#on moving forward

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

“ever forward, always looking back,” Aurora Picciottoli

[dicerollerz]

freeform poetry (TW: addiction and guilt, mentions of death, repetition)

sometimes it still haunts me

the memory of how i was then

i consciously choose not to

but it's hard

sometimes i want to go back

i can't bring myself to open the tab back up

the tab's still on my phone

i'm too attached to let go

but it's bad for me

i can't tell anyone

they'll hate me

they hate me

they hate me.

i'm part of the problem.

it's not enough.

it'll never be enough

guilt claws at me whenever i open the tab

why would i reopen something that'll kill me?

we all die sooner or later

i'm part of the problem

but maybe if i learn to move past it

i can be part of the solution

just close it

close the tab.

i can't.

why not?

i don't know.

it can't be that hard.

it is.

your suffering isn't real

even if it feels like the world is collapsing around you

they'll say your addiction isn't real

but it is

i can't seek help for this

close the tab

close the tab

close the tab.

but i can't

[cuccoamongdragons]

Thoughts on Moving Forward

-If you feel that you need to get rid of some stuff to move forward, do it. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it. -If you need to hold onto some things to move forward, do it. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it.  -Practice being the person you want to be. If the person you want to be wouldn’t do something, don’t do it. If the person you want to be would respond a certain way, do it. -On that note, stop wasting time and tears on people who make beautiful promises and don’t follow through. People can say lovely things, and mean every word in that moment, but if they’re never going to make it happen, it’s just a nice thought. You’re looking for hopes that become realities, so seek elsewhere.  -It’s okay to not know what’s next. It’s okay to be in the middle of the process. Don’t aim for perfect, aim for a little better. Maybe focus on one little thing until you think you’ve got it enough to handle another. You don’t have to force yourself to change all at once.  -Celebrate ALL of your little victories. Never deny yourself that. Even just a little moment of letting yourself recognize it and being happy is enough! You are doing your best and that is fantastic!

[kelkat9]

3 more chapters working on the 46 word reduction and then I’m up to my current edit.  Bleh.  I still have no solution although I feel good about the love aspect.  I just need to reconcile why she flips out when she loves him.

Sadly I don’t think I edited it down by more than 3,000 words.  I needed like 10,000-20,000 so I still don’t know what to do about the length.  I’m hoping when I let someone critically and analytically read it front to back I can get input to see where it’s dragging and what they skimmed so I know what to cut.  One of my big fails is knowing what’s important to readers.

FYI if you are trying to cut your words - look for:  that, go, down, breath.  Those are the primary words that cut down my manuscript.

[youbeyond-blog]

There is something about moving on.

That amazes the hell out of me.

I've always thought I cannot live without the guy. Maybe I can, but I just don't want to. But somehow along the way, I willed myself to finally get out of my comfort zone. Funny how I refer to it as my "comfort zone" when I don't feel anymore comfortable with the relationship, what with the insecurities and jealousies and bad vibes that burn the "good girl" inside me. Teehee.

So I went out of it. Of one of the best things I've ever felt, of one of the craziest relationships, of one of the men who would forever have a special place in my heart.

Post-breakup days are the hardest. Or nights, I must say. Thanks to being a student, I have my distractions. I would sweep off each morning with a smile, till the afternoon, till past 6 in the evening, till later, till even later. But when it's time for me to lie down, have a quiet time with myself, there goes that feeling.

That makes-me-weak-in-the-knees feeling that just makes you want to get back together again with the guy - because it was happy, because it was amazing, because it's very comforting to know that there's someone out there willing to be referred to as your "boyfriend."

But all of those disappear in the morning, and I'm a strong person again.

You know what they say about you'd only realize a person's importance when he/she's gone?

Well, that isn't a myth at all.

Because the guy won't stop. Because he wouldn't let me go. Because his words are too deceiving that I would've gotten back together with him any minute.

But I never want to disappoint these people who had been with me through my worst sad devastating days.

The feeling of love is such an amazing feeling, but I'm just so in love with my new-found single life that I just can't imagine being someone's girl yet again.

Not for now, at least.

In time. 

In God's time.

<3

[youbeyond-blog]

The real tragedy of moving on is not when you feel like disappearing and closing doors for the possibilities of happy endings. It is not when you cry the whole day, eyes puffy and swollen. Nor is it not the moment your former lover found another one.

Moving on's real tragedy, indeed, is the painful yet inevitable mood shifts. One moment you're happy and fulfilled and contented and free, the next you just feel alone and sad and rejected and hurt. One moment you feel like life's better without your ex-lover, the next you feel like taking him/her back, begging for one last chance.

One moment you feel like being the most independent person that ever lived.

The next, you just feel like breaking down and admitting that you are the most gullible and fragile person that ever set foot upon this planet.

[youbeyond-blog]

"It's so hard to forget."

It really is. It sucks to know that instead of learning something, you have to suddenly unlearn. It's crazy to know that instead of making more memories, you have to already set aside those and never look back till it still hurts.

But, on the upside, it's comforting to know that unlearning something means giving room to the more essential life lessons that you'd need in the future. It's also uplifting to know that, someday one day, you'll realize that those memories are better off set aside rather than relived. 

It's hard to forget. But it's all in the mind. I won't say you'll be okay now, but you'll surely get over it soon. 

It's all in the mind.

It's all in the mind.

It's all in the mind.

Repeat till fade.