emotionless as it has been… but he gasps, eyes widening, looking down at his hands before staring at her.
“Alex.” He says, and it’s the best sound in the world to her right now.
“Brainy.” She answers. “Is it really you?”
“If you mean myself before I was rebooted, yes.” He says. “I am aware of what I said- but… I do not claim those words as truth. I apologize for the pain I caused you, and everyone. But especially yours.”
Alex sighs happily, and this time their hug is much more mutual.
She doesn’t know what he means by rebooted, and right now, she doesn’t need an explanation. Right now, she just wants to hug him, and she’s satisfied.
“The boxes… they’re gone.” He says, after a few moments of silence. “I have no need for them anymore.”
Alex pulls away from him, and smiles. If she isn’t mistaken, he’s crying too, and that’s okay- they might as well get all their tears out right now, when they’re back together and as themselves finally.
“Neither do I.” she says, and they hug again.
